The world is attempting to cleanse me
But how would that work when
The world is in need of cleansing itself?

Each and every person is in need of improvement
How does anybody look at one another
And have the audacity to make judgements?

We are all in pain, no matter how wealthy you are
No matter the house you live in
No matter who you're surrounded by
We are all healing
Now what kind of world would be in
If we couldn't support one another?

Every time I gaze into your eyes.. I see your beauty
The presence you hold is intimidating, but I see through you
I know the real you.
I vision your kind soul passing your love and guidance along to me
I vision your mistakes causing issues, yet you push yourself through the disturbances
Your adherence to my soul tricks me into thinking you're secretly trying to play me
Maybe because that's how I was treated before
But this is new.. this is strange
I take one step closer, and dive deeper
Fall for your flaws, fall for your presence
I fall for you
My mind wants me to distance
But my heart wants to be intertwined with yours
It's about time I stop letting my thoughts control me
And let my emotions lead the way
I'm going to love you.

Every single day you are on my mind
No.. even more than that.. it's like **** near every minute
There's always times where I am wondering what we would be doing if I was with you
How great of a time it would be if we were together all the time.
I reminisce on us before, and I miss it more each day.
I wish that I had spent more time with you and told you my feelings earlier
Rather than waiting till I was gone for a while.
Now every moment we have together in the future will not go to granted
I cannot wait until you're officially mine.
I miss you.

I'm tired of the pain that subjects over my bones and through my blood.
I'm tired of fighting this battle of emotions with myself every single day.
I'm tired of hiding my true emotions, under this sheet of guilt.. just for the satisfaction of others.
I'm tired of constantly having to uplift those around me but when it is me that needs help, there is no one around.
I'm tired of making my own path, and having to figure out this cruel world on my own.
I'm tired of begging for help each and everyday through my words, yet nobody surrounds me.
I'm tired of the pressure being put on myself to save my family.
I'm tired of my emotions being pushed aside by everyone else, exactly how I push them myself.
I'm tired of nobody understanding me, not knowing how to comfort me, but expecting me to adjust to everyone else's needs.
I'm tired of people labeling me.
I'm tired of people doubting me.
I'm tired of people not letting me.. be me.
When will life give me a break..
It seems like the negativity will only seize when I am dead.

Every day you have this beautiful smile shining upon your face
Though you may be stressed or upset, you still remain smiling

Money is your motivation, but more than that it is your passion
You hear that special calling, and because of that you always stay true

Your music is your dedication, and your devotion is to your fans
To you, music is unique and special, a beautiful gem.

Some days it gets frustrating and demanding
But when you are set forth toward your goal, nobody can stop you.. and I love that about you.

Each day you remind yourself why you work so hard
Making differences in lives through a major platform, you have so much potential

There's a special pride in artists, and a love for what you do
I am appreciative of you, and I want you in my life for the rest of time. I am proud of you.

My thoughts have been reincarnated into the form of a human
Her name is Presley
She is around 5'5, wavy brown hair, piercing big, brown eyes
She had these flaws..where she couldn't help herself
A constant battle it was to maintain her health mentally and physically
I gave her the time of day, stayed with her through the night
It became the suffrage within myself, drowned in negativity
Uplifted by society but backed down by family
Talking to her was like being drained by losing sobriety
With her being the drug, me being addicted to helping her
As time had passed I realized that I was the one in need
And nowhere was she to be found
Presley..
These are my last words to you
I am in need of your guidance, your words, your sympathy
I can't take it anymore
I want to be de-

Presley.

You make my heart warm, my mind clear, my touch soft, and my soul cleansed.
You make my eyes crinkle, my forehead wrinkle, my feet slip, and my body ready.
You make my beauty seem astounding, you make me feel proud, you make me feel safe.
You help me in my time of need, you make my thoughts calm, you give me hope.
You make time for me, you care for me, you're falling for me.. but most importantly, you prove it to me.
Each conversation we have, each text that is sent, each picture that is shown.. you make me feel beautiful.
You make me feel loved, you make me feel like I'm worth a lot.
Yeah I don't need you, but I do definitely want you.
And I want anything and everything that comes with you.
Triple locked in, BULLETPROOF windows, and an open door.. because you are not my prisoner.
I want all of you, especially as mine completely
And you will be.

