The day you told me that I will be safe with you
That you will make me blossom into a beautiful woman
An artist with support for his lover
I had this feeling in the core of my heart
That has been pushing to be released
Yet I keep these emotions hidden deep inside of me
Because what if I'm mistaking myself.. and I don't feel that way?
Or even worse.. what if you don't?
I am stuck in this reality trying to figure out how this relationship will begin.. and continue
Right person, wrong time
But we're still going to make it work.. time doesn't control us
And I promise you..
The day that I say those three words to you
Is going to be a special moment between us
Because the amount of times I've been aching to tell you
Yet I force myself not to..
You'll know I mean it.

Thank you for being my candle through this tunnel of darkness
Things have been very depressing, I feel as if I have lost myself once again
You are the constant reminder that nobody can control me
You are the one who motivates me to accomplish more than I did the day before
You have helped me realize that I am not dependent on anyone, that I only owe myself growth
You have refreshed and reset my mind into this new mentality
Constructing my thoughts to understand
That I am fierce, and capable of all that I put my head into
Thank you for knowing how to help me in ways that not only attain to my growth
But without putting yourself into the situation
You don't even know how blessed I am to have you.

I am going to help you blossom into an even more beautiful and kindhearted man
I am here to support you no matter what adversities that you may face, no matter what obstacles stumble your path
I am the constant reminder in your life, that you will be not only just fine, but successful
I am going to be a positive light to your mental health, and provide you with joyous emotions
I am your lover, and will only treat you with the tender care you have been yearning for
I am someone who is never going to leave you when times get rough
And times will get rough..
Negative feelings may take over our hearts
But no matter what.. our love will never distance
We will not fall apart from each other
I am speaking this into existence
No matter who is around, you are the only one I want to be with
There will always be men that are fine, or smart
But none of them compare to you.. and our connection
You are the only man that I want.. forever
I am going to spoil you.

Today is a new day, a new chapter with you
Each day I wake up with you on my mind
Your kind words, your soft looks
Feeling your gentle touch caressing the edge of my shoulder all the way down to my waist, through the path of my spine
I miss your presence, your appearance.
Each day I strive for a larger achievement, with you on my mind
Your motivation, your ambition
Your pleasant push reminding me daily, to reach the goals set in my heart
I miss your company, your attachment.
Each day you help me become a better person than the day before, and my heart is set on being with you.
Yesterday was a fantasy, a past epilogue of emotions
Today is a new day, a new chapter with you
Tomorrow is when reality hits, and the book ends
But as you once told me -
Let's live in the present for now.

I'm in love with the way you talk about your passion
How you are so invested in your music
Spending countless hours working on different songs
Adjusting them to perfection
I'm in love with the way you never doubt yourself
How you continuously say that you WILL be the best
I believe in you all the way
Supporting you alongside
I'm in love with you TJ
I'm in love with everything about you
How you constantly joke with things that should be taken serious
How you always put a smile to my face no matter what mood I'm in
I'm in love with you and I can't say it enough.

I want you to know something -
I love the way you express your feelings
Even though it takes a while for you to get there
I don't know if it's because you're scared
Or maybe it's because you just don't express emotions
But when you do, it makes my heart warm
Hearing your soothing voice in my ear, telling me what you love about me
Makes me feel loved and safe.

Your actions of affection are what caught my eyes physically
The warmth in your touch, as you are holding me
Pulling me closer to you as we are sleep
The way you awaken slowly with your eyes, and stare at me
With a beautiful smile on your face.
How any minute you may get to hug me, and love on me.. you do.
The kindness in your heart is what drew me emotionally
Your words of sentiment.. knowing you've gone through much in this life
Yet you keep a positive outlook on the future
The devotion staked into your heart.. is what I'm falling in love with
Yes, you are handsome
Yes, you are beautifully minded
Yes, you are motivated and passionate
But what brought me towards you, is your personality
Your soft heart, that wants to be loved
No matter how many times you deny it
You were searching for someone to love you and care for you, this whole time
Then I came around, not knowing the affect I would later have on you
Though this was unexpected..
I'm ready.

