My time is near
I can smell the growing pain of my death
My ashes are fixated into the air
Who would've thought this would be reality?
No matter where I go.. it feels like I'm stuck in some realm
Of anger and brutality
The unseen normality
I look further and realize
Life is not a game of strike and spare
But somehow it seems as if
When God comes and pulls souls out of bodies
So swiftly and suddenly
One by one..
I know I'm going to hit the strike and humanity will hit the spare.

I spend hours
Glaring at myself in the mirror
Trying to understand the person in front of me
Who am I?
What is my purpose?
Why am I still here?
Day after day
It's the same thoughts
The same pain
Blood rushing through my bones
Many times I pray
God would take it all away
Leave me to rest
I'm tired of having to hold inside the things that I would like to say
Forced to differentiate between my emotions and feelings
I can't do this anymore.

- 12/04/19

He didn't do anything wrong
So why am I so upset at his actions?
Why do I constantly let myself get hurt at things that don't even matter?

He didn't say anything wrong
So why am I not wanting to communicate with him?
Why am I constantly running from my problems instead of facing them like a woman?

It's the way he becomes nonchalant at times
It hurts that sometimes I don't even know if he would really care if he lost me
Maybe it's because I give too much, that he knows I wouldn't really leave
Maybe it's because I've shown him my vulnerability and he knows he has that advantage onto me

It hurts that sometimes I have to beg for a simple conversation
Or I always have to be the one to start it
We started this thing between us based on *******, but it's not being continued as such
So why is that the only conversation I can easily get out of him?

Sometimes I'm afraid because it hurts me, but I know that's not his intentions
And I'm more afraid if I tell him how I truly feel.. then he's going to get tired of me at one point
Annoyed by my actions and constant throbbing emotions
Distanced because of the way I cling onto him so deeply
I just hate how I feel at times, the worst part is..
That I'm the one pushing my emotions off the cliff
And making things ten times harder than they need to be.

There's a stream that is flowing through my heart
With your blood running through instead of mine
And I don't mean this in a dependent way
I mean this in a way.. where.. you made life a whole lot better for me.

There's a stream that is flowing through my brain
With thoughts of you constantly running through
And I don't mean this in an odd manner
I mean.. where you're always on my mind, because you're mine.

There's a stream that is flowing through my soul
With your actions attached and running through
The way that you treat me is engraved into my body
Engraved to my soul.

From now on, whether we're together in the future or not,
I know how a man should treat me, and you've shown me that
You are an actual work of art
And I'm auctioning a part myself to you

I hope that you are mine for the rest of our lives
I was complete before I met you,
But you have filled my life with color
And to go on without you, would just be black and white
With shades of grey.

It's because we're so alike, like twin souls
Together in the past life, reunited in this one
You will carry my heart one day, and I trust you
Anytime I'm with you, I'm home.

Sometimes I just wonder why I'm giving you my heart
I wonder how in the hell did this all even start
I wonder how we're together
Yet we're so far apart.
Sometimes I just wonder.
I'm attached to your soul
I'm intrigued by your mindset
I'm in love with your personality
& I'm safe in your arms.
Your presence makes me feel complete, and you are my best friend.
Though I was fine before I met you
I'm even better now that I have you
And I'm ready to see us grow as time passes us.

They don't give, but they want, they take
The cycle restarts
They don't listen, but they hear, they tell
The cycle repeats
Continuously asking yourself
"Where did I go wrong"

Regrets filling up your mind
You're looking for the bright little light to shine
In the shadow of the darkness
In the depth of the sea
Continuously asking yourself
"What the hell is wrong with me"

You'd ride or die for anybody that comes your way
Deep down, thinking that's a mistake
Not realizing it's merely an act of positivity
That quickly turns into a bad habit
A negative neglection
An addictive obsession
Continuously asking yourself
"When will I learn my lesson"

Going day by day,
Dragging yourself at the slowest pace
Your depression taking over your mind
Your questions taking over your conscience
Your actions taking over your heart
It's all yours
You control it all but you don't understand
And you continuously ask yourself
"When will I realize?"