I cannot even put into words how happy I have been
It's like the dream I've had since I was a child.. I achieved it
I made it, what I wanted to be
An artist
An author
A poet
Many talented traits all in one
And from here on, it only goes up
I will continue to thrive and surround myself in positive environments
Push away those that hurt my heart and made me suffer
I am proud of myself and my accomplishments
But listen here,
I'm not done yet
This is just the beginning.

You begin the morning with determination
Push yourself through the day
Accomplish all that is needed
Just so you can end the night with satisfaction.
I know it can get draining..
But I am proud of you.

My imagination has corrupted my perception
The same perception that is undefined and unknown
During the nighttime
My negative thoughts come indoors and push my old memories
Outdoors and when I awaken..
I am lost, I am torn, I am in pain
And that is just my mentality. Fixate on me.
I am someone with depression and altered memory
But through all the pain and despair
I kept the faith within myself and occupation of my mind
And trust me when I say that all is fine..


I guess.

Talking directly to my own body.

I am coming to you as my new self, with peace.
With love towards you now, that I had never felt in the past.
There are days that I would feel upset, and I apologize for placing my negative thoughts onto you.
I apologize for the time I had spent, carving harsh words deeper into my epidermis until I felt the pain inside of my blood.
I apologize for the amount of times that I had tried to take my own life, and the affliction it must have caused you as well as everyone around me.
I apologize for the times that I would starve myself, just because I was not comfortable with the way I looked.
I apologize for the times that I would look in the mirror with disgust, with hate not only towards you..  but also my own self.
I apologize for treating you as if you weren't mine, as if I could get rid of you.
I apologize for letting men take you, and not pushing hard enough to get away while they were getting their pleasure, without my consent.
I apologize for not seeing the beauty in you, that I see now.
You are beautiful, and you are a part of me.

Time after time its the same despair that rots inside of my mind
It feels like my thoughts control me even though it should be the other way around
Though I hate it.. I constantly fear about every little thing
Worrying about topics that won't matter in five years..
Hell, maybe even a year.
But the thing is..
Though my mind may cause me pain at certain times
It is also my reliever.
I write beautiful poetry and create astounding art..
Just because of my mind and how I think.
My personality and heart are both fragile..
I am sensitive and moody, but it's better than me
Being nonchalant or disrespectful.
So I know it might **** that I overthink so much..
But I'm grateful..
Because that means that me thinking twice about making a decision
Or about a situation that has happened..
Only means that I truly do care about myself
Unlike before.

I'm not going to lie at times I'm an emotional mess.
Thoughts and feelings being pulled out of random parts of my mind
About things I do not even care for as much anymore.
But behind the thorns of myself, there is my beauty, my rose.
I am beautiful, thoughtful.
I am going to be successful, as well as be content with my mental.
No one is going to care for you as much as I do
Actions speak louder than words and when the time comes
It will be proved with my actions but
For now, I am going to be the one who will make you feel comforted
Relieved, distressed, loved.
I am going to be the one who will be fighting for you when it feels like nobody else cares for you.
I am going to be the one who
Who accompanies you, supports you.
I am your biggest fan TJ Mac.
You are my special gem, my feather.
I want you in my life, because you are perfect for me.
Just promise me, that you won't hurt me.

Words can't express how blessed I am
To have someone as beautifully minded
As easily trusted, loving and caring
As you.
Only actions and time will express my true emotions for you
But just know
Through thick and thin, no matter what occurs
I will be here, right by your side
Always.
As your lover.

