Tell me the beauty of this life without pain. Explain to me how we are to be immensely grateful of things that are easily accessible when we see them, every single day. Talk with me about the wonders of how life would be if time was of our essence in the virtue of prosperity. Stimulate my mind by discussing the endless possibilities of what our true purpose is, and how we will reach our objective. When you sit back and realize that this dunya (world) & haya (life) is temporary, you will understand that the temptations deriving from our peers daily, are here to set us onto the wrong path. The road frequently traveled that we choose to follow is filled with mistakes and bad dealings, yet we allow this in hopes of gaining happiness, joy, excitement. When it is understood that the world's answers are right in front of our eyes, just needing to be recognized, we will be full of power. Let me be your light.

- nsw 08/17 11:57 pm

This girl has been here for me since freshman year of high school.
When we met in our Geography class, we became friends and sat next  to one another
Since then we've created many memories and let's just say..
This girl is the biggest blessing I have in my life.
She has been there for me each year since then,
Checking if I'm okay not only physically, but mentally.
She's truly a gem in disguise.
The memories of us being in different classes such as Psychology,
making jokes in the back of the class
To filling our cravings such as going to ihop
**** near every weekend we would go to the grocery store, and that was our way of bonding.
This is why I love her - because she was always so understanding, and on the same page as me
We both would get annoyed of too much time being spent, but in need of at least seeing one another
We miss each others presence at the same time specifically as if there's some sort of telepathic switch in our minds
I thought me moving away to college would put a burden on our friendship but in reality, it made things so much better

To Logan, you are my best friend, my sister.
I would do anything I could for you, and I Know you would do the same. Even though the first time we met I thought you were weird as hell
Flashing off the teacher on accident you were quite odd - but I learned to love this part of you
But not only that, I became vulnerable and transparent with you.
You are my poetic charm, and I can't wait until we work on this project together.
We will both be so successful and I have your back no matter what.
I love you to the moon and back, the rose's charm.
I love you Logan.

love is my oxygen, and I can't breathe.

I want to be loved in the way my daddy loved my mom.
I want to be loved in a way where I won't ever have to question your feelings.
I want to be appreciated in a way where I truly feel appreciated.
I want to be appreciated in a way where it benefits the both of us, no matter our relationship.

My mind is fidgeting with my soul like a kid playing tricks
My soul is dividing my body like one who does not care for herself
My body is failing me and destroying my peace of the unknown
But this will always be that way
Nobody really cares until it's too late
Nobody really realizes until it's time to go
Nobody understands until you're just a picture on a shelf
Or a note on a fridge
You are not that special to them as they say
But you are special in yourself
You are one of a kind
And don't you ever forget it
You are you
You are more than enough

- 02/22/19

These waves swishing through the ocean
Remind me of my childhood
How life just "swished by"
I'm young but I feel so old

These waves remind me of my innocence
Snatched away from me
At that age of childhood
When I had no choice but to grow up

These waves remind me of my hardships
How life kept on moving
Forward and ahead
Continuously picking myself up through the breeze

These waves remind me of my happiness
Washed away from the shore
Give me joy
Instead of constantly making me pray for more

- 03/15/19

The rain hits the ground and thunder starts to crackle.. reminding me of the sound of a knife inching deeper into my skin.
The sky is the color of my face when I hold my breath to try to make myself suffer for my behavior.
All of the sudden the electricity begins to turn on and off, mocking the misery of this world in my face.
The feeling of raindrops pelting across my skin, only a few shades lighter than my fragile parts after each bruise he gave me.
The paranoia that comes with every human instinct, only intensified.
The worries of the future, the self-hatred..the sensitivity of my heart as another person steps on it one more time.
I grew up with a fascination of this world and what it has the offer.. but now I've entered the age of fascination with death.
My heart begins beating faster than ever before, my skin is turning a darkish blue, my words are no longer coming out of my mouth, my breath is stuck deep inside my diaphragm, my mind is circling around and next thing you know..
7 minutes of my past life are flashing by and at this time it is way too late..
I'm entering the world of paradise.. and hopefully I find some sort of comfort here.

My mind is soaring like an airplane through the wanders of my thoughts like the clouds are in my arms.

My body is running through the marathon of the sea where I collect myself and try to fix everything that is wrong with me.

My soul is collectively draining tears and pulling bonds out of my skin and I am deeply in pain.

My heart is the centerpiece of my whole body, and I feel like I am at the end, like I'm crying for assistance through my emotions but my words are an example of unprovoked happiness.

I like to call the mind, body, soul, and heart, the four petals of the rose of growth.

