tonight,
i will lay my head on my pillow
and my mind will be silent
and i don't know if that's
better or worse than
a thousand disarrayed thoughts
keeping me away,
because regardless of
whether or not
i'm thinking of you
and wondering if
you're thinking of me,
whether or not
i'm thinking of this
or that or anything
that makes me feel,
it still takes forever
to fall asleep

nights without you //

i //
i go to bed at ten,
aiming for eight hours of rest.
my thoughts are whispers,
that won't leave me alone.
the clock ticks twelve
and i am asleep.

ii //
i go to bed at twelve,
a little later than the last night,
a little sadder than the latter.
i crawl into a ball,
but my warmth doesn't
stop the thoughts from
pounding in my head;
bouncing of the walls of my mind

iii //
i go to bed at two a.m.
with determination in my eyes
and conquer on my mind,
to fall asleep.
but by four,
i am taunted and teased
again by the thoughts
and voices
and this time,
the memories of us.

iv //
i go to bed at five a.m.
but fail to sleep.
the monster in me
is slowly growing
to the point where
i can no longer take it.
in one quick move,
i defeat the monster
i defeat myself.

v //
i am asleep,
in a different bed;
a different world.
a world where
i am asleep
*forever

we are constantly looking for the
approval from others.

when making a decision,
there is always that quick glance
to our friend
to make sure we picked
the right answer.

                                                        ­            *why

why do we need authentication
for our personalities; our choices?


*we don't live for other people