Take my hand
Hold it tight
and let's travel with each other
Beginning with talking about insecurities
Leading on to ****** fantasies
Past the pain that's been brought upon us
Ending with exploring each others souls
Learning each others minds.
I'm ready to go with you to grow with you
You are my feather, my beauty, my soft place in this painful world
You are my withered peace, and though there may be annoying times
Disagreements and harsh discussions..
I'm ready to go through it all with you.
I'm ready for you.
And I mean all of you

Mother -

Never did I know that today would be your last day to live.
Otherwise I would have put my pride aside and told you
Many things that I have never spoken of before
I wish I had one more day to spend with you -
I need you more than I need myself and now you're gone..
Well at least you're with dad now, where you always wanted to be
Rested in paradise with your lover.
I regret my past actions and hardened emotions towards you
I regret the tender care you provided me, that I always overlooked
I regret the pain that I have caused you, the heartache
But more importantly.. I regret not spending more time with you.
I hope to see you again one day, soon.
Please save a seat for me mom and dad, I love you both
I will make it up to you for the rest of my life
As well as the Hereafter.
You both are in my duas (prayers).

I'm guilty.

I'm guilty of not spending as much time with you as I could before I had left.
I'm guilty of hiding from my own self, and my own little fantasies that are made up inside of my head.
I'm guilty of forcing myself not to continue falling in love with you, just because I'm afraid of the outcome.
I'm guilty of sometimes bottling my true emotions not because I don't trust you, but simply because it's something new everyday.
I'm guilty of thinking that I am a burden upon you.
I'm guilty of not being the most comfortable I can be with you, but just that it will take time.
I'm guilty of not hugging you the tightest I could hug before I was gone.
I'm guilty of not being able to see you for months, yet missing you more each day.
I'm guilty of wanting to love you, care for you, spoil you, and trust you.
I'm guilty of wanting to be your girlfriend, and your last one at that.
And lastly, I'm guilty of falling in love with you.

If I could give you one gift in life,
It would be the ability to experience your identity
Through my eyes.
The way you make me feel, the way I see you
The way I care for you, the way you make me calm.

You are my peace, my soft place in this cruel world.
You are my guiding light, my best friend.
Sometimes I believe that
It was so easy, how I began falling in love with you
It frightens me.
I've never felt this deeply for someone in my past, and I've dated for years before.
I've never wanted anything so much as I want to be in your arms, and in your presence.. especially while I sleep.
I'm afraid that if I do start loving you deeply,
What if we end things?
I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to stop.

Many times I just want to get these thoughts out of my mind
I feel the need of a person who will sit beside my body
Be patient while I try to form thoughts into a storyline
Understand me while I'm understanding myself
But then I remind me
People don't care
They only want you to be okay
Because when you have those suicidal thoughts
The thoughts you acted upon and now you're gone
They want people to think they were here for you
They don't want to feel like the reason
Or that it could be avoided because of them
And that's just society nowadays
People only care for the show not for the heart.

- 01/18/2020

The age of becoming legal
The age where you have become an adult
Congratulations, you're now able to vote.
Wow, you have your own life now.
Parents don't need to be with you anymore
All the help you "had" before is now down the drain
And you are alone.

The age of independency
The age of where you don't need to be attached to anybody
Congratulations, you're grown.
Wow, you don't need those parental figures anymore
Your mentors from the past now assume you'll be just fine
All the years ahead that you are going to suffer
And you are all alone.

Forever is a strong word.
Love is an even stronger word.
But when I picture the times that we've had together so far
The way we met, and the connection we had made since the beginning - first day
The way we were working on your song and ended with cuddling - second day
The way we spent the night together watching movies and taking advantage of each others presence
The way you had asked me to spend the night because you wanted me there - last day before I've missed out on you for months
But since then..
We've collected conversations through the phone
Talked about mutual feelings
Discussed things that we wanted to make sure of
Now we're just waiting to see one another.. only a few more months
Knowing we have many more memories to create
I feel like I'm falling in love with you
I know I reminder you plenty
But just know that when I say that phrase to you
It means a lot to me, but besides that
Just know I mean it, because I don't just say that to anybody.
You're special to me.

Have you ever loved someone?
Grew up with them..got used to their presence
Took things for granted and..
One day they became vanished from your world
As if they were never there to begin with?

