On my bed thinking
Instead of drinking
Of a few things
As Cody Jinks sings
Of someone's perception
Of his devilish misconception
I can relate to his song
It's been so long
Since I was innocent at all
I made a choice to fall
To fall out of grace
My soul is out of place
I could feel every piece of me
Disappearing so painfully
I didn't fight my descent
I just fell with all consent
It's strange I didn't fight
That keeps me up thinking all night

At this table
Tearing the label
On this bottle
I hopelessly coddle
Seeking a solution
For my mental pollution
Time melting away
The longer I stay
Searching for something
Doesn't matter anything
To justify my existence
Which could end in an instance
I wish it would
Do it myself if I could
Chances for hope grows fewer
Told you my mind is like a sewer
Everyday I wake
I feel more like a mistake
It is a cruel world trust me I know
My existence is redundant I will go

If I left today
My letter will say
I lost hope
Couldn't cope
After every year
Trapped in here
I'm so awkward
Spiraling alone downward
I belong nowhere
Especially not here
Drugs aren't working
Demons still lurking
Alcohol isn't erasing
The nightmares chasing
The abuse increasing
Closer to releasing
The trigger now
Please help somehow
The face I see
Is so ugly to me
I am invisible
End closing in
So hollow within
No one will care
If I wasn't there

When I fall I stand
when I have nothing I'll lend my helping hand
when I fight
it's always for something right
I'm always misunderstood
I'm just a bad boy trying to be good

You will never hear me say
I hate my life today
I made this decision
I was on this collision
With everything on my mind
Struggling to find
A little happiness
Always consumed by stress
I think it's so **** funny
Thinking if I had so much money
Would make everything worth more
But I was wealthier when I was poor
Did any woman I made love to care
Did any of them have love to share
I'm inexperienced when I feel
I wouldn't know it if it were real
Does it make sense love is scary
The closer I get the more I get wary
People will say im bad every time
Regardless of every hill I climb
They only see aggression in me
Instead of how I live passionately
It took a long time for me to grow
To let these emotions show
This I don't show I'm always in pain
A work in progress I won't complain
I don't know where I'll be heading
No longer am I dreading
Each morning I wake
Or how long it will take
To find my place and time to rest
I studied my whole life for this test

Today I felt restless
Wasn't about stress
I could see it clear
All the ******* here
Heavier than before
Felt like I couldn't take it anymore
My mind shutting down
Just bouncing around
On auto pilot doing things
Avoiding what my rage can bring
Ah the symmetry between our day
I hope this poem can convey
My shoulder is always there
Whenever you choose to share
I don't know how you're struggling
Or about the things you're juggling
But the monotony I can relate
How much it may aggravate
As I pursue peace even more
Things will be better than before

Could dedication
Cause suffocation
Feeling helpless
Causing stress
Frustration unlocks tears
Then anger appears
It doesn't matter if you're tough
Sometimes it isn't enough
The wall will crack
As every burden rides your back
If you fake smilling and being kind
What will you find
Would it change how cowards act
Would your integrity be intact
I don't know your life's perception
If you wonder about my intention
I see you a fighter scrapping along
Always on edge being strong
You must be exhausted by now
Take time breathe somehow
Do you really need to do it alone
Trust none even now you're grown
I understand how it can be
So I'm acting kindly
Remember no strings attached
Hi receive the empathy dispatched
Others will care because they can
Im one who does this fighting man
Have faith I promise if you could
Just breathe all will be as it should
I'm just speaking to you
The only way I know how to