- 01/06/19

Sometimes I get nervous around you
I don't know why - maybe it's because I'm still getting used to you
The thought of things unfolding just as fast as we got together still scares me
I'm still learning to get comfortable to you, and us.
And I'm not saying it's going to take too long, but it will take some time
So don't doubt me when I say that there are things that I want to do
Or things I want to try with you
The moment I get completely and fully comfortable with the concept of us and being together with someone again
You'll see, and you'll understand that the way I act now,
It's because I'm still getting to know you, and getting to understand you
It will take me some time
Just be patient.

I hate when people ask me to tell them about myself
What do you want to know? My name, age, career?
More importantly, why?
I want to remain as a mystery
I don't want you to have the benefit of knowing me
I would rather be hidden and unimportant.. than be famous and notable
I won't answer your question.
Forgive me for that

I often sit and wonder
How it happened...you and I
We could have stayed as strangers,
As people with no intentions in becoming together
But something sparked in between us
A connection was brought to our attention
And it happened...you and I.
Whenever we are together.. I feel like I am at peace
It feels as if, I found my home.
You are my person.
You have been the man that I have been dreaming of, anytime I thought about love
I found you, in an unusual way
But I found you.
Those love poems I used to drain my heart into,
You are the person they were about, even though I hadn't even known you at the time
Subconsciously I never knew that it would come to me this quickly, and happily.
Each time I tell you how blessed I am to have you it never seems like enough, and that's only because you truly are one of the biggest blessings I've had in a while, and I will treat you as such.
Don't ever doubt how much I care for you, and most importantly, how much I truly want you.
I will always go as far as I need to, just to show you.
You're a dream come true.

Today is a new day, a new chapter with you
Each day I wake up with you on my mind
Your kind words, your soft looks
Feeling your gentle touch caressing the edge of my shoulder all the way down to my waist, through the path of my spine
I miss your presence, your appearance.
Each day I strive for a larger achievement, with you on my mind
Your motivation, your ambition
Your pleasant push reminding me daily, to reach the goals set in my heart
I miss your company, your attachment.
Each day you help me become a better person than the day before, and my heart is set on being with you.
Yesterday was a fantasy, a past epilogue of emotions
Today is a new day, a new chapter with you
Tomorrow is when reality hits, and the book ends
But as you once told me -
Let's live in the present for now.

I dreaded this day for the longest.
Subconsciously the fear of having to live through the tenth of march haunted me for months
It began effecting my grades, my goals, my motivation
Everyday I reminisce on the past
On those I love and care for
How I've taken many things for granted,
And just as quickly as they came..
Those blessings vanished.

I'm tired of my mind constantly pulling away from you
My heart knows what it wants yet I strain myself
Into this headache of pain and discomfort
I am embedded in between my thoughts and wander if I will ever get past this state
Unconsciously hurting and healing at the same time
Constantly ponder at the thought that
What if you're here to destroy my peace?
Or maybe you're in my life as a blessing..
See that's my problem.. I overthink the future
I am afraid of becoming vulnerable with someone
Just for it to end and us become strangers again..
That's why I pull myself apart from you
I care about you, and I'm beginning to love you
I just don't want to hurt you.

Because I'm very hurt deep inside
I feel as if.. hurting me will reflect back to you
Because that's how I am
I put others before me.

As the days go on.. some females disappoint me
Giving away your body to get revenge at a man
Actually let me emphasize..
A man who does not care
Not about you nor your life
Who has seen you as an object and treated you as such
But you get so worked up by his actions
Sometimes it seems like females don't see their worth
That their self-esteem revolves around a man
You do everything (and I mean everything)
But leave and put yourself in a positive and uplifting setting.
You're over here drenching tears, destroying valuables, keying cars, taking it out on your children. But for what.. and at what cost?
Now look at you.. lost your child and you ended up in a place
You could've avoided if you had took the initiative
Before it was too late.
For the love of God.. Help Yourself.

It seems like..
Every morning when I awaken, you're right there.. running through my head.
Any time I'm working on something, I begin to wander, how would it be if you were here beside me?
I don't know why I can't stop thinking about you all the time
It's like those dark memories from my past were snatched and replaced with joyous thoughts
The brutal scenes that would constantly repeat over and over, have been replaced with snippets of the times we've spent together
I am far away from solitude, and for once it feels nice.
My mind feels as if it is at peace.