You're everything that I've been praying for.
Those nights that I spent drowning in my tears
For someone to treat me the way that you do
To love me the way that you do
Even though this came unexpected..
You still treated me with the most respect, a true gentleman.
I won't give up on you, I will fight for you
I can't wait to see what the future holds for the both of us.
God blessed me with you, and I am more than blessed to have you

The moment I come back to you, I will be overwhelmed with happiness
The minute I get to feel your touch, I will not let go of you
You will be getting all of me, as you already know by now
Well.. you already have all of me..
But when we see each other again
You will be triple locked in to this house of ours
No windows, no doors.. you're trapped
You're stuck with me
No matter how much I annoy you
No matter what issues we will go through within our relationship
We will solve it together and in private
Because you are for me, and I am for you.
You are not for your friend, and I am not for mine.
So with that being said,
I'm ready to face the joyous moments as well as the difficult times with you
I'm ready to be with you, and love you for as long as life lets us
You have taught me how I should have been treated since the beginning
The respect you have for me is noticed, and I am more than grateful to have you
I'm happy.

Every single day you are on my mind
No.. even more than that.. it's like **** near every minute
There's always times where I am wondering what we would be doing if I was with you
How great of a time it would be if we were together all the time.
I reminisce on us before, and I miss it more each day.
I wish that I had spent more time with you and told you my feelings earlier
Rather than waiting till I was gone for a while.
Now every moment we have together in the future will not go to granted
I cannot wait until you're officially mine.
I miss you.

It's come to the point where I have become practically obsessed with you
You're the only thing that stays running through my mind everyday
Your words are constantly being repeated into my ears with bliss
The image of you looking at me with love is engraved into the back of my eyes
Not to mention anytime I think about your ***** being inserted inside of me, I crave you
I want all of you, every little part.
From your head to your toes.
The beauties and the flaws, the hurt and the heal.
I don't know why I fell so hard for you
And why it happened so quickly.
I don't understand how something that was so simple
Ended up to be a complex series of happiness.
I need you in my life, and if we weren't to see this through..
Just like you said, I would definitely regret it too.

For years I have been subconsciously searching for you in other people
For years I have been put through hell by just about everyone I've ever met
For years I have been up and down in these stages of my depression
I was finally at peace before I met you, I was happy with myself.
But you taught me that those other people that I was dealing with weren't right for me
Because though I might've been "happy" with them, after some time I would lose my own self to this so called emotion of love
I am still at peace with you, and it's been some time
My feelings have heightened and I will proudly say that I am in love with you
And if you do not feel the same just yet, know that you are not rushed, and I am here whenever you are
You've watered the seed that was placed deep inside of me, and helped me grow into this beautiful soul that will only keep growing.
You are the feather to my rose and though that might not make sense to you,
To me.. the combination of a feather and a rose would be the least expected of them all
Yet look at us, happy and beautiful
I'm ready for you but most of all
I just want to say thank you, for everything you have done.
It's difficult for your mind to be around someone who has been slowly getting back into depression, yet you're still here.
You're still helping me without hurting yourself
You still push me further each and every day and I am safe to say I wouldn't be as far as I am at the moment if it weren't for you
So thank you. You really are the next biggest blessing of mine and I'm ready to have you.

Sometimes I lose faith in myself, and I easily begin to hate myself
Other times I believe deeply in my success, and I love myself
You always wonder why I constantly ask for your reassurance
Instead of waiting for you to provide it to me.
Well the truth is, my whole life I was never given these words
I've always had to ask for them, beg for them
I was never given a true "I'm proud"
Or a true "I love you"
It was always just a slap on the thigh to shut me up
Because no one has ever really appreciated me
So to those who give attention to me,
I need their words, I need their attention
I fall for reassurance, I fall for your words and your passion
It hurts me each time I feel proud of myself,
Yet no one around me is
For my whole life I was waiting for the approval of others to feel a way about myself
Yet you've showed me different.
You've showed me to be proud of myself regardless of whoever thinks,
And I just want to let you know that I'm still working on it.
I'm still trying to improve myself day by day.
I promise you I'm trying.

