You remind me of home, you remind me of my father.
Your personality, your constant motivation, your style.
You remind me of hope, you remind me of all things joyous.
The beauty of the sea and the sky, collided together.
You are the sky, my guiding light. I am the sea, full of storms on the inside, yet beautifully kept together.
Every hug makes me feel instant comfort, it's a need.
I have flown around the world and met no one like you..
Because you are all the things I kept coming back to.

Some people get lost in their heads, some people get lost in their hearts. Some feel so lost to the point where they only find true guidance in paradise. For me, I get lost in you. I get lost in your heart. I get lost in between us. The most confusing part of this relationship is wondering how it will go months.. even years down the line. A part of me wants to worry too much and save myself from pain, and another part wants me to live life to its fullest until time comes to an end. I'm mistaken inside my own head, but I'm also falling astray from yours. I'm lost.

Within the past few months, my eyes have opened.
I finally see the true beauty of nature
I understand what things are meant for me, and what to stay far from
I recognize my talents and push myself to go further, instead of staying surrounded by my comfort
I began to love more, be more open.. work on myself more.
The pandemic did change many things in life but even more than that.. you helped my true inner self be portrayed on the outside.
You guided me to feel safe with my feelings rather than run from them.
You've taught me how to really love someone, but even more than that.. you've shown me how to be treated.
You see, my problem is..
Unhealthy relationships is all that I'm used to, it feels like a small part of me.
You coming in, treating me with care and genuine love, is not what I'm used to.
It's taking time for me to settle within this relationship, but I wouldn't want to grow individually and together with anyone else.
You are not perfect, but you are my perfection.
You bring me feelings I've never felt before, you're like my miracle in human form.
I can't wait to live the start, and the rest of this relationship with you.. I adore you.
But most of all, I appreciate you.

When I feel your touch against my skin, it's instant comfort.
It's as if this specific warmth fills up my heart
My mind is suddenly at ease, my body is full of energy.
I hear your voice and it feels like a soft melody passing through my ears, surrounding my brain.
My mind is full of boxes - boxes filled with the small memories of us.. as well as physical representations of the ways you've made me feel.
My heart.. my heart is at ease, there's this moment of joy passing through my body mixed in with my blood.
I don't understand how you make me feel the way that you do, it's something I've never experienced before.
That may be why I get so anxious, and worried to lose you.. because I don't want to picture the rest of my life without you.
I've said it before and I'll say it again..
My love for you is a portrayal of how you treat me.. nothing more.
& That is why I'm falling deep.

The rain hits the ground and thunder starts to crackle.. reminding me of the sound of a knife inching deeper into my skin.
The sky is the color of my face when I hold my breath to try to make myself suffer for my behavior.
All of the sudden the electricity begins to turn on and off, mocking the misery of this world in my face.
The feeling of raindrops pelting across my skin, only a few shades lighter than my fragile parts after each bruise he gave me.
The paranoia that comes with every human instinct, only intensified.
The worries of the future, the self-hatred..the sensitivity of my heart as another person steps on it one more time.
I grew up with a fascination of this world and what it has the offer.. but now I've entered the age of fascination with death.
My heart begins beating faster than ever before, my skin is turning a darkish blue, my words are no longer coming out of my mouth, my breath is stuck deep inside my diaphragm, my mind is circling around and next thing you know..
7 minutes of my past life are flashing by and at this time it is way too late..
I'm entering the world of paradise.. and hopefully I find some sort of comfort here.

I  often feel neglected.
My heart is too good for this world, I'm too kind, too caring.
Everyone wants to be nonchalant.
People would rather hurt others before they get hurt themselves.. like some sort of competition.
I often feel hated,
Why does it seem like everyone is against me?
It must be myself that's the problem.
All these people have their own close friends.. healthy relationships..
While I'm sitting here.. 19 years old.. wanting to end myself.
It feels like I'm losing my best friend.. which I am.
It feels like everyone around me is dying.. which they are.
It feels like I'm not capable of love.. I doubt myself.
I keep things inside. I'm too worried about the future. I'm too sensitive. I'm too moody.
And the worst part of it all.. it seems like it's my fault..
All.
The.
Time.

You've never been hesitant in helping me in my time of need, and sharing your wisdom. You've always allowed me to operate in my manner of comfort, yet you also push me further.. out of my zone. You've believed in me when it felt like the whole world was against me. You reminded me that I have potential, that I am fierce.. in those times where I would doubt myself and what I have to offer. You've been my light, my guiding candle through this tunnel of darkness. You've stuck with me every single day.. making sure that I was okay, giving me advice when I need it, listening to me.. which is more special to me than the rest. You listen. I know sometimes I can be petty, and stubborn. I know sometimes I say I'm okay when I'm not. I know sometimes I get upset at things that don't even make sense, I'm very emotional.. and that's okay. I'm still learning you the same way you're learning me. I just want to thank you for staying with me, beside me.. every single day. You are cared for, you are appreciated, and you are loved.