No matter how far, nor how long it takes for us to see each other
I can promise you one thing - my love is yours.
I am here waiting for us to reunite and begin life as normal.
I'm drawn to you in many different ways.
&This is why God brought us together
This is not a coincidence.. it's a sign.
Not only are you my best friend
But you are my partner
My mentor
My anchor
My blessing.
For once..
Reality is finally better than my dreams..

the spirals against my skin

words caught inside my throat

ability to remove pain altogether

guilt overbearing the heart endlessly

signs turned into wasted cries

the heart snatched from humanity

time is escaping us all

life is endangering my ability

just as I had thought

six feet into my heart

tempered into motions of sadness

I've given too much time

Snake bites on my skin

you gripped me with discomfort

Every single day you remind me what it feels like to be loved
To be cared for
To be understood.
Sometimes I get afraid that I will hurt you, completely annoy you, disregard you
I get more worried about this rather than the other way around.
I become afraid that one day you'll be tired of my **** and walk up, and leave me.
To this day, I don't know why you waited for me.. for MONTHS.
We had only started talking for some time, barely even a month
And yet you still felt I was close to heart enough to wait for.
I don't even know how you tolerate me half the time
My emotions are always at an all time high or low
Depending on my mood and situation,
Yet every single day you treat me with the same respect and passion as you normally would.
I've learned a lot from you already, and when August comes, I know I will be completely safe with you.. and around you
I trust you.

If I had the words to describe how I truly feel about you
If I had the words to explain to you my worries that ache through my heart
If I had the words to speak and decipher my own self
I would be the happiest woman in the universe.
But words seem to fail me time and time again
So we both have to settle with the messages hidden within these poems.

Your touch, your laugh, your presence, and your mind
Mesmerize me completely
I've caught ropes with your personality
Let me just say that..
If I had one true wish
Besides to be successful,
It would be to stay by your side for eternity.

Every day you have this beautiful smile shining upon your face
Though you may be stressed or upset, you still remain smiling

Money is your motivation, but more than that it is your passion
You hear that special calling, and because of that you always stay true

Your music is your dedication, and your devotion is to your fans
To you, music is unique and special, a beautiful gem.

Some days it gets frustrating and demanding
But when you are set forth toward your goal, nobody can stop you.. and I love that about you.

Each day you remind yourself why you work so hard
Making differences in lives through a major platform, you have so much potential

There's a special pride in artists, and a love for what you do
I am appreciative of you, and I want you in my life for the rest of time. I am proud of you.

Look deeper into his mind
And you'll see that he's in pain
You wonder what you've done
Why he's always distant and reserved
Baby he only treats you as such because he's afraid
He has his guard up and can you blame him?
With the women these days and the way they act
Can you blame him for being aweary and restrained?

Look deeper into her mind
And you'll see that she's in pain
You wonder what you've done
Why she's always agitated and unapproachable
Baby she only treats you as such because she's afraid
She has been through a vast amount of suffrage
With the men these days and the way they act
Can you blame her for being tense and drained?

I'd rather just stay single.

Every night I lay on my bed, ready to fall asleep
I have conversations with you, about my dreams
Others might think I'm crazy, maybe I'm hallucinating
But I can see you, and I speak to you.

Though you're dead, you're still alive in my dreams
Please stay with me forever, I need you with me always
I miss you more than anything
And when this life comes to an end,
I know you'll be up in the heavens waiting for me
Having a seat with my name on it
Right next to yours, dad.

The moment I come back to you, I will be overwhelmed with happiness
The minute I get to feel your touch, I will not let go of you
You will be getting all of me, as you already know by now
Well.. you already have all of me..
But when we see each other again
You will be triple locked in to this house of ours
No windows, no doors.. you're trapped
You're stuck with me
No matter how much I annoy you
No matter what issues we will go through within our relationship
We will solve it together and in private
Because you are for me, and I am for you.
You are not for your friend, and I am not for mine.
So with that being said,
I'm ready to face the joyous moments as well as the difficult times with you
I'm ready to be with you, and love you for as long as life lets us
You have taught me how I should have been treated since the beginning
The respect you have for me is noticed, and I am more than grateful to have you
I'm happy.

