Would you laugh
As I write
About simple things
Life can bring
How times change
Perspectives rearrange
Finding a release
Gaining more peace
Being kind
A little less blind
To everyone around
Empathy is found
As a heart can heal
Not afraid to feel
Anger is still there
Pain does reappear
Love a stranger
Emptiness a friend
My mind still needs to mend
I'm so different now
I persevere somehow
I'm a lonely loving fighter
This is my life

With each moment
Pieces are spent
A bit of soul
A little heart
The mind
Some conversation
Even love
Some heartache
Feelings change
People too
Work is expected
Relaxation neglected
Closeness comes
Then it goes
Experiences leave a mark
Mistakes make us grow
Pain can linger  
So can joy
Happiness is relative
To what one desires
As others conspire
A true friend will prevail
Deflecting hate on every scale
Strength will flourish
Peace may nourish
The uneasiness felt
When failure is dealt
Yet if we fall
Who will we call
As pieces are spent
What will become of the moment

Would you say
You're stronger today
If tears fall
And anxiety calls
Expectations continue to pile
It's becoming harder to smile
Feeling it's never enough
Still being so so tough
Days longer by the hour
Exhaustion draining your power
With all this running around
Feeling like you let yourself down
Don't let disappointment set in
Excellence will never wear thin
With every breath you exhale
You are not designed to fail
Regardless of what has transpired
It's ok if you're tired
As your tears cleanse frustration
Remember you do bring inspiration
To every one you lead
You are growing you will succeed
I'm just a **** I don't know a thing
But I know you can do anything

If I tried
To hide
How I feel
I wouldn't be real
Heart on my sleeve
Never a need to deceive
I'm a sensitive man
Doing what I can
Even though I'm broken hearted
The indifference has departed
My kindness is saving me
Prevents me from acting savagely
My eyes seen so much pain
Nearly drove me insane
I love my family with no end
But they bring pain I can't contend
My daughters are my true salvation
Also the spark to my ruination
That situation is so discouraging
Yet loving them is encouraging
As I walked away from my past
The desolation couldn't last
I loathed the way i portrayed life
Superficial gains no longer suffice
Each day Im living is simplistic
I am becoming more realistic
If I can lend a helping hand
Offer another a chance to stand
I feel peace draping over me
Here's one thing that will always be
I'm a leader from birth
Ive always known my inner worth

As the last dollar falls
The bartender shouting last call
The conversations ending
The back up texts are sending
Dodging the hammered stumbling
Sorting out drunken mumbling
The faces look different in the light
Can tell they been out all night
Having to finish my beer
Time to get out of here
It was fun while it lasted
So many years getting blasted
Going to make that taco shop run
That drive is going to be some fun
Follow those blurry lines to the pad
Talk about the crazy *** time i had
Always a new adventure my friend
Doing this **** every weekend

My steel toes worn
Shirt is torn
Pants covered with dirt
My body always hurt
Migraine keeps pounding
Bosses always hounding
Never enough time
Trudging through grime
People talking ****
So full of it
The heat is draining
All I hear is complaining
By these lazy *** fools
Promises to keep my cool
My integrity in question
Did I forget to mention
I have fun at what I do
How about you

This girl so sweet
You won't notice
Her walking by
Or even laugh
When she cries
She stays at home
Watching her sisters
While the others play
Same thing everyday
She's beautiful and smart
With a loving heart
Having to grow so fast
She gets lonelier
Wishing for an escape
A little time to be free
Guilt always overwhelms her
When she isn't there
Never seems to be enough
Never complains always so tough

You and I
Had to die
It's over now
Tell me how
We ended here
After every year
We felt stronger
But no longer
Was it me
Acting cold heartedly
Was it you
Being so untrue
The two wrongs
Same old songs
Two lovers scorned
Lying here forlorned
On this ledge
I did pledge
My soul forever
But now never
Our bond broken
Pain has spoken
I'll leave today
Nothing else to say
I'm finally ready
Since you left already