& I don't mean a romantic lover..
Someone with the resemblance of faith
I mean someone you would look up to.. like a mentor.
Someone with the visage of joy
My father.

This is my confession.

No matter how deep in darkness I am
No matter how much negativity is placed into my heart
No matter the amount of despair striking my mind.
I will always find enough light to adore you, and love you.
It's in my thoughts that you are not only perfect for me, but that you are mine.
Let's just say, I do a lot of thinking before I hit my bed.
I play scenes over and over inside my head
The day we met, the *** we've had, the way I've felt in your arms
I practice the things I want to say
Being transparent with you, being vulnerable.
I have endless "what ifs"
Such as "what if we don't last" "what if we hurt one another"
But that is all tucked away into this little corner in the back of my mind
I think about how much I miss you
How much I hate being far away from you
I ask myself why do I have a lot of questions.
But most importantly,
I ask myself.. why am I constantly thinking about the past and the future,
But never the present?

Lately there's been something going on with me
More specifically, my body.
Now don't worry, let me see how to word this
Well.. my organs are failing me
My body is collapsing
My time is escaping
And my energy is the representation
My thoughts have been formed
My future has been destroyed
My end is unraveling
And the odd thing is..
I'm ready
..and happy

please don't feel sorry.

Because of you, a girl feels loved daily
Because of you, a girl believes she has potential to get far in life
Because of you, a girl finds herself waking up with smiles each day
Because of you, a girl feels worthwhile
Because of you, a girl learns to love and be expressive, rather than hide her inner emotions
Because of you, a girl learns to have patience, but also to not be lazy
To understand the value of work
Because of you, I remain persistent even when things get rough
Because of you, I find comfort in loving arms, especially yours.
You are my person
And you made my life a whole lot better

My personality undershadows my deen, my beliefs
And that's when I figured that all is forgiven and that I am unshaken
I am giving my poetry my all, I'm being vulnerable
Something that not only am I not comfortable with
But not in favor of
I don't even feel like my body is controlling me
Like I'm some sort of doll
Getting tossed around to meet high expectations
Of individuals I do not care for
Of distance I didn't request for
Of advice I didn't beg for
I need things given to me because I'm simply afraid to ask
I am in pain and reign
Only needing to be tamed
And to be put out of my fame
I don't want anyone to know me..
I want to remain a mystique in reality
My individuality has torn me down systematically
Or maybe I am mistaken
Because this is my time.

An ocean breeze
Swishing over the sunset
The sea welcomes me

I know if I ever was stripped away from everything that I had in my life.. you would still be here for me.
You would help me in many ways and the thought of me having that engraved in my brain.. makes me feel so loved.
There are many people who claim they're here for you
There are many people who claim they're a shoulder
An arm, a leg.. when you might be in need
But when the time really comes
You sit there begging for help and nobody is around.
It's hard living life feeling as if there's no person by your side, and I've been feeling this way for most of my life.
But now I have you -
No matter what I want you to know that I am here for you
I would do just about anything for you, to any extent
I'm not just talking about subtle gifts and words -
I'm here for you the same way you're here for me
Because I care about you
You're mine. Always and forever.

I think the time that I truly felt like you are the one for me at this point in my life was when we had talked about relationships.
Our mutual agreements and discussed disagreements on certain topics was what helped each other become more clear.
The way we talked about how we felt if our significant other had an opposite gender best friend
The way we talked about communication and comprehension
The way we discussed motivation and determination on our passions
Pushing each other further
Being honest and transparent with one another
Spending quality time with one another.
You've taught me patience, prosperity, motivation..
These may seem like such little things but the truth is..
These little things are what builds the whole relationship.
You can't build a house with just straight bricks, you have to have a foundation.
And each conversation we have had about each others feelings and expectations, is a step closer to the foundation.
But just like every owned home.. we must take care of little cracks in the walls such as our disagreements and harsh emotions
We must always cleanse each other and help each other through things the both of us may be going through
But most importantly.. we must be here for one another, physically as well as mentally.
And this is why I feel like you are the perfect person for me.