You have been my biggest supporter and I know you will continue to be
I want to show you how much you mean to me
You are a special human being that has entered my life
And I've noticed since just about the first day
Your arms bring me comfort
Your words bring me reassurance
Your actions bring me joy
Life is so good right now,
Now close your eyes and imagine
Imagine how it is going to be in 6 months
When we'll be together however much we would like
I love being yours
Now imagine when it'll become official
I'm going to keep you happy love
I am going to support you
I'm going to have the same effect on you, as you have on me.

My mind is soaring like an airplane through the wanders of my thoughts like the clouds are in my arms.

My body is running through the marathon of the sea where I collect myself and try to fix everything that is wrong with me.

My soul is collectively draining tears and pulling bonds out of my skin and I am deeply in pain.

My heart is the centerpiece of my whole body, and I feel like I am at the end, like I'm crying for assistance through my emotions but my words are an example of unprovoked happiness.

I like to call the mind, body, soul, and heart, the four petals of the rose of growth.

Take care of yourself.

I cannot even put into words how happy I have been
It's like the dream I've had since I was a child.. I achieved it
I made it, what I wanted to be
An artist
An author
A poet
Many talented traits all in one
And from here on, it only goes up
I will continue to thrive and surround myself in positive environments
Push away those that hurt my heart and made me suffer
I am proud of myself and my accomplishments
But listen here,
I'm not done yet
This is just the beginning.

The most beautiful people I know are those that are humble, kind, understanding, loving..
Those that know how to balance before putting others before themselves..
That show appreciation to those around them, show loving concerns to those they care for..

Now read that again.. and think of who that pertains to in your life
For me, it's you.

You are one of the most beautiful people I know, and you are special to me.

This is my confession.

No matter how deep in darkness I am
No matter how much negativity is placed into my heart
No matter the amount of despair striking my mind.
I will always find enough light to adore you, and love you.
It's in my thoughts that you are not only perfect for me, but that you are mine.
Let's just say, I do a lot of thinking before I hit my bed.
I play scenes over and over inside my head
The day we met, the *** we've had, the way I've felt in your arms
I practice the things I want to say
Being transparent with you, being vulnerable.
I have endless "what ifs"
Such as "what if we don't last" "what if we hurt one another"
But that is all tucked away into this little corner in the back of my mind
I think about how much I miss you
How much I hate being far away from you
I ask myself why do I have a lot of questions.
But most importantly,
I ask myself.. why am I constantly thinking about the past and the future,
But never the present?

Time after time you make me feel like a prized possession.
Not just any little treasure, you make me feel like I'm your gem.
You understand me thoroughly
You listen to everything I have to say
You help me calm myself
You show me that you care.
I'm someone who needs constant reassurance
I search for approval from those around me which is honestly my greatest downfall
But yet you've shown me that these two things, I don't need.
Without constantly wording every reassuring statement out..
You show me with your actions.. without me even asking for it.
But more importantly than anything,
You understand me.. that's something my own family can't do
That's when I knew you were special.

Take my hand
Hold it tight
and let's travel with each other
Beginning with talking about insecurities
Leading on to ****** fantasies
Past the pain that's been brought upon us
Ending with exploring each others souls
Learning each others minds.
I'm ready to go with you to grow with you
You are my feather, my beauty, my soft place in this painful world
You are my withered peace, and though there may be annoying times
Disagreements and harsh discussions..
I'm ready to go through it all with you.
I'm ready for you.
And I mean all of you

I'm not going to lie at times I'm an emotional mess.
Thoughts and feelings being pulled out of random parts of my mind
About things I do not even care for as much anymore.
But behind the thorns of myself, there is my beauty, my rose.
I am beautiful, thoughtful.
I am going to be successful, as well as be content with my mental.
No one is going to care for you as much as I do
Actions speak louder than words and when the time comes
It will be proved with my actions but
For now, I am going to be the one who will make you feel comforted
Relieved, distressed, loved.
I am going to be the one who will be fighting for you when it feels like nobody else cares for you.
I am going to be the one who
Who accompanies you, supports you.
I am your biggest fan TJ Mac.
You are my special gem, my feather.
I want you in my life, because you are perfect for me.
Just promise me, that you won't hurt me.

Because of you, a girl feels loved daily
Because of you, a girl believes she has potential to get far in life
Because of you, a girl finds herself waking up with smiles each day
Because of you, a girl feels worthwhile
Because of you, a girl learns to love and be expressive, rather than hide her inner emotions
Because of you, a girl learns to have patience, but also to not be lazy
To understand the value of work
Because of you, I remain persistent even when things get rough
Because of you, I find comfort in loving arms, especially yours.
You are my person
And you made my life a whole lot better

Talking directly to my own body.