Take care of yourself.

Pain only develops if you let it. People only hurt you if you let them. Your mind is so powerful that you are capable of never being in pain again, think about it.

You want to know why I love poetry?
Because it is my escape.
My words will never get up and leave me
My thoughts will never mentally abuse me
My writing will never undermine me

You want to know why I love poetry?
Because it is my distraction.
My intrusion into reality
With the mindset that I have
And the personality that I carry
It's easy for anyone to overreach me

Sometimes I wish I didn't have my heart
Or my mind.. my thoughts
But how else would I have become a poet?

I like to blame the reason of my despair on school
When in reality, it's you.
I sit here and reminisce old memories
And I feel pain.. like a blade cutting into my skin
People ask me if I'm okay
Each day it's the same reaction, the same response
"Yes I'm fine, just tired."
Or "My education is draining me."
But then I think is it really?
What I want to say is, "I'm hurt." "I'm in pain." and "I need help"
But the only words that come out of my mouth is..
"I'm just tired."

Escape from the wilderness
Of my dreams
Suffer the silence
Of those who are near
The distant ones are the safer ones
The nearer the better
My thoughts like a jungle
Corrupted in every sense
Caged into my brain
Capacity on low
I'm going to explode

- 03/07/19

I feel like everyone's little pity party.
People only see me with those low eyes and a string in their heart because my daddy died.
I've said it before and I'll say it again,
Nobody cares until it's time for them to show out in public.
Nobody cares about you until it's too late.
Nobody cares until you're on your deathbed.
Nobody cares until you're up in the sky.
Nobody cares.
And that's the hardest ******* pill to swallow.

It is 98 degrees outdoors
I see children running around screaming, but all I hear is silence
I am shivering from the coolness of my surroundings
The sun is blaring onto the concrete, yet I step outside barefoot with no pain towards my nerves
I am numb.

You were the reason
I had begun my sobriety
But sadly
You were the reason
I ended it too.

- 04/22/19

My past memories and experiences come to haunt me on the daily.
I am crept up at the most unusual times and placed with a wave of sadness over my head.
In these times where I am being tested and I am caught up in the pain of my past, I realize.
That it is called my past for a reason.
I am now in the present, in a much better, gifted state.
I am confident, loved, beautiful, and I will get everything that I desire in this life.
Ya Allah, I just pray that you help me through my journey.
Ya Allah, all I yearn for is constant positivity throughout any experience that I go through
Ya Allah, I pray that my father, my mother, and my brothers wake up everyday, being proud of their little princess.

When two people love each other
And they aren't together
You ask them why
The say "because it's hard"
But is it not harder
To stay apart?

- 01/09/19

People always wonder
How is it that someone can be so perfect
Perfection is a word that is redefined
By different people everyday
So what is the true meaning of perfection?
My definition says it's you

- 06/30/19

Look at that photograph
Of that typical beautiful girl
Who hides her pains behind her smile
Her actions behind her words

Take a look in her brain
And you'll see a whole different side of her
Constant questions of self-worth
Heightening self-deprivation

But through the photo
You don't realize
Her mother was abusive
Her father was dead
Her brothers were just like her mother
She was alone

And that is the gift of pictures
They never share the deeper meaning
Of the story you would like to share
But were never able to

- 02/22/19

I have not been writing much lately
I guess it's because I've been happy
But I don't want my words to come to a break
Just because my emotions are at an all-time high
I want to write even when I'm feeling great
To spread positivity, we have to understand
That it is never too late.

- 05/11/19

I should really start to take my own advice
It's like I have this power
Of saying these words into my poetry
Having my audience listen and understand
But deep inside
I don't even listen to myself
I ignore my own emotions
I ignore my own existence
Now how's that for a poet

- 12/03/19

My thoughts have been reincarnated into the form of a human
Her name is Presley
She is around 5'5, wavy brown hair, piercing big, brown eyes
She had these flaws..where she couldn't help herself
A constant battle it was to maintain her health mentally and physically
I gave her the time of day, stayed with her through the night
It became the suffrage within myself, drowned in negativity
Uplifted by society but backed down by family
Talking to her was like being drained by losing sobriety
With her being the drug, me being addicted to helping her
As time had passed I realized that I was the one in need
And nowhere was she to be found
Presley..
These are my last words to you
I am in need of your guidance, your words, your sympathy
I can't take it anymore
I want to be de-

Presley.