I often sit and wonder
How it happened...you and I
We could have stayed as strangers,
As people with no intentions in becoming together
But something sparked in between us
A connection was brought to our attention
And it happened...you and I.
Whenever we are together.. I feel like I am at peace
It feels as if, I found my home.
You are my person.
You have been the man that I have been dreaming of, anytime I thought about love
I found you, in an unusual way
But I found you.
Those love poems I used to drain my heart into,
You are the person they were about, even though I hadn't even known you at the time
Subconsciously I never knew that it would come to me this quickly, and happily.
Each time I tell you how blessed I am to have you it never seems like enough, and that's only because you truly are one of the biggest blessings I've had in a while, and I will treat you as such.
Don't ever doubt how much I care for you, and most importantly, how much I truly want you.
I will always go as far as I need to, just to show you.
You're a dream come true.

I am so afraid of messing up with you
I feel like one wrong step could drop everything between us
I am scared of pain, of getting hurt
Yet over the month and a half that we have been getting to know one another
That fear is slowly fading away, and my wall towards you has been broken down completely
Though I still have small instances here and there
Where I constantly worry about the wrong things
Rather than listen to your words of reassurance
I am glad that you understand me, because you **** near read me
I am blessed to have someone that I can actually trust with just about anything
And though I may still doubt myself, your words of reassurance is what catches me
You are my biggest supporter, and I am yours.
I am so proud of you TJ.

You have been my biggest supporter and I know you will continue to be
I want to show you how much you mean to me
You are a special human being that has entered my life
And I've noticed since just about the first day
Your arms bring me comfort
Your words bring me reassurance
Your actions bring me joy
Life is so good right now,
Now close your eyes and imagine
Imagine how it is going to be in 6 months
When we'll be together however much we would like
I love being yours
Now imagine when it'll become official
I'm going to keep you happy love
I am going to support you
I'm going to have the same effect on you, as you have on me.

I remember the first time we had met.
The first time we laid eyes on each other as you were on the way to my home
How I had felt so nervous, but excited
I remember I didn't want more than a small fling
Couple of pleasure runs then we're both on our way to a different path
..Well that was before

When you came, sitting right in front of me
Talking about all sorts of creative topics that we were both passionate about
Music, poetry, art, trauma, etc.
It felt as if I've told you before
It felt.. natural
Normally I don't express any vulnerability but with you..it was like I was calling home.
Later that night, we had gotten our pleasure and you spent the night
Even then, it felt beautiful, and I was safe in your arms.

In the morning I had awaken to you getting out of the bed, and you took a shower in my home
Something so simple yet.. it felt natural.. like home.
I remember the vision of you in the shower while I was brushing my teeth and how we were so comfortable with one another, just after the first day we had met.
You had waited for me to get ready, so we could both leave around the same time
And I knew you were special.

From that day on, I knew you were the person I wanted
Though I hesitated, I was catching feelings for you more and more as we kept spending time together
Just being in your presence made me instantly joyous.
I wish we could relive that day all over again, but I'm more than excited for the future.
You are my person.

There's a stream that is flowing through my heart
With your blood running through instead of mine
And I don't mean this in a dependent way
I mean this in a way.. where.. you made life a whole lot better for me.

There's a stream that is flowing through my brain
With thoughts of you constantly running through
And I don't mean this in an odd manner
I mean.. where you're always on my mind, because you're mine.

There's a stream that is flowing through my soul
With your actions attached and running through
The way that you treat me is engraved into my body
Engraved to my soul.

From now on, whether we're together in the future or not,
I know how a man should treat me, and you've shown me that
You are an actual work of art
And I'm auctioning a part myself to you

I hope that you are mine for the rest of our lives
I was complete before I met you,
But you have filled my life with color
And to go on without you, would just be black and white
With shades of grey.

It's because we're so alike, like twin souls
Together in the past life, reunited in this one
You will carry my heart one day, and I trust you
Anytime I'm with you, I'm home.

You are my feather.
The soft, gentle heart that has been placed into my life
Only to help me grow and bring me relief
I feel calm, safe, loved when I'm around you
When I'm talking to you, when I'm thinking of you.
I believe that all our lives
We're subconsciously looking for home
And if we're really lucky..
We find it in someone's loving arms.
I guess I got lucky with you..