I am coming to you as my new self, with peace.
With love towards you now, that I had never felt in the past.
There are days that I would feel upset, and I apologize for placing my negative thoughts onto you.
I apologize for the time I had spent, carving harsh words deeper into my epidermis until I felt the pain inside of my blood.
I apologize for the amount of times that I had tried to take my own life, and the affliction it must have caused you as well as everyone around me.
I apologize for the times that I would starve myself, just because I was not comfortable with the way I looked.
I apologize for the times that I would look in the mirror with disgust, with hate not only towards you..  but also my own self.
I apologize for treating you as if you weren't mine, as if I could get rid of you.
I apologize for letting men take you, and not pushing hard enough to get away while they were getting their pleasure, without my consent.
I apologize for not seeing the beauty in you, that I see now.
You are beautiful, and you are a part of me.

The beauty within blossoms are so majestic
The position lifted when dull and frigid.. falling at the ends of life
How when the sun shines upon, vivid memories of a vibrant red radiate through
How the vines are placed thoroughly against each strain to sustain the grace together.

Growth is the most significant concept.
How from afar the frond is viewed as lovely
But you look closely.. grasp it firmly
You feel the prickles.. and the thorns..
Seeing that directly there is the pain and torture within each leaf.

Roses have numerous meanings
In each and every way they are appealing and irresistible
The petals each depict a part of me.
Beginning with the body, to the mind, following through the soul and ending with the heart.

You make my heart warm, my mind clear, my touch soft, and my soul cleansed.
You make my eyes crinkle, my forehead wrinkle, my feet slip, and my body ready.
You make my beauty seem astounding, you make me feel proud, you make me feel safe.
You help me in my time of need, you make my thoughts calm, you give me hope.
You make time for me, you care for me, you're falling for me.. but most importantly, you prove it to me.
Each conversation we have, each text that is sent, each picture that is shown.. you make me feel beautiful.
You make me feel loved, you make me feel like I'm worth a lot.
Yeah I don't need you, but I do definitely want you.
And I want anything and everything that comes with you.
Triple locked in, BULLETPROOF windows, and an open door.. because you are not my prisoner.
I want all of you, especially as mine completely
And you will be.

I'm in love with the way you talk about your passion
How you are so invested in your music
Spending countless hours working on different songs
Adjusting them to perfection
I'm in love with the way you never doubt yourself
How you continuously say that you WILL be the best
I believe in you all the way
Supporting you alongside
I'm in love with you TJ
I'm in love with everything about you
How you constantly joke with things that should be taken serious
How you always put a smile to my face no matter what mood I'm in
I'm in love with you and I can't say it enough.

Your beauty amazes my mind.. your soul astounds my body
Everything about you.. is what I have been praying for this entire time
Where have you been my whole life?
I've been drowning in toxic relationships
Following the wrong paths
Searching above and below for someone to love me the way that you do
Without any complications or owed dues..
Listen, I don't know where you came from
Anyone who has loved you before me, I want to thank them
For helping shape you into the person you are today
But from here on out, you're mine to love.
I don't mean just for a few months.. I mean for as long as life keeps us together
I am going to bring plenty of joy into your world
Support you following your dreams, and hold you accountable
This right here.. will be a healthy relationship.
A rose being caressed by a feather.

It can be draining to live life, feeling as if you're all alone.
I know you feel it sometimes, though you try to hide it.
You feel lonely even though you're surrounded by plenty.
I get it, we all do, we're all humans here too.
But what I do want you to know
I take mental health very seriously.
So the minute you feel depressed, or even upset.
Angry, or even annoyed.
Tired, and drained.
Whether it is mentally, physically, or emotionally
I want you to be able to tell me.
I am not one who will leave or be distant with you when times get hard.
I am with you every step of the way, every minute of this cruel life that is being lived by the both of us.
I am here.
Ready to give you all the love I've been hoarding inside of me for years.
I am ready to have you and take care of you in times where you might be in need.
I want you here with me.