Why do people feel like they have a right to control you?
I do not care who you are, but I am my own person.
I am not obligated to respond to calls, texts, and if I am not in the mood to hang out, then there's your answer.
In this generation, everyone is so backed up on the wrong things.
My mental health and my priorities come before anything else, and that doesn't matter whether you're a friend, family, or a significant other.
I live my life for me, and I will continue to please myself in the way that I want to.
So, again, forgive me if the shoe fits to you.. but I came into this world alone, and that is how I will leave.
The things happening in my life are a self-battle, so I have to make sure I do things for me.

The beauty within blossoms are so majestic
The position lifted when dull and frigid.. falling at the ends of life
How when the sun shines upon, vivid memories of a vibrant red radiate through
How the vines are placed thoroughly against each strain to sustain the grace together.

Growth is the most significant concept.
How from afar the frond is viewed as lovely
But you look closely.. grasp it firmly
You feel the prickles.. and the thorns..
Seeing that directly there is the pain and torture within each leaf.

Roses have numerous meanings
In each and every way they are appealing and irresistible
The petals each depict a part of me.
Beginning with the body, to the mind, following through the soul and ending with the heart.

I need to quit belittling my emotions.
Those constant apologetic "it's just my feelings" or "I don't know why I'm upset now"
Invalidating my own feelings and letting **** slide is not what I'm going to do anymore.
I'm going to tell people that hurt me, their faults.
Nobody is going to tell me that I shouldn't feel hurt by others actions.
Nobody is going to get any satisfaction out of me if they simply don't care about my feelings.
I'm sincerely and honestly drained, inside out.
My heart has been pulsating faster than ever before
My mind has been racing with thoughts
Trying to place puzzle pieces together and adding up the equations
When I could simply have that conversation that I've been avoiding.
I'm drained, God, I'm drained.
I have been searching for peace on every mountaintop through every desert, and yet I'm still sitting here hopeless.

My head has been spinning around for what it feels like ages.
Constant thoughts hiding behind one another
It feels as if I am running through these circles, rampaging through the events occurring within my life
I do not understand the meaning of fun, or enjoyment.
I live life on the daily to experience, not knowing what exactly I am searching for.
My life is full of purpose, but I have yet to find what I am on this earth for.
My mind tells me that I am finally enough, and my body is entering the door of self-love, I am fully content with my natural self.
I am in control of my mind, but of that I need reassurance.
Sometimes I feel like I am not doing enough.

I really hope you never get to know me
I want to remain as a little mystery
Doesn't matter our relationship
When someone gets close to opening the gates
To your complex mind and individuality
They begin to take advantage of your reality
So I try to act accordingly
But by then it's too late
So I really hope you don't understand me
I want to remain as a puzzle
That needs to be taken time out for
A mystique to those around me
An obscurity of intricacy
I don't want you to know me.

- 12/12/19

A seed
Most carefully placed
Into the soil
Watered
Lightened
Grown
This is a representation
Of what you did
To me

- 04/10/19

I have searched for self-love for years, and now I can greatly say that I am in love with myself. I am confident in my own body, in my own mind.

He didn't do anything wrong
So why am I so upset at his actions?
Why do I constantly let myself get hurt at things that don't even matter?

He didn't say anything wrong
So why am I not wanting to communicate with him?
Why am I constantly running from my problems instead of facing them like a woman?

It's the way he becomes nonchalant at times
It hurts that sometimes I don't even know if he would really care if he lost me
Maybe it's because I give too much, that he knows I wouldn't really leave
Maybe it's because I've shown him my vulnerability and he knows he has that advantage onto me

It hurts that sometimes I have to beg for a simple conversation
Or I always have to be the one to start it
We started this thing between us based on *******, but it's not being continued as such
So why is that the only conversation I can easily get out of him?

Sometimes I'm afraid because it hurts me, but I know that's not his intentions
And I'm more afraid if I tell him how I truly feel.. then he's going to get tired of me at one point
Annoyed by my actions and constant throbbing emotions
Distanced because of the way I cling onto him so deeply
I just hate how I feel at times, the worst part is..
That I'm the one pushing my emotions off the cliff
And making things ten times harder than they need to be.

I just want to surrender my battle with reality
My survival is in desperate need of succor
I need comfort
I need relief
I need the continual presence of protection
From my own mind
My own self
How difficult is it
To cross oneself
And manage
Every
Single
Day?

- 08/21/19

Look deeper into his mind
And you'll see that he's in pain
You wonder what you've done
Why he's always distant and reserved
Baby he only treats you as such because he's afraid
He has his guard up and can you blame him?
With the women these days and the way they act
Can you blame him for being aweary and restrained?