Sometimes I just wonder why I'm giving you my heart
I wonder how in the hell did this all even start
I wonder how we're together
Yet we're so far apart.
Sometimes I just wonder.
I'm attached to your soul
I'm intrigued by your mindset
I'm in love with your personality
& I'm safe in your arms.
Your presence makes me feel complete, and you are my best friend.
Though I was fine before I met you
I'm even better now that I have you
And I'm ready to see us grow as time passes us.

It's your heart that gets me every time
The way you are so soft spoken
Intelligent
Kind
Loving
Honest.
I could go on and on about your characteristics and what makes you, you.
But let's talk about the things I love the most about you.
Yes I love your personality, but even more than that..
I'm in love with your motivation
I'm in love with you having your own goals, and each present day you push yourself even just an inch closer
You are determined in being successful
I believe in you, I support you
But baby most of all, I'm so ******* proud of you.
I want to be surrounded by you.

When I look into your eyes I see your promises
The ones that you have kept in your mind, but have never said out loud.
I see you tell yourself that you never want to hurt me, and that you want to love me.
I see that you're afraid but deep down, you trust me.
Though it's something you might not want to admit, or maybe it's something you don't realize yourself -
I see through you
How do you think I fell for you?
How do you think I really trust you?
I know you -

When I look into your eyes I see a man that wants to give me all of his love
But is being held back by boundaries of distance
Guards held up, fears soaring through your mind
But I view that each day, you fall harder for me
I notice that each day, you want me more and more
Each and every single day, you'll be here to stay.
I look into your eyes and I see a soft feather caressing a bruised rose
I look into your eyes and I'm sure that a great artist has dipped her brush into your soul, and used it to bring us together
Lastly, when I look into your eyes, I see a million stars up in the sky, and I see your love for me peaking through.
I spent my days waiting for someone exactly like you.

When we're together, I feel like I'm at home
As you've probably heard and you will continue to.
The connection we've had since the beginning
Is something I've never stumbled upon
That is why I call you such a blessing
The time I needed someone like you the most.. you came
When I was needing to be pushed with my poetic talent
When I was needing someone who understands me
Someone who listens to me.. doesn't give up on me.. you came.
You are truly a big blessing in my life and I am never going to deny it
God placed you into my life while I was searching for someone like you subconsciously
And each and every day I'm more thankful.
I've grown more within these past two months than I've grown in some years
And that's only because I got everything I had been begging for, for years.
So I'll say this over and over again
Until it gets engraved into your brain.
Thank you.

February 16th, 2020
This was the day we first met, the day that this all began
Though neither of us knew it at the time,
I had a feeling you were going to be someone special in my life.
The way you spoke, with such a soft tone
The feeling I had when I was next to you, like I was safe
The conversations we had, and not to mention the connection.
It was two days after Valentines, on a Sunday, around 10 at night.
I remember these details, because they are special to me.
I don't understand how I can recall these little things, but it is a blessing.
You are special to me.
I never knew I wanted you deeper than your **** inside of me.
I never knew I wanted your full heart instead of just your *****
I never knew I was starting to fall for you.
Things had become clearer the second night we had met
I was constantly forcing myself out of those thoughts
The thoughts like "what if we were together"
Or "**** I kinda like this man"
I was immediately pulling myself out of these discussions that were being placed back in forth in my mind
Because what if you hadn't felt the same
And I was just placing myself into a position..
Where I was going to get hurt?

Little did I know.. that me expressing my feelings towards you, to you..
Would bring me this joyous little relationship that we have going
Little did I know.. that meeting you on the 16th of February, would cause us to become closer
Little did I know.. that I would start falling in love with you.

If I could give you one gift in life,
It would be the ability to experience your identity
Through my eyes.
The way you make me feel, the way I see you
The way I care for you, the way you make me calm.