Sometimes you act like you know me better than me and you don't.
Many times you push things onto me as if you know me clearly and you don't.
No matter how much you think you know me, about me, and my personality.. you don't.
I'm not clear with you, I'm not transparent with you completely yet and sometimes I don't even want to be.
There's one thing that irks me, and that's anyone thinking that they understand me completely when they're not even close.
I'm not going to tell you how to act, or how to be, that's not my place.
But quit thinking I'm lying all the time and quit believing that everything I tell you isn't true.
It hurts when I feel like I have to prove something to everyone.
But it's ten times worse when I feel that with you.

Every single day you are on my mind
No.. even more than that.. it's like **** near every minute
There's always times where I am wondering what we would be doing if I was with you
How great of a time it would be if we were together all the time.
I reminisce on us before, and I miss it more each day.
I wish that I had spent more time with you and told you my feelings earlier
Rather than waiting till I was gone for a while.
Now every moment we have together in the future will not go to granted
I cannot wait until you're officially mine.
I miss you.

I'm tired of the pain that subjects over my bones and through my blood.
I'm tired of fighting this battle of emotions with myself every single day.
I'm tired of hiding my true emotions, under this sheet of guilt.. just for the satisfaction of others.
I'm tired of constantly having to uplift those around me but when it is me that needs help, there is no one around.
I'm tired of making my own path, and having to figure out this cruel world on my own.
I'm tired of begging for help each and everyday through my words, yet nobody surrounds me.
I'm tired of the pressure being put on myself to save my family.
I'm tired of my emotions being pushed aside by everyone else, exactly how I push them myself.
I'm tired of nobody understanding me, not knowing how to comfort me, but expecting me to adjust to everyone else's needs.
I'm tired of people labeling me.
I'm tired of people doubting me.
I'm tired of people not letting me.. be me.
When will life give me a break..
It seems like the negativity will only seize when I am dead.

Forever is a strong word.
Love is an even stronger word.
But when I picture the times that we've had together so far
The way we met, and the connection we had made since the beginning - first day
The way we were working on your song and ended with cuddling - second day
The way we spent the night together watching movies and taking advantage of each others presence
The way you had asked me to spend the night because you wanted me there - last day before I've missed out on you for months
But since then..
We've collected conversations through the phone
Talked about mutual feelings
Discussed things that we wanted to make sure of
Now we're just waiting to see one another.. only a few more months
Knowing we have many more memories to create
I feel like I'm falling in love with you
I know I reminder you plenty
But just know that when I say that phrase to you
It means a lot to me, but besides that
Just know I mean it, because I don't just say that to anybody.
You're special to me.

I know if I ever was stripped away from everything that I had in my life.. you would still be here for me.
You would help me in many ways and the thought of me having that engraved in my brain.. makes me feel so loved.
There are many people who claim they're here for you
There are many people who claim they're a shoulder
An arm, a leg.. when you might be in need
But when the time really comes
You sit there begging for help and nobody is around.
It's hard living life feeling as if there's no person by your side, and I've been feeling this way for most of my life.
But now I have you -
No matter what I want you to know that I am here for you
I would do just about anything for you, to any extent
I'm not just talking about subtle gifts and words -
I'm here for you the same way you're here for me
Because I care about you
You're mine. Always and forever.

I think the time that I truly felt like you are the one for me at this point in my life was when we had talked about relationships.
Our mutual agreements and discussed disagreements on certain topics was what helped each other become more clear.
The way we talked about how we felt if our significant other had an opposite gender best friend
The way we talked about communication and comprehension
The way we discussed motivation and determination on our passions
Pushing each other further
Being honest and transparent with one another
Spending quality time with one another.
You've taught me patience, prosperity, motivation..
These may seem like such little things but the truth is..
These little things are what builds the whole relationship.
You can't build a house with just straight bricks, you have to have a foundation.
And each conversation we have had about each others feelings and expectations, is a step closer to the foundation.
But just like every owned home.. we must take care of little cracks in the walls such as our disagreements and harsh emotions
We must always cleanse each other and help each other through things the both of us may be going through
But most importantly.. we must be here for one another, physically as well as mentally.
And this is why I feel like you are the perfect person for me.

An ocean breeze
Swishing over the sunset
The sea welcomes me

"You'll be okay"

1. A phrase to minimize the stories told to those battling inner fights, distancing from the tales of being caught in between the pain and negativity.