The grinding
Can be blinding
To desire the recognition
Consumed by ambition
What should I sacrifice
How power can entice
Choices weighed methodically
So I choose meticulously
This rat race I chose
Something to do I suppose
So superficial
Not so special
Have to pay the bills
Demonstrate and sharpen my skills
Fatigue sets in everyday
Weariness grows the longer I stay
I have goals And dreams
As I get better the further it seems
Am I able to disengage from here
What binds me now is it fear
Yet I'm afraid of nothing at all
Always the foundation standing tall
I feel I'm missing a piece to my soul
How this monotony takes its toll
It's 6 am again time to wake up
Its so tedious yeah time to wake up

Me old man boring
conversations keep women snoring
I don't hang out in bars
Or make out in cars
Haven't seen a club in a while
No longer my style
No more stories to share
Or albums of women in underwear
I'd rather listen to music at home
Spend all night writing poems
Watching YouTube and HBO
Do I miss it no
But when i was a teen
Played in the party scene
A new girlfriend
Every weekend
You know that 7 day affair
Having fun didn't care
Every shot and bottle of beer
Made things clear
I was living too fast
Where I'm from life doesnt last
On the grind hustling all day
So at night I could play
Always down for whatever
Ready to go whenever
As I got older it became dull in fact
I became more aware of how I act
This **** a bad boy in this game
To be an old *** player so lame
So yeah I'm boring today
Not as much fun as yesterday
So now I'm hated misunderstood
Because I'm different trying to be good

It's a mans world sure
You're a WOMAN you will endure
You have this mind
That's so rare to find
You're driven to succeed
With this need
To never be weak
What else do you seek
With the stress rising
It isn't surprising
Your frustration is growing
You have a talent of not showing
Since you're strong I'll say this
As you ponder on what you miss
The fun times you had
Being so good being a little bad
Don't worry about stumbling
If at times you're fumbling
Like challenges are anything new
With all that you are committed to
You're stronger than most
Since you won't say it I will boast
Take time to breathe now and then
You'll be ready when anxiety comes again

I write with such a dark persistence
well basically it describes my existence
funny how it is you didn't see what happened to me
so how could it be
have you ever seen a person so evil and twisted
she stood there clenched ****** striking me as she
was molesting me
with a knife in hand
to help make me understand
the consequences of my actions
if I were to describe the details of her abusive conduct
with each tear came a blow
until I wouldn't show
any feelings at all
how that enraged her then came the more creative abuse
nothing remained except a hollow shell of a child
nothing left to hurt
nothing left to beat
nothing left to scare
nothing left in there
but I did my job my loved ones I protected
they were never affected
I made sure that was perfected
so yeah insomnia rides my *** every night sure **** isn't right
but it's alright
Im here still and I care
how the **** can that be
she didn't **** off all of me please but I've been on my knees
asking for forgiveness
for being that weak little boy
that evil *****'s little toy
it's weird I don't feel ***** or any of that disgusting ****
I just feel anger and there's a lot of it

I rage
     my cage
my pain
         it's insane
it kills
      no thrills
no hope
         can't cope
little *****
            mental glitch
vision blurry
                 voice slurry
collecting scars
                     counting stars
losing touch
                unstable crutch
can't stand
             don't understand
**** it **** it **** it
but wait
           this hate
isn't me
          I'm free
escaped hell
                   I fell
it's true
        nothing new
many will
           yet still
the fear
          is here
every moment
                 feeling irrelevant
knowing differently
             suffering constantly
the fighting
            less inviting
it's cool it's cool it's cool
I feel
        I heal
I care
        im aware
loving I
beautiful I
loyal I
protective I
   I see inside me