You are my peace, my soft place in this cruel world.
You are my guiding light, my best friend.
Sometimes I believe that
It was so easy, how I began falling in love with you
It frightens me.
I've never felt this deeply for someone in my past, and I've dated for years before.
I've never wanted anything so much as I want to be in your arms, and in your presence.. especially while I sleep.
I'm afraid that if I do start loving you deeply,
What if we end things?
I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to stop.

This is my confession.

No matter how deep in darkness I am
No matter how much negativity is placed into my heart
No matter the amount of despair striking my mind.
I will always find enough light to adore you, and love you.
It's in my thoughts that you are not only perfect for me, but that you are mine.
Let's just say, I do a lot of thinking before I hit my bed.
I play scenes over and over inside my head
The day we met, the *** we've had, the way I've felt in your arms
I practice the things I want to say
Being transparent with you, being vulnerable.
I have endless "what ifs"
Such as "what if we don't last" "what if we hurt one another"
But that is all tucked away into this little corner in the back of my mind
I think about how much I miss you
How much I hate being far away from you
I ask myself why do I have a lot of questions.
But most importantly,
I ask myself.. why am I constantly thinking about the past and the future,
But never the present?

Today made me realize.. to be a woman is one of the most difficult challenges we are constantly thrown back into
The amount of pain that we go through.. the men that cross our paths
How I am afraid of some of these boys that walk right beside us
Act as if they are our friends, care for us
Yet the minute we stand alone.. all morals become forgotten.
I know how difficult it must be, to be someone in your position
To hear something so heartbreaking and cold, especially about someone you care for deeply.
I just want to let you know, that I am in the process of healing
I am still trying to find my voice, and myself.
I try to forget about her and everything tied to her, my old self.
But it is harder than anyone can imagine
Those memories of what people have done to me repetitively
Destroyed my trust, crushed my heart
I'm surprised I even let you in.
But I'm thankful.
Each day for me is a struggle, I am still learning to get past all the traumatic experiences in my life
I want to thank you for being such a great man to me
But most importantly,
To be a great man with morals.
Sad to say, but there really aren't many like you.

It seems like..
Every morning when I awaken, you're right there.. running through my head.
Any time I'm working on something, I begin to wander, how would it be if you were here beside me?
I don't know why I can't stop thinking about you all the time
It's like those dark memories from my past were snatched and replaced with joyous thoughts
The brutal scenes that would constantly repeat over and over, have been replaced with snippets of the times we've spent together
I am far away from solitude, and for once it feels nice.
My mind feels as if it is at peace.

No matter how far, nor how long it takes for us to see each other
I can promise you one thing - my love is yours.
I am here waiting for us to reunite and begin life as normal.
I'm drawn to you in many different ways.
&This is why God brought us together
This is not a coincidence.. it's a sign.
Not only are you my best friend
But you are my partner
My mentor
My anchor
My blessing.
For once..
Reality is finally better than my dreams..

If I could go back in time today,
To the day we met
I wouldn't change a single thing.
Everything was so perfectly planned
Emotions began to form quickly, yet at the same pace
And to this day,
Two months later,
We're good.
Though if I could go back in time today,
Way before we met
I would tell myself
That someone perfect for you, is coming
And to stop fw these lame men
Who don't care for you
And wait for you to get a real one.
If I could go back in time today,
To the last time I saw you
I would hug you a little bit tighter
I miss you more and more each day.

You make me calm when I'm angry
Make me joyous when I'm upset
Make me laugh when I want to cry
The moment you stepped foot into my life
It felt as if everything had just flipped upside down
You believed in me
And supported me when no one else did
Pushed me further when no one else did
When I'm with you it feels like time flies so fast
Yet when we're apart, time goes by painfully slow.
My favorite that you've taught me
Whether you realized it or not..
Is that I don't need you, but I do want you.
I'm good without you, and I will always be..
But you coming into my life was a blessing.

When I cannot say my emotions in words
You look deeply into my eyes
And understand just about everything I might be going through
Though at first it was creepy as hell
It's my favorite thing about you.
You understand me at times when I don't even understand myself
You listen to me at times where my thoughts are clouded
And I jump from one topic to another
You're patient with me
Respectful towards me
Loving to me.
You always tell me
The distance between us at the moment
Is only to make our relationship stronger
And for us to be more grateful with the time that we do have together.