2. Lies that have resurfaced to the face of the earth, repeated to each other over.. and over.. and over again.

3. The meanings of raw feelings being hidden inside the tombs of depression.. and anxiety.

4. Words that are constantly spoken, to each and every person, becoming desensitized as many more times as it is told.

5. What if everything is not going to be okay, and we all lay around in pools of white lies that we make up our own selves.

6. How hard is it to tell someone that if they do not feel mentally stable, that there are hearts surrounding the circles of heavy thoughts and burdening emotions, sources available to assist one another.

7. These are words spoken to one another in any event, any situation. Just so others can say they had tried to help those that are stuck in their tedious minds, unraveling as the seconds pass by.

8. How those around us only care for the show, and never actually purely from the heart.

9. The cold feeling you get inside of your heart because you are numb to these expressions, a persistent train of thought that lingers in the back of your mind as a weight instead of a benefit.

10. If you speak of the simple term of being "okay" or "fine," then why do you sit in the corner of your room, yelling into the pillows and drowning your tears in tissues every single night?

My imagination has corrupted my perception
The same perception that is undefined and unknown
During the nighttime
My negative thoughts come indoors and push my old memories
Outdoors and when I awaken..
I am lost, I am torn, I am in pain
And that is just my mentality. Fixate on me.
I am someone with depression and altered memory
But through all the pain and despair
I kept the faith within myself and occupation of my mind
And trust me when I say that all is fine..


I guess.

When I cannot say my emotions in words
You look deeply into my eyes
And understand just about everything I might be going through
Though at first it was creepy as hell
It's my favorite thing about you.
You understand me at times when I don't even understand myself
You listen to me at times where my thoughts are clouded
And I jump from one topic to another
You're patient with me
Respectful towards me
Loving to me.
You always tell me
The distance between us at the moment
Is only to make our relationship stronger
And for us to be more grateful with the time that we do have together.

Lastly, I appreciate you beginning to give your heart to me
And trusting me with your pride
I appreciate you as a person
And everything you've brought upon to me.

If I could give you one gift in life,
It would be the ability to experience your identity
Through my eyes.
The way you make me feel, the way I see you
The way I care for you, the way you make me calm.

You are my peace, my soft place in this cruel world.
You are my guiding light, my best friend.
Sometimes I believe that
It was so easy, how I began falling in love with you
It frightens me.
I've never felt this deeply for someone in my past, and I've dated for years before.
I've never wanted anything so much as I want to be in your arms, and in your presence.. especially while I sleep.
I'm afraid that if I do start loving you deeply,
What if we end things?
I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to stop.

I'm guilty.

I'm guilty of not spending as much time with you as I could before I had left.
I'm guilty of hiding from my own self, and my own little fantasies that are made up inside of my head.
I'm guilty of forcing myself not to continue falling in love with you, just because I'm afraid of the outcome.
I'm guilty of sometimes bottling my true emotions not because I don't trust you, but simply because it's something new everyday.
I'm guilty of thinking that I am a burden upon you.
I'm guilty of not being the most comfortable I can be with you, but just that it will take time.
I'm guilty of not hugging you the tightest I could hug before I was gone.
I'm guilty of not being able to see you for months, yet missing you more each day.
I'm guilty of wanting to love you, care for you, spoil you, and trust you.
I'm guilty of wanting to be your girlfriend, and your last one at that.
And lastly, I'm guilty of falling in love with you.

You begin the morning with determination
Push yourself through the day
Accomplish all that is needed
Just so you can end the night with satisfaction.
I know it can get draining..
But I am proud of you.

Time after time its the same despair that rots inside of my mind
It feels like my thoughts control me even though it should be the other way around
Though I hate it.. I constantly fear about every little thing
Worrying about topics that won't matter in five years..
Hell, maybe even a year.
But the thing is..
Though my mind may cause me pain at certain times
It is also my reliever.
I write beautiful poetry and create astounding art..
Just because of my mind and how I think.
My personality and heart are both fragile..
I am sensitive and moody, but it's better than me
Being nonchalant or disrespectful.
So I know it might **** that I overthink so much..
But I'm grateful..
Because that means that me thinking twice about making a decision
Or about a situation that has happened..
Only means that I truly do care about myself
Unlike before.