In waves it's here
Muffled unclear
Sobbing over there
Wallowing despair
So far away
Hard to survey
All my fault
Not enough in the vault
Torturous unrelenting
Somber visions tormenting
Try I do
Must push through
This barbed cage
Ease his rage
What's next
It's so complex
He is strong
Still feels wrong
My mother in tears
The worst in years
Am I helping
As it's developing
**** what the hell
Break his shell
Bring him back
All I got
Too far to spot
Today he is fine
Tomorrow he might lose his mind

This woman you see
Stomping so intrepidly
Casting that smile
That lingers for a while
Speaks so passionately
About her thoughts unequivocally
Carrying a mountain
So cool refreshing a fountain
Controls settings with her presence
With a truly dedicated essence
Yet she can explode like a bomb
Just as quickly be so calm
Show some ruthless behavior
While being a righteous savior
So straightforward it will sting
But she won't embellish a thing
A real one a pleasure knowing her
Crazy **** and cool all there
As my words are trying to flatter
She's down to earth so these lines won't matter

Ever felt depressed
Constantly stressed
Anxiety full throttle
Climbing into a bottle
No time to rest
Each day a test
The sacrifices stacking
A release lacking
The good times pass
Work kicking your ***
Consumed by a need
A desire to exceed
At every challenging endeavor
It's admirable however
Everything has a price
Felt nothing would suffice
Materialistic values start fading
As different goals are cascading
Having to be the rock
Constantly racing the clock
No time for games people play
Always cautious of what to say
Worries about others deception
Maintaining a certain perception
Staying true to certain devotions
While suppressing a few emotions
Casting smiles and a crooked grin
To hide the muted feelings within
The loneliness heavy and intense
Yet other feelings make more sense
I've felt this a long time ago
In a desperate act I let everything go
There's just better things in life I seek

As I lay
In this bed
Thoughts stray
Clouding my head
As she sleeps
So peacefully there
Thoughts still creep
Should I care
Am I content
Is she
All the time spent
Holding each other insatiably
Why do I dwell
Asking silly things
If time will tell
What this may bring
Let it go
She is here
What should I know
What isn't clear

**** another call missed
Nonstop must be ******
What are they doing
What keeps them pursuing
Same time every night
All at the same time can't be right
Is there some reason I can't see
Is the answer escaping me
They're all so different too
Each bringing something new
Eclectic faces and styles
With pretty eyes and cunning smiles
Taunting with stunning curves
They cause my attention to swerve
Not much to our conversations
Just preludes to nightly reservations
Bottles of wine empty so swift
Sticky green burning will uplift
Tension will begin to disappear
The scent of them as they come near
Drives me insane with desire
With each touch ignites into fire
As each different one calls again
I feel out of touch empty within
I should be thankful but I'm not
Living so lustfuly a afterthought
But my cold heart is conflicted
I want change but I'm addicted
To the empty passion I know
But I wonder if my heart can grow
These women don't seem to mind
I'm just out of sight out of mind
A ***** little secret interlude to enjoy
This very very very bad boy

The shackles so tight
Trapped full of fight
Iron digging in
Ripping my skin
Blood drops splatter
I hear chatter
Folded in two
Those slanderous few
Tortuously driven
Shall not be forgiven
When I break free
You will cower expectedly
Just a bit more time
You will be mine
Go ahead inflict pain
I won't complain
I'm getting stronger
This won't last too much longer
Better hope I perish
One thing I cherish  
My vindictiveness shows tenacity
Karma will justly repay your animosity
You should've let it go
I'm a beast soon you'll know
Oops shackles open I'm free
Pointless to run you belong to me
I once showed kindness now it's gone
You should've known better now it's on