Lastly, I appreciate you beginning to give your heart to me
And trusting me with your pride
I appreciate you as a person
And everything you've brought upon to me.

Do you ever lay around and wonder how differently life would be if you and I never met?
Do you ever think that maybe things could have gone better or easier
Or even worse..
Do you ever see that maybe we were meant for each other at this point in time
Of both of our lives?
Maybe because we are both so self-attained to growth
Trying to become the best of the best
But also fulfill our own goals and make sure everyone around us is doing fine.
Do you ever realize how alike yet so different we are?
Maybe if we hadn't met
We wouldn't have known how we're supposed to feel
In a relationship like this
Or how we should be treated
And loved.. cared for.
But do you ever lay around and wonder.. if I'm the one made for you, for the future too?

If I had the words to describe how I truly feel about you
If I had the words to explain to you my worries that ache through my heart
If I had the words to speak and decipher my own self
I would be the happiest woman in the universe.
But words seem to fail me time and time again
So we both have to settle with the messages hidden within these poems.

Your touch, your laugh, your presence, and your mind
Mesmerize me completely
I've caught ropes with your personality
Let me just say that..
If I had one true wish
Besides to be successful,
It would be to stay by your side for eternity.

I keep our memories together in this tiny shoebox placed into the back corner of my mind.
I keep the words that you have spoken to me inside of that box
Including the actions you've done, the way you've made me feel.
I keep the thoughts that I've never told you about, inside.
As well as the freaky **** that constantly crosses my mind.
The symbolic measures that pass me, about you
Such as you being my feather, and you caressing me with your touch.
Inside of the same box.
I keep all these beautiful meanings, tucked and organized
Because when I am ready to fully love you, and admit it
These memories will find their way out of the hidden box
And into my mind, spoken through my words.
I've got you stuck in every aspect of my head
Including my dreams
Can you get out, please?

Because of you, a girl feels loved daily
Because of you, a girl believes she has potential to get far in life
Because of you, a girl finds herself waking up with smiles each day
Because of you, a girl feels worthwhile
Because of you, a girl learns to love and be expressive, rather than hide her inner emotions
Because of you, a girl learns to have patience, but also to not be lazy
To understand the value of work
Because of you, I remain persistent even when things get rough
Because of you, I find comfort in loving arms, especially yours.
You are my person
And you made my life a whole lot better

How do you find the energy, to do the things you do on the daily
As well as put up with me.
How do you find the energy, to push me further everyday, while pushing yourself?
How do you find the energy, to maintain your own emotions, as well as helping me with mine?
I'm going to be honest, I don't know how you do it all, but I am so happy that I found you
More than that, I'm happy that you are in my life
As my lover.

Every day you have this beautiful smile shining upon your face
Though you may be stressed or upset, you still remain smiling

Money is your motivation, but more than that it is your passion
You hear that special calling, and because of that you always stay true

Your music is your dedication, and your devotion is to your fans
To you, music is unique and special, a beautiful gem.

Some days it gets frustrating and demanding
But when you are set forth toward your goal, nobody can stop you.. and I love that about you.

Each day you remind yourself why you work so hard
Making differences in lives through a major platform, you have so much potential

There's a special pride in artists, and a love for what you do
I am appreciative of you, and I want you in my life for the rest of time. I am proud of you.

The most beautiful people I know are those that are humble, kind, understanding, loving..
Those that know how to balance before putting others before themselves..
That show appreciation to those around them, show loving concerns to those they care for..

Now read that again.. and think of who that pertains to in your life
For me, it's you.

You are one of the most beautiful people I know, and you are special to me.

Sometimes I get nervous around you
I don't know why - maybe it's because I'm still getting used to you
The thought of things unfolding just as fast as we got together still scares me
I'm still learning to get comfortable to you, and us.
And I'm not saying it's going to take too long, but it will take some time
So don't doubt me when I say that there are things that I want to do
Or things I want to try with you
The moment I get completely and fully comfortable with the concept of us and being together with someone again
You'll see, and you'll understand that the way I act now,
It's because I'm still getting to know you, and getting to understand you
It will take me some time
Just be patient.

