When I met you, I stopped smoking
and began to paint my nails every weekend evening. I thought
you could ******* sadness as if it were your own
because I did not drink alcohol,
nothing could dilute it. It was always there on my tongue.
You had never smoked or drank or tried
to **** yourself, though, so you did not recognize
the acid and that hurt my feelings more than razors or erasers.

I was the first girl you slept beside,
you the first to kiss my eyelashes like smelling daisy stems
before I became conscious in morning sunglow.
Even December air had the inside of a lemon’s color.

And that was better than smoking or drinking or killing myself
or painting my nails mint green,
picking off the excess from my cuticles, without you.

Dear are you)your mouth is
and softly when feels
your throat full
hard and me of(
you wet
is



                        sweetheart baby darling


i can and do you want
you do and want
me to
do you?

my fingers, baby?

sweety i can.

eating to fill with gagging
your mouth nose eyes
like starlings
chirp so
deeply
incessant

and like incessantly
a straling's chirp
your lips hang
hard open to
fill


and Sugar Darling Honey
i can fill so tightly it
my with flower
thickly

until its blossom do
like you want
to sap so sticky

Honey Baby Darling Sweety
i can and fill you
my fingers
and can
can i



                ?
            (Yes.)

Now
I have had enough
Of living beneath the debris
In the low shadows
I am sick
Of living small and hidden
In the cupboards of life
Sick of going through the hallways
Unseen, unoticed
I no longer want to be invisible
I want to emerge
From behind the veil,
Push the curtains aside
I am claiming the crown
I want sunlight and nightfall
To belong to me
I want the beams to bend at my fingertips
I want the wind to submit to me
I want to be immortal
I want to be the captain
But the problem is,
I am less and less
And nothing
Yet still aching for something
Still reaching for what I can't obtain

we are waves crashing
we are strength and beauty combined
for every time that we chance
upon the shore,
we end up going a few steps back
falling farther away from land
taking us deeper into unseen depths
where what lies beyond is uncertainty

you should be the sand
while i should be the water
that imprints patterns
along your body

or i should be the air
taking you to endless streams
where we could be whirlwinds
gathering up bounties
for our flawed existence

but we are waves crashing
and even if the sun
becomes too extreme
or the shore is too far from reach
i won’t get tired
of falling in and out with you
even in midnight summer dreams.