Leaves falling sunder
Howling wind thunder
Early morning chill
Everything now still
Rain soaked ground
Sundered leaves around
Footsteps washed away
You didn't stay
The snow covering
Chill still hovering
The frost biting
Seems less inviting
Fire burnt out
Warmth now without
Snow beginning to melt
As how I felt
Chirping birds flying
Nature reviving but I'm dying
The fresh rain dropping again
Cleansing me within
Yet I feel no fire burning
As the seasons keep turning
The heat is beginning to rise
The glaring sun stinging my eyes
Each day feverishly hot but I'm cold
Once again lonely no one to hold
The waves sunder
Crashing sounds like thunder
When you return it will restart
But I will have a chill in my heart

What you said
Stuck in my head
Fuckable not datable
Would have been debatable
But I found it relatable
In my past
Women didn't last
The things I've done
So brief but so much fun
No feelings shared
So romantically impaired
This bad boy meant nothing
A possession or something
I thought it was luck
They didn't give a ****
It nurtured my cold *** heart
Something to toy with torn apart
All the games played
All the indifference displayed
I won't even pretend
It means nothing in the end
But I don't want to die alone
But it's all I've ever known

To be honest
I don't like how you're acting
The way you've been overreacting
Trying to be dismissive and cold
It's becoming old
But I can't tell you how to be
But I can avoid what's negative to me
If youre compelled to be hostile
Being around you is futile
Normally I could care less
Yet it's causing confusion and stress
I would have just shut you out
But you're important to me no doubt
You've helped me reflect
But I'm trying to show respect
But I'm close to not giving a ****
But I do, so i feel like I'm stuck

I don't want a thing from you yeah it's true, the price is too heavy. Forget who I am, move on leave my sight. I really don't want to fight. Your words burn like fire, you I no longer desire, this will be the last poem you inspire. My time being wasted, emotions being wasted, I'm being wasted, every moment with you wasted. I'm sorry you were here to realize that we are through, but I can't stand another second with you. You broke my heart the only thing I asked you not to do. It's cool I don't need a heart, it just made me weak, I should thank you for this gift. Now I can really be that cold ******* you say I've been. As you leave don't look back, just go.

So sick of pain
Life so mundane
The wicked win
Empathy a sin
Chaos a trend
Hearts never mend
Indifference seems just
None to trust
Hatred a epidemic
Love is tragic
Can't truly feel
Can't truly heal
Children suffering endlessly
Innocence destroyed needlessly
Wounds become worse
Life a curse

So words ain't ****
I'm full of it
And you're not
So what's the plot
Is it just a game
Seems just the same
Why you playing
I can't tell from what you saying
All those fools got you trippin
So much attention got you slipping
It's cool I won't mind
I'm not blind
Do your thing
What can I bring
Like you need permission
I won't be another addition
To your group of thirst
I won't settle for anything less than first

In a fight
Try I might
To prevail
But I'll fail
It's with you
Is it true
With your control
Of my soul
I gave all
Just to fall
In this trap
As I tap
Your shoulder
You grow colder
Your little slave
I'll behave
Torturing me so
Let me go
If I fight
Tonight
You'll still be
Enslaving me
Driving me insane
I need pain
Only thing real
Just to feel

When I say I don't give a **** it means so many things not just the negative inference usually connected with it it means things are still going good it means that person can't stop my progress it means I won't quit it means my future will be better it means my past was just that it means that my pain will heal it means I'm strong as **** it means my kindness isn't wasted it means I'll give you space it means I'm not tripping I'm good it means those ugly people don't matter it means I'm down for whatever it means that when I say I don't give a **** I'm just being clever I don't give a **** whenever

I'll just say
By the way
You're beautiful
Yes indeed
Those brown eyes
Have me hypnotized
My Heartbeat pounds
Thoughts surround
Of only you
Yeah it's true
Another sleepless night
Feels so right
Promises I made
Will surgically persuade
How I write
Had me on sight
I miss your smile
It's been awhile