Most times it is so difficult to try and understand myself
I feel like my mind is so complicated and my thoughts are complex
You enter my brain and you're stuck in this realm that is too difficult to escape
Time after time I continuously stop myself from thinking too much
Quit making up scenarios in my head
Quit revising old memories
Keep my past life from re-entering my mind negatively

I'm tired of being in this battle with myself daily
It's like time after time I burden my own self
How is that even possible?
Though you may already know..
The reason I am telling you this
Is because if you want to be with me
And if you want me..
Then you will also be stuck with this part of me.
Though I push myself further mentally everyday..
I still have this flaw of me overthinking the tiniest details
And bringing them up or keeping them quiet.
I am working on it, I promise you.
Just be patient.

I'm guilty.

I'm guilty of not spending as much time with you as I could before I had left.
I'm guilty of hiding from my own self, and my own little fantasies that are made up inside of my head.
I'm guilty of forcing myself not to continue falling in love with you, just because I'm afraid of the outcome.
I'm guilty of sometimes bottling my true emotions not because I don't trust you, but simply because it's something new everyday.
I'm guilty of thinking that I am a burden upon you.
I'm guilty of not being the most comfortable I can be with you, but just that it will take time.
I'm guilty of not hugging you the tightest I could hug before I was gone.
I'm guilty of not being able to see you for months, yet missing you more each day.
I'm guilty of wanting to love you, care for you, spoil you, and trust you.
I'm guilty of wanting to be your girlfriend, and your last one at that.
And lastly, I'm guilty of falling in love with you.

You make my heart warm, my mind clear, my touch soft, and my soul cleansed.
You make my eyes crinkle, my forehead wrinkle, my feet slip, and my body ready.
You make my beauty seem astounding, you make me feel proud, you make me feel safe.
You help me in my time of need, you make my thoughts calm, you give me hope.
You make time for me, you care for me, you're falling for me.. but most importantly, you prove it to me.
Each conversation we have, each text that is sent, each picture that is shown.. you make me feel beautiful.
You make me feel loved, you make me feel like I'm worth a lot.
Yeah I don't need you, but I do definitely want you.
And I want anything and everything that comes with you.
Triple locked in, BULLETPROOF windows, and an open door.. because you are not my prisoner.
I want all of you, especially as mine completely
And you will be.

You read me, you read through me.
Sometimes I want to say that you don't understand me but
The truth is, that you do.
You understand me more than anyone else in my life has.
And it's only been two months.
You try for me.
You acknowledge my emotions.. my behavior.
You recognize my tone.. my style.
You appreciate my actions.. my words.
You read me, you read through me.
Sometimes I want to say that you don't care for my feelings but
The truth is, that you do.
You ask me what is wrong anytime I am acting different
You know how I am, what I'm feeling, and probably even my thoughts.
You prove it each and everyday.
And it's only been two months.
I know I say this all the time but
I don't know what I did to deserve you in my life, as mine.
It could be all the pain that I was dragged through, all the emotions I had pushed aside for the sake of others
It could be all the times that I was beaten and drained mentally by my peers.
Even though that may seem like a lot, if that was all that it took to have someone like you in my life as mine.. I would go through it all over again for you.

I'm not going to lie at times I'm an emotional mess.
Thoughts and feelings being pulled out of random parts of my mind
About things I do not even care for as much anymore.
But behind the thorns of myself, there is my beauty, my rose.
I am beautiful, thoughtful.
I am going to be successful, as well as be content with my mental.
No one is going to care for you as much as I do
Actions speak louder than words and when the time comes
It will be proved with my actions but
For now, I am going to be the one who will make you feel comforted
Relieved, distressed, loved.
I am going to be the one who will be fighting for you when it feels like nobody else cares for you.
I am going to be the one who
Who accompanies you, supports you.
I am your biggest fan TJ Mac.
You are my special gem, my feather.
I want you in my life, because you are perfect for me.
Just promise me, that you won't hurt me.

