I'm not used to being treated with love, so forgive me if I am unexperienced.

My heart breaks every single time I try to imagine the sound of your voice and I'm not able to.
My eyes begin drowning with tears when I try to remember the way you look, the way I was treated by you.
My body begins to internally collapse when I realize that you were a prominent character in my life, in my story.
My rose began to die, the same day you did.

Time and time again, people disappoint me.
Whether it's friends, boyfriends, even family.
At this point it's something I should be able to just accept and move on, but it's not that easy for me.. I care too much.
Regardless of who comes and goes in my life,
Besides the fact that you're my man, and I will have you as mine for as long as time lets us..
I've also realized that you are someone who is meant to be in my life.
You make me stronger, you pull me through many situations I would be still stuck in if it wasn't for you.
You've blessed me in so many different ways and I can confidently say that I've never experienced that from someone before.
Your advice has caught me from doing the same dumb things that I've done for others in the past.
This is the time where I'm trying to understand my own identity, and you've been a huge part of that.
So maybe this IS my time of new beginnings.
As you've said.. new job, new apartment, new semester, and new boyfriend..

I feel like everyone's little pity party.
People only see me with those low eyes and a string in their heart because my daddy died.
I've said it before and I'll say it again,
Nobody cares until it's time for them to show out in public.
Nobody cares about you until it's too late.
Nobody cares until you're on your deathbed.
Nobody cares until you're up in the sky.
Nobody cares.
And that's the hardest ******* pill to swallow.

i'm typically good with words
i can place them together
to create something similar to when
you wake up at dawn and see the
beautiful different colors all throughout the sky
while standing in the middle
of a dense forest

i'm typically good with words
i've strung plenty together about you
but i'm getting to the point where
the letters slowly disappear from my mind
and suddenly i'm at a loss of words
it's like this lost frame
being snatched away
from my own mind

you've taken my vocabulary
and mixed it all together
stealing loves and hearts
and plenty of thoughts
replaced with nights
and virtual days
thinking what it would be like
to finally be at peace with you again
with your head on my chest
hearing my heart beat

we flirt
all the time
we smile and laugh
but how am i
supposed to know if this
is real?
i feel like i can't control
my emotions as easily.
it's so hard talking to you
everyday and not saying
all the things that i want
you to hear.

i'm too afraid
to tell you
how i really feel

so i'll hide behind
small jokes
and soft phrases

i'm too scared
if i ask you
"do you feel the same
about me?"
your reply will be

"not yet."