On this crooked street I stroll
Dodging swiftly past the shadowy patrol
Traces of sulfur lingers about
Zeroing in on a fading shout
Street lights flickering dim
This feels so grim
Can't fall astray not here
Can't afford the price of fear
This place follows no rule
It's sinister it's cruel
Weakness has no place
There's monsters with no face
No empathy no heart
Kindness is ripped apart
The innocent struggle to hide
When these monsters collide
Their rampage leaves destruction
No help consumed by corruption
Failed system colored blue
Pain and anguish nothing new
So cold it seems this life
At times I couldn't dodge the stryfe
Some say a choice is there
If so these monsters must be unaware

See my scars jagged and deep
No more tears shall I weep
Those words hold no power
My heart locked in this tower
Catch a glimpse of what I feel
A gift no need to steal
Left me here so alone
So cold a beautiful stone
Selfish I in which way
Simply because I deflect what you say
Your little puppet not I
A prisoner tortured I
I escape to my tower
To seek peace not to cower
I may suffer but my beauty will not die
I may not weep but I still cry

So bask in this confusion
Hypnotized by societies illusion
Stay in this comfort zone
Be this mindless drone
Devour the lies they feed
Never dare to lead
Forget your goal
Refuse what's in your soul
Be plastic it's cool
Just another fool
Programmed as expected
Following as directed
A pawn the board
Monotony the reward
Nervermind the revolution
******* your evolution
Enjoy the misconception
How could this be deception
Silly boy how could society be untrue
Why would it lie to you
Your it's child look around
Yes look see what's really to be found

On this road I drive; wishing for time. I guess I should be happy I still drive. Have a place to go, must work to survive

I feel broken
So weak
Can't carry on
So tired
Hungry and alone
All hope is gone
Confused each day
Scared I guess
Not much to say
No point to try
My dreams expired
Sitting here lost
Can't stand myself
Who cares why
All pride disappear
No good at all
Motivation has transpired

I feel
Yet I don't show
Do you know
Take it slow
It's a trip
Heartbeat will skip
Pulse rising
Emotions surprising
Time spent
Worries seem irrelevant
Frowns set upside down
Tears from laughter
Pain no longer lingers
Journeys with our fingers
Sensual embraces crashing
Misery falls smashing
Haters tossing slander
Still with the candor
A fighter speaking without fists
Devotion will persist
Learning to heal
As we feel

I rose I lay
On your body on display
Are you with angels soaring
In heaven exploring
I miss you so
I wish you didn't go
I'm sorry I've been bad
I'm sorry I made you sad
I am trying to be good
Do the things I should
You had a life so grand
When you left I didn't cry
I don't know why
Had to comfort my dad
You were all he ever had
Things have changed since you passed
People forgetting family so fast
The bond you created is broken
So much pain still left unspoken

Little dreams aloft
On my pillow soft
Sublime indeed
It's folly I feed
Listening with such passion
Hearing with no particular fashion
Should I decifer the code
Stay fearfully abode
But the nightmares though
Which shall grow
Each equally strong
So thrash all night long

Here's a thought
I just got
You don't care
So why share
Dropping my guard
Wasn't that hard
Opening my heart
I did start
Poems so clever
Really just whatever
It's quite cool
You're no fool
I will respect
What you protect
You don't know
How I flow
It doesn't matter
This pointless chatter
It's quite alright
Bad timing right

Sometimes I smile
Been a while
Yet I do
Mostly for you
I'm just saying
Mind always straying
Feelings shut down
When you're around
I do fear
When you're near
How I feel
I shouldn't reveal
Better left unsaid
Use my head

I feel so ugly
Empty lost and sad
A boy gone bad
Tears have no use
After years of abuse
Chains suffocating me
I feel so ugly
With a crooked grin
Hiding deeper within
My mask will conceal
The ugliness I feel
I was alone
Couldn't scream
Couldn't run
Couldn't cry
I little boy
Helpless and scared
As I grew older
This boy became colder
Dimly my light will flicker
As my torment swelled thicker
I'm grasping at the rope
Dying as I cling to hope
I'm so ugly and weak
From the bruises across my cheek