Every single day you remind me what it feels like to be loved
To be cared for
To be understood.
Sometimes I get afraid that I will hurt you, completely annoy you, disregard you
I get more worried about this rather than the other way around.
I become afraid that one day you'll be tired of my **** and walk up, and leave me.
To this day, I don't know why you waited for me.. for MONTHS.
We had only started talking for some time, barely even a month
And yet you still felt I was close to heart enough to wait for.
I don't even know how you tolerate me half the time
My emotions are always at an all time high or low
Depending on my mood and situation,
Yet every single day you treat me with the same respect and passion as you normally would.
I've learned a lot from you already, and when August comes, I know I will be completely safe with you.. and around you
I trust you.

Though I may joke around with you
Overthink constantly
Ask you the same questions over and over..
Deep down in my heart I know how you feel about me
Though I might need to hear them every once in a while,
I know I never truly will doubt anything you say
Because it's not only your words, your actions prove my value in your life.
I'm grateful to have you, and I love the way you remind me many times how you feel about me
Any time you may see me getting upset, or overthinking my place in your life..
You re-explain it no matter how annoying it may seem to you.
You really know me a lot better than most people..
& I just want to be with you..
Hold you..
Love on you.
I'm just waiting for you.

"What's at the end of the rainbow?"

Let me give you my response..

At the end of the rainbow is my prosperity.
The happiness I have been yearning for, for years
The pain I have been put through, it's only right to end with joy

At the end of the rainbow is my future
The amount of work I've put in, just to be successful
The traumatic experiences I've gone through, it's only right to end smoothly

At the end of the rainbow is true love
The effort I would give in, that was never reciprocated
The pain these men have caused me, it's only right to be deeply loved by the right man

At the end of the rainbow is the new me
The old me is left behind, stuck in the past
I do not want her nor do I associate with her, it's only right to start over

At the end of the rainbow is everything I have been searching for, for years.. and I'm ready to obtain it all now.

The beauty within blossoms are so majestic
The position lifted when dull and frigid.. falling at the ends of life
How when the sun shines upon, vivid memories of a vibrant red radiate through
How the vines are placed thoroughly against each strain to sustain the grace together.

Growth is the most significant concept.
How from afar the frond is viewed as lovely
But you look closely.. grasp it firmly
You feel the prickles.. and the thorns..
Seeing that directly there is the pain and torture within each leaf.

Roses have numerous meanings
In each and every way they are appealing and irresistible
The petals each depict a part of me.
Beginning with the body, to the mind, following through the soul and ending with the heart.

Every night I lay on my bed, ready to fall asleep
I have conversations with you, about my dreams
Others might think I'm crazy, maybe I'm hallucinating
But I can see you, and I speak to you.

Though you're dead, you're still alive in my dreams
Please stay with me forever, I need you with me always
I miss you more than anything
And when this life comes to an end,
I know you'll be up in the heavens waiting for me
Having a seat with my name on it
Right next to yours, dad.

As time passes by, as the days get longer and my patience falls short
I understand why..
Why I fall for you harder, each and everyday
I am in love with your personality, your actuality
How in difficult times, you promise yourself
To be there for your own self before anybody else
I am in love with your mindset, and the truth stained behind it
How in times where you doubt yourself, and where you might lessen your spirituality..
You choose the path of growth, while taking a step back
To gaze at the bigger picture.
I am in love with the way you pay attention
The way you observe and memorize my daily routines
How you analyze your thoughts and communicate in a respectful manner
How any slight switch of attitude can show you that I'm not okay
Or the way you listen closely to my expressive emotions
How after we're finished making love..
You caress my body with your fingers and bring me closer
These little things TJ, you might think that I don't notice
But in reality, each moment I spend with you I fall harder for you
Just know that I'm always praying for you
Because Lord knows I did not want to be in a relationship before I met you.

Look deeper into his mind
And you'll see that he's in pain
You wonder what you've done
Why he's always distant and reserved
Baby he only treats you as such because he's afraid
He has his guard up and can you blame him?
With the women these days and the way they act
Can you blame him for being aweary and restrained?