Look deeper into her mind
And you'll see that she's in pain
You wonder what you've done
Why she's always agitated and unapproachable
Baby she only treats you as such because she's afraid
She has been through a vast amount of suffrage
With the men these days and the way they act
Can you blame her for being tense and drained?

I'd rather just stay single.

Sometimes I feel like time is escaping me and the world is disabling me from my true self.
I am in immense pain all throughout my body and sometimes it feels as if it is a slow and painful death.
I have seen the angels and I have felt their presence grab me within my dreams.
I've seen my past memories flashing by, and at this moment in time I can say that I am prepared.
Sometimes I feel like time is escaping me, but I feel like I am the one disabling me from my true self.
Maybe this is just a sign to keep going, and this is not really the end.

- nsw 03/15/22

Introverted
Do you know how it feels to be all alone
There are times
Where my mother pushes me to go out
And make more friends
But how am I supposed to follow her advice
When she's the same as me?
As a team, we aid each other into branching out
There are times where I force her to attend social events
And she tells me to join groups
Over time, we both began to take advice
My friends showed me a different side of life
And as for my mother,
She's happily engaged
I am in highschool
And she is in her 40's
Yet internally, we're still the same

- 12/05/19

I'm going to tell you a story
Of this couple that had no choice but to linger together..
For many years the wife was getting abused.. drugged.. *****
He would spend all day out with an older woman.. and come home to a fresh meal by his warm-hearted lover
He never recognized the pain he had put her through..
How sadly.. she was attached to him mentally and emotionally

Fast forward to the day when the husband had gotten a call from the hospital
That he had beat her so violently.. she was put into a coma
The woman was quickly losing her vitality
Indenial by heart but ignorant by choice
Refused to take accountability for his actions
He had taken it out on that older woman

Next thing you know.. his wife had passed.. he had beat the older woman so critically..
That she was bleeding tears down her soft cheeks dripping onto the hard-wooded floor
Every single day she would make prayers.. hoping she had something left to look forward to
I guess at one point you just don't want to fight anymore
Later that month.. this older woman had taken her own life.
That's two.
When will this stop?
What does it take?

"Why did you distance?"
Your absence is my presence
Of reality
Endearment
I want to know you
Love you
How am I supposed to do such
When you act like you don't care?
Your disassociation from my body
Was what caught me
The real reason I distanced

- 12/11/19

You begin the morning with determination
Push yourself through the day
Accomplish all that is needed
Just so you can end the night with satisfaction.
I know it can get draining..
But I am proud of you.

I told you to leave me alone
To get away from me
I'm having an awful time
I am not in the right state of mind

But you kept going
You kept pushing
You didn't think to care how I felt
You wanted to get your pleasure

You went down so low
That you went out of your way
To mess up a girls life
A girl you didn't even know

A girl you had never met before
Just someone who was pretty
Someone who had "the body"
I am ashamed of you. *******.
**** anyone who knows of your true self.
And lastly, **** anyone who ever supported you.
You don't deserve to have a joyful life.

- 08/21/19

This Earth is a vacation.
Pack your bags, but only bring a few suitcases.
Travel lightly, because you are not staying long.
60, 70, 80 years max, with an eternal life in Heaven.
This Earth is temporary, yet we make it seem like
- Every obstacle in our path is the end of the world
- Flaunting what we have, even though it won't stay
- Not understanding the true meaning of relationships
Although every tangible thing is temporary,
So are people, any moment could be a person's last
Yet we hold these petty grudges and
Disrespect straight to the face..
Then mourn and regret as we're taking them to the grave.
This Earth is a vacation, so let's act like it.

I have some questions for you -

How would you feel if I did the same **** to you?
How would you feel if I destroyed your peace and left you?
How would you feel if I wasted not only your time, but your energy just with my presence?

When you're ready to give me a response for the deeds you've done, I'm right here willing to listen

Because after all..
I'm still praying for your well-being.

Vent after vent, constantly being told "I feel you"
But do you really? Do you really feel me?
Do you know how it feels to be a burden upon your own family?
To have everyone you love and care for, be gone...
In just a single moment?
To consciously be afraid of the past, the present, the future
But you know YOU feel me, so tell me, what can I do besides just own it?
I need help.

Day after day, I'm told "be grateful, you have everything"
But when will you put it together
That I am grateful
That graciousness is not mixed with depressiveness
I just need help.

Minute after minute, I'm told "the time is ticking
The age is blinking
The seconds are slipping"
And I
I'm simply lost
I just need help.

It's like I'm screaming for assistance but there is nobody around to hear me
I'm trapped in my own body
The words coming out of my mouth do not match the thoughts going through my head
The values in my brain do not match the ones in my heart
I'm easily mistaken
The world awakens
And I
I am unshaken
I just need help.