I display what I say can you feel what is real I will know what you show if it's true

All those women who came never looked the same never used the same old line each of them would define who I would be yet I still feel somewhat empty if I described each interlude that would be rude speaking of each embrace has no place the names I have forgot never cheated so can't be caught to taint my loyalty i think not yes temptation is always there but I would never care what's the point to play brings pain and dismay I can enjoy only one You will be second to none explore every inch of you be dedicated and true a student always learning insatiably drawn constantly yearning open to discover peace which ever the form of release I'm always down for whatever I can be clever I'll ride or die for my lady I can crush all those who act shady I'll make you mad I'll hold you when you're sad make you want to kick my *** but I do know when to show some class I'm complicated for sure test me I will endure I am as strong as a lion yet sometimes inside I'm crying At times I get weak yet strength I will seek after all the pain I pursue yes it's you In this world of players and misguided heart slayers I know what I need a woman to nurture who's soul I can feed I am a man I do what I can another part of me for you to see

If a kiss can dismiss all the tension will we feel such apprehension a subtle touch can change so much would you request such an embrace allow me to caress your face burn the image in my mind would you be so kind if trust is an issue binding our fruition let's listen to our intuition no need to pressure the situation I'm cool with just a conversation no lie you're **** and cool got me infatuated trying to keep my cool I could be a lover and friend im just not ready I won't pretend doesn't mean I don't want to I do wonder how it would feel getting next to you

So I'm problematic so chaotic is that what they believe because my reactions hold reprieve so I should just let their actions go unattended let their slander be commended is that how a mature man should react would that show the proper amount of tact let these cowards portray me with such disdain as my indignation rises just refrain is this how one should turn the cheek by taking the abuse be meek ok so I should just absolve all pride and self respect then not interject when their tyrades ensue is this what a man would do I guess that's one way to consider here's a more realistic consideration those little cowards wouldn't dare in any other situation toss a virulent stare in my direction as they cower their hollow hearts hold no power now I'm not without my flaws in my past how I would become frenetic yes my temper would ignite with such idiocy ending with such verbal indignity im not the most virile of individuals standing but I can be a force withstanding I may seem so insignificant because I choose to be less complicated for years I chose to be a materialistic, indifferent, praise seeking, money hungry slave I was dedicated lol but I digress what should I do let them beat me down be this clown embrace the stress become a mess just let them suppress all that I achieved because ignorance is the driving force of this dillusion because beneath their illusion I witness the repercussions this can have on someone less apathetic I see this cruelty being nurtured by this group it's so pathetic I will continue to refute their dissent because their petty intentions are evident

You think I'm weak
Because I feel
Immature how
Because my rage got the best of me
It feels wrong
Mind spinning all night long
Are you playing with my head
Or even worse my heart
Instead of build me up
You would rather tear me apart
It's nothing new
You have your reasons
I probably mean nothing to you

If I fail
To deliver this message
Remember what I do
No one can tell
How I feel for you
Times seem cold
Conversations have ended
No reason for what we do
The pain is there
So is the beauty
Emptiness may be haunting
But we still care

I will go
If you say so
Can't trust me
I understand completely
I'm not about drama and ****
Just stuck in the middle of it
But do I involve you no
It's not all I know
Yes I fight
Yes it isn't right
There's more to me
I protect persistently
I wonder if you care
If I share
Does it matter at all
If I text or call
You have things to do
I try to stay away from you
Your space I respect
So yeah protect
So I'm a friend
So let's not pretend
What do you see
A homie in me
If it's just game
Would be a shame
So with a smile
I'll be gone for a while
Not a choice I'll enjoy
But I'm a man not a boy
If you need a shoulder
When emotions colder
A ear to listen when troubled
My attention will be doubled
I know you're strong and tough
Yet sometimes it gets too rough
I'm drawn to you like a magnet
But this mistrust gets stagnant