Look deeper into her mind
And you'll see that she's in pain
You wonder what you've done
Why she's always agitated and unapproachable
Baby she only treats you as such because she's afraid
She has been through a vast amount of suffrage
With the men these days and the way they act
Can you blame her for being tense and drained?

I'd rather just stay single.

I'm tired of my mind constantly pulling away from you
My heart knows what it wants yet I strain myself
Into this headache of pain and discomfort
I am embedded in between my thoughts and wander if I will ever get past this state
Unconsciously hurting and healing at the same time
Constantly ponder at the thought that
What if you're here to destroy my peace?
Or maybe you're in my life as a blessing..
See that's my problem.. I overthink the future
I am afraid of becoming vulnerable with someone
Just for it to end and us become strangers again..
That's why I pull myself apart from you
I care about you, and I'm beginning to love you
I just don't want to hurt you.

Because I'm very hurt deep inside
I feel as if.. hurting me will reflect back to you
Because that's how I am
I put others before me.

Writing through one of my fears.

I am afraid of the dark.
The loneliness that is attached to it
The pain that is afflicted to my soul when it becomes pitch black
How the mind loses itself and begins to replay thoughts that had been tucked into this deep, tiny corner inside a vessel of my heart
How memories become reoccurring images inside of my brain
I am afraid of the dark
How again..
When the sun becomes the moon..
I lose myself.

Dear Norah,

I mark this paper with words of remorse towards my former self
I write this with pain in my heart, and regret for my past actions
I apologize for the discomfort in my own body
But more importantly.. I apologize for the aching of my soul
I'm sorry for still not becoming the person you had thought I would become by this age
I'm sorry for still suffering mentally..while trying to search for my identity
I'm sorry for not understanding myself to the full extent yet.
There are a lot of things that I'm disheartened about..
But at the same time..
I'm a better person today than I was a few years ago
I'm a more reliant and independent individual
I'm myself, and I am proud of me.
So past Norah, I'm sorry for not being mentally stable enough to handle myself
But I have grown.
And as my parents always told me..
With patience comes progress
With time, I'll thrive.

It can be draining to live life, feeling as if you're all alone.
I know you feel it sometimes, though you try to hide it.
You feel lonely even though you're surrounded by plenty.
I get it, we all do, we're all humans here too.
But what I do want you to know
I take mental health very seriously.
So the minute you feel depressed, or even upset.
Angry, or even annoyed.
Tired, and drained.
Whether it is mentally, physically, or emotionally
I want you to be able to tell me.
I am not one who will leave or be distant with you when times get hard.
I am with you every step of the way, every minute of this cruel life that is being lived by the both of us.
I am here.
Ready to give you all the love I've been hoarding inside of me for years.
I am ready to have you and take care of you in times where you might be in need.
I want you here with me.

Even though we were connected within such little time
And I shouldn't have trusted you so fully
I still did.. I still treated you as my royalty
You went behind my back.. actually
You went behind HER back.. and destroyed my peace of mind
I was doing good before I met you..
I will still always be doing good..
But just know,
You came into my life at a time where I am attained to self-growth
I am cherished in self-love
I could give one less **** about you anymore
It's her I'm worried about.

I dreaded this day for the longest.
Subconsciously the fear of having to live through the tenth of march haunted me for months
It began effecting my grades, my goals, my motivation
Everyday I reminisce on the past
On those I love and care for
How I've taken many things for granted,
And just as quickly as they came..
Those blessings vanished.

Never will I ever not wish you well
Never will I ever not pray for you
Never will I ever do anything that will hurt you
Destroying the peace of my mind
Destroying the peace of my dignity
Destroying the peace of my soul
You are constantly in my prayers
You are the biggest blessing I've ever had
You are the one to teach me everything, the reason for my success
I love you
I miss you
I need you

Sometimes I just wonder why I'm giving you my heart
I wonder how in the hell did this all even start
I wonder how we're together
Yet we're so far apart.
Sometimes I just wonder.
I'm attached to your soul
I'm intrigued by your mindset
I'm in love with your personality
& I'm safe in your arms.
Your presence makes me feel complete, and you are my best friend.
Though I was fine before I met you
I'm even better now that I have you
And I'm ready to see us grow as time passes us.