- 10/15/18

My time is near
I can smell the growing pain of my death
My ashes are fixated into the air
Who would've thought this would be reality?
No matter where I go.. it feels like I'm stuck in some realm
Of anger and brutality
The unseen normality
I look further and realize
Life is not a game of strike and spare
But somehow it seems as if
When God comes and pulls souls out of bodies
So swiftly and suddenly
One by one..
I know I'm going to hit the strike and humanity will hit the spare.

I am going through these phases in my life at the moment,
Easing into them and learning not to stress, I am often reminded that life stops for no one, and it adds upon the feeling.
I am taking it day by day yet sometimes my mind takes control over my body, and I feel like I am stuck in this realm of disturbance and agony.
The concept of change is an alternative reality for me, and I feel like I am heavily lacking in the sense of understanding that this is the stage of adulthood.
Time is taking me over day by day and sometimes I can't even imagine myself growing older, and it is almost my time. I feel like I have cheated death for the past four years, and that I am an outsider on this land.
The disturbance and agony quickly grows into suicidal and depression with no way of escaping. Slowly, I feel like I am deteriorating in my own body, and at this point in time,
I am letting go of myself, and putting all things above me.

I just apologize if I have ever wronged you, pray for me and forgive me.

Love..
What is it?

My parents were deeply in 'love'
The smile they had on their faces
Each day..
The love was shown within their vitality
But then you look at the other side
Where the grass isn't so green and the sky isn't so blue
My friend was having affairs
My cousin was being abused

What is love?
Because if I'm going to risk my peace & stability
I need to know that he's ready for me
That I'm going to get the positive energy
Constantly

I don't know what love is but I'm scared of it

In the wintertime I crave affection
In the summertime I crave being solo
In the fall and spring I go with the flow
Now how's that supposed to work
When I'm supposed to keep a lifelong partner
When I'm supposed to be in 'love'
When I'm supposed to devote the rest of my life to marry this person
But I grow out of my feelings so quickly
I hope to learn and understand my emotions deeper
So I can show the affection that I give myself..
To my partner. Because after all, that is my husband
For the rest of my life

As the days go on.. some females disappoint me
Giving away your body to get revenge at a man
Actually let me emphasize..
A man who does not care
Not about you nor your life
Who has seen you as an object and treated you as such
But you get so worked up by his actions
Sometimes it seems like females don't see their worth
That their self-esteem revolves around a man
You do everything (and I mean everything)
But leave and put yourself in a positive and uplifting setting.
You're over here drenching tears, destroying valuables, keying cars, taking it out on your children. But for what.. and at what cost?
Now look at you.. lost your child and you ended up in a place
You could've avoided if you had took the initiative
Before it was too late.
For the love of God.. Help Yourself.

I want to start this off by saying thank you
I want to begin with kind words and heartful emotions
Do you know the impact you have on my life?
It's only been such little time
But even then
I feel so strongly
My heart is aching.. but it is aching with joy
Which is.. new to me
I've always been accustomed to pain
I guess now I feel more pain with the joy
But each day we communicate
Every minute we are with each other
On the phone
Through the phone
I feel your warmth
The safety with your arms around me
A blessing.

- 01/18/2020

I lost all of my beliefs
Since the day that I lost my father
And only the Lord is helping with my grief
What if the world is hopeless
And I tell you that I am scared to be alone?
What if humanity is done for and we're all surviving solely?
It's just a story.. or a dream
But I see the message within the idea of truth
I know things are beautiful and there are good hearts
Despite this, I am still on my own
I've been ill-treated by most so I've come to that point
Where I'm not afraid to be alone anymore.. in fact..
Please leave me by myself and my thoughts.
I just want to be alone.

Put your whole faith into me
I am worth it but more importantly I am determined
Fixated on your pleasure and satisfaction
I am earnest and idyllic
I don't need to prove it to you, I just need an hour
Just like my peers, you'll see right through me
But if only you had the time..
I mean.. If only you took the time.

Give me time.. I am in despair
I cannot breathe and my lungs are filled with affliction and discomfort
The disarray of my tears is the representation of my illness
My time is escaping me
My heart is pulsating faster than ever before
It's like I'm lumbered into this room with myself and 300 unknowns
But somehow I look around and still feel like I'm alone
I am in utter disappointment
My tears have fallen and I am completely shaken
Everyday it's like I'm fighting this balance with myself.. fighting for my identity
Even my tears are drowning in water
Even my lungs are finding it hard to breathe
And even my heart is pulling itself apart.