I can't sleep
Even if I could I'd still be tired
I contemplate taking the leep
Always of a spired,
Tall edge

I'm a waste
a waste of food
a waste of  life
a waste of air
I'm a sour aftertaste
to a sweet pastry
a worm in a candied apple
a waste of attention
I'm a rat
and my insides are rotting

I'm just a bit insane
been this way for a bit now
it started when I met you
I vaguely remember how
then the tormenting followed
a downward plummet from then
that's when I was hollowed,
skinned and destroyed
now the simple pronunciation of your name hurts the scars.
cant seem to fill the void
It's not your fault it's mine.
your name digs into me
I wanted to stay in bed
then the demons came
at first a deep feeling
then little by little turned into dread
now I'm dead and I'm just a bit insane
but who isn't

i love you
you may not know why
you never knew
and thats okay
if only i ccould sculp my love with clay
your eyes  a mix of many colours
each one more pretty then the last
and for your smile i fell so fast

its my in stomach
its in my lungs
i want to cry in my bed
and get this thing out of my head
yet neither will occur
its all just a blur

im scared im uncurable
and that im not inportant,
that you dont love me,
that i cant just be happy,
im scared that the feeling of pure fear in my gut wont go away
and that you still wont care,
that i cant stop caring,
that the river will keep making me trust you
that  the current wont stop bringing me towards
that i will always be sad

im not worth your love
im not worth your attetion
im not worth your food
im not worth your affection
im not worth your protection
im not worth time
im not worth any of it

i cannot be nice
i hear gun shots
i see knives
i taste bile
i smell death
every where i go
i cannot be nice

i cant do this anymore
im almost out of power
i cant do this anymore
i feel like a crumbling tower
i cant do this anymore
im always feealing like a caword
because i feel and i wish i didn't

a single song can make me forget
for a little while
that im completely empty.
the music fills me
but its not plenty
and im still nothing
on the inside .

Everyday I hope to see you walking your dog in front of my house

I feel like someone tried to douse
me in freezing cold water

I miss you

The skies are blue
But they feel purple
An endless night
I can’t fight
For anything


If I can’t fight for you

its torture but it
heals
it's happy but it
hurts

you make me happy
it's hard to be happy
you make me want to live
it's easy to want to die
I don't wanna cut myself when you make me happy
I love you

I can fake it
I can't make it
happiness so hard to get
I want to forget
without it you start
dying slowly

i don't want to get up
i want to sleep forever
i want to forget the pain
i want to just sleep
i want to never wake up
i just want to give up
i just want to sleep forever
i don't want to wake up

i know that waking up will just hurt

I know its there
it won't leave me alone
it's in my head it won't go away
it's with me when I'm on the phone
I don't want to go home
because they may see through me\
they may see I can't stand it
they may see that I'm not as okay as my smile says i am
they may see I'm ready to burst
its as if I was cursed
it hurts i want it gone
it won't go away
it's the thoughts in my head at school
it's the pain that won't leave with a band-aide
please
I want it gone


but it won't go away

it is nothing but a feeling I tell myself.
but I cannot continue repeating.
I still feel dry even if I cry.
and yet I still want to die.
I cannot live with these feelings.
so many different meanings dancing in one head.
but I can only say one thing to keep my self from breaking.
that I will see you the next day I will hear you saying that I'm still okay.

when I see those eyes
I see a deep blue sky
a sky so endless
as I pass-through  it I feel completely careless and reckless
until gravity takes its course
and I plummet down to reality
and remember I'm alone
and will forever be on my own
because love goes two ways
and I am not loved