It can be draining to live life, feeling as if you're all alone.
I know you feel it sometimes, though you try to hide it.
You feel lonely even though you're surrounded by plenty.
I get it, we all do, we're all humans here too.
But what I do want you to know
I take mental health very seriously.
So the minute you feel depressed, or even upset.
Angry, or even annoyed.
Tired, and drained.
Whether it is mentally, physically, or emotionally
I want you to be able to tell me.
I am not one who will leave or be distant with you when times get hard.
I am with you every step of the way, every minute of this cruel life that is being lived by the both of us.
I am here.
Ready to give you all the love I've been hoarding inside of me for years.
I am ready to have you and take care of you in times where you might be in need.
I want you here with me.

Time after time its the same despair that rots inside of my mind
It feels like my thoughts control me even though it should be the other way around
Though I hate it.. I constantly fear about every little thing
Worrying about topics that won't matter in five years..
Hell, maybe even a year.
But the thing is..
Though my mind may cause me pain at certain times
It is also my reliever.
I write beautiful poetry and create astounding art..
Just because of my mind and how I think.
My personality and heart are both fragile..
I am sensitive and moody, but it's better than me
Being nonchalant or disrespectful.
So I know it might **** that I overthink so much..
But I'm grateful..
Because that means that me thinking twice about making a decision
Or about a situation that has happened..
Only means that I truly do care about myself
Unlike before.

Though I may joke around with you
Overthink constantly
Ask you the same questions over and over..
Deep down in my heart I know how you feel about me
Though I might need to hear them every once in a while,
I know I never truly will doubt anything you say
Because it's not only your words, your actions prove my value in your life.
I'm grateful to have you, and I love the way you remind me many times how you feel about me
Any time you may see me getting upset, or overthinking my place in your life..
You re-explain it no matter how annoying it may seem to you.
You really know me a lot better than most people..
& I just want to be with you..
Hold you..
Love on you.
I'm just waiting for you.

Trust is a beautiful thing when earned.
It is not given not is it easy to give.
Traumatic experiences from past years cause the both of us to doubt one another..
To be afraid and keep the wall guarded high between each other.
But I just want to tell you -
That this is something that we will get through together..
I understand I need to earn your trust and I am completely okay with that because I want you in my life.. as mine.
I want every part of you.. from your mind to your ***.
From your heart to your soul.
And my actions as well as my words will be the proof.
Same for me.. though you don't necessarily try too hard,
My trust is becoming open with you
Each day I get to becoming more transparent towards you
One day, you'll see through me completely clearly.
I'm learning to trust you, and get comfortable with you
And I know you are doing the same..
We're doing this together and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Take my hand
Hold it tight
and let's travel with each other
Beginning with talking about insecurities
Leading on to ****** fantasies
Past the pain that's been brought upon us
Ending with exploring each others souls
Learning each others minds.
I'm ready to go with you to grow with you
You are my feather, my beauty, my soft place in this painful world
You are my withered peace, and though there may be annoying times
Disagreements and harsh discussions..
I'm ready to go through it all with you.
I'm ready for you.
And I mean all of you

When I vision you holding me tight in between your arms
Being my shoulder when times may get difficult
My best friend, my lover
I get happy to know
That there is love out there for me
There is someone that sees my worth, and likes me for me.
I'm excited to form new memories with you
Go on dates with you, run errands with you, spend nights with you
Wake up next to you, love on you.
I'm excited to be together with my person, and show him the love that I've been holding inside, ready to burst upon you.
You are a true blessing to me, soon to be my boyfriend.
And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Sometimes you act like you know me better than me and you don't.
Many times you push things onto me as if you know me clearly and you don't.
No matter how much you think you know me, about me, and my personality.. you don't.
I'm not clear with you, I'm not transparent with you completely yet and sometimes I don't even want to be.
There's one thing that irks me, and that's anyone thinking that they understand me completely when they're not even close.
I'm not going to tell you how to act, or how to be, that's not my place.
But quit thinking I'm lying all the time and quit believing that everything I tell you isn't true.
It hurts when I feel like I have to prove something to everyone.
But it's ten times worse when I feel that with you.