You have been my biggest supporter and I know you will continue to be
I want to show you how much you mean to me
You are a special human being that has entered my life
And I've noticed since just about the first day
Your arms bring me comfort
Your words bring me reassurance
Your actions bring me joy
Life is so good right now,
Now close your eyes and imagine
Imagine how it is going to be in 6 months
When we'll be together however much we would like
I love being yours
Now imagine when it'll become official
I'm going to keep you happy love
I am going to support you
I'm going to have the same effect on you, as you have on me.

The moment I come back to you, I will be overwhelmed with happiness
The minute I get to feel your touch, I will not let go of you
You will be getting all of me, as you already know by now
Well.. you already have all of me..
But when we see each other again
You will be triple locked in to this house of ours
No windows, no doors.. you're trapped
You're stuck with me
No matter how much I annoy you
No matter what issues we will go through within our relationship
We will solve it together and in private
Because you are for me, and I am for you.
You are not for your friend, and I am not for mine.
So with that being said,
I'm ready to face the joyous moments as well as the difficult times with you
I'm ready to be with you, and love you for as long as life lets us
You have taught me how I should have been treated since the beginning
The respect you have for me is noticed, and I am more than grateful to have you
I'm happy.

For years I have been subconsciously searching for you in other people
For years I have been put through hell by just about everyone I've ever met
For years I have been up and down in these stages of my depression
I was finally at peace before I met you, I was happy with myself.
But you taught me that those other people that I was dealing with weren't right for me
Because though I might've been "happy" with them, after some time I would lose my own self to this so called emotion of love
I am still at peace with you, and it's been some time
My feelings have heightened and I will proudly say that I am in love with you
And if you do not feel the same just yet, know that you are not rushed, and I am here whenever you are
You've watered the seed that was placed deep inside of me, and helped me grow into this beautiful soul that will only keep growing.
You are the feather to my rose and though that might not make sense to you,
To me.. the combination of a feather and a rose would be the least expected of them all
Yet look at us, happy and beautiful
I'm ready for you but most of all
I just want to say thank you, for everything you have done.
It's difficult for your mind to be around someone who has been slowly getting back into depression, yet you're still here.
You're still helping me without hurting yourself
You still push me further each and every day and I am safe to say I wouldn't be as far as I am at the moment if it weren't for you
So thank you. You really are the next biggest blessing of mine and I'm ready to have you.

What's your emergency?
Mine is to take care of myself
To understand myself at all times mentally
To be okay physically
And quit fearing from my own self emotionally.

What's your emergency?
Mine is to take care of myself
Before I try to provide aid to someone else
To help my own self through the toughest times
Instead of acting like I'm just fine for the satisfaction of others

What's your emergency?
Mine is to take care of those around me
And make sure everything is okay with them
Not to let them suffer while I don't know about it
To provide everyone I care for with love
And attachment.

So answer me this..
What's your emergency?

Everyday I wake up and my body is immense pain
Is this a sign?
Am I running out of time?
Or is this just because I don't take care of my health?
Because I have my first meal of the day at 11 pm
Or because I don't go to the doctor when I am in need
Mentally & physically
Maybe it's because of my condition.. or my anemia
Who knows?

When I cannot say my emotions in words
You look deeply into my eyes
And understand just about everything I might be going through
Though at first it was creepy as hell
It's my favorite thing about you.
You understand me at times when I don't even understand myself
You listen to me at times where my thoughts are clouded
And I jump from one topic to another
You're patient with me
Respectful towards me
Loving to me.
You always tell me
The distance between us at the moment
Is only to make our relationship stronger
And for us to be more grateful with the time that we do have together.

Lastly, I appreciate you beginning to give your heart to me
And trusting me with your pride
I appreciate you as a person
And everything you've brought upon to me.