Trust is a beautiful thing when earned.
It is not given not is it easy to give.
Traumatic experiences from past years cause the both of us to doubt one another..
To be afraid and keep the wall guarded high between each other.
But I just want to tell you -
That this is something that we will get through together..
I understand I need to earn your trust and I am completely okay with that because I want you in my life.. as mine.
I want every part of you.. from your mind to your ***.
From your heart to your soul.
And my actions as well as my words will be the proof.
Same for me.. though you don't necessarily try too hard,
My trust is becoming open with you
Each day I get to becoming more transparent towards you
One day, you'll see through me completely clearly.
I'm learning to trust you, and get comfortable with you
And I know you are doing the same..
We're doing this together and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Though I may joke around with you
Overthink constantly
Ask you the same questions over and over..
Deep down in my heart I know how you feel about me
Though I might need to hear them every once in a while,
I know I never truly will doubt anything you say
Because it's not only your words, your actions prove my value in your life.
I'm grateful to have you, and I love the way you remind me many times how you feel about me
Any time you may see me getting upset, or overthinking my place in your life..
You re-explain it no matter how annoying it may seem to you.
You really know me a lot better than most people..
& I just want to be with you..
Hold you..
Love on you.
I'm just waiting for you.

Time after time its the same despair that rots inside of my mind
It feels like my thoughts control me even though it should be the other way around
Though I hate it.. I constantly fear about every little thing
Worrying about topics that won't matter in five years..
Hell, maybe even a year.
But the thing is..
Though my mind may cause me pain at certain times
It is also my reliever.
I write beautiful poetry and create astounding art..
Just because of my mind and how I think.
My personality and heart are both fragile..
I am sensitive and moody, but it's better than me
Being nonchalant or disrespectful.
So I know it might **** that I overthink so much..
But I'm grateful..
Because that means that me thinking twice about making a decision
Or about a situation that has happened..
Only means that I truly do care about myself
Unlike before.

For years I've put my emotions to the side for the sake of my mother.
For years I've dealt with the annoyance, the disrespect, the pain that you've caused me.
For years I've put you and your feelings over my own, just because I know you've been through a lot.
But let me make it clear with you.. you took advantage of me and my kindness.
Just because you have been through pain since early on in this life doesn't mean you get to disrespect everyone around you.
Your ego is extremely high and you believe that everyone is beneath you.
Not to mention, you brought your wife into this home.. let her think that she has authority over all of us.. as if we even need either of you
Well heads up, nobody owes you anything.
I cannot wait until the both of you move out of this home
Because if it's not you two soon, it's definitely going to be me.
I'm beginning to put myself over others for the first time now
And I could care less about my absence causing pain on anyone
Because none of you were appreciated with my presence.
Just because I was born and raised near you
Just because we have the same parents
Just because we may share the same blood,
Doesn't make you my brother.
You've caused me a great deal of pain, more sadness than anybody in my life has.. and trust me when I say that means way too much
Considering I've been through countless adversities and traumatic moments with others.. more than you can imagine.
You're the reason I've attempted suicide many times.. and the reason I used to go deeper with my cuts towards my own skin.
I've hidden these words in the back of my heart for years but you have passed my line of tolerated disrespect.
You've lost me not only as a sister,
But as someone who used to care for you.
Now wake up before you lose everyone else too.

It can be draining to live life, feeling as if you're all alone.
I know you feel it sometimes, though you try to hide it.
You feel lonely even though you're surrounded by plenty.
I get it, we all do, we're all humans here too.
But what I do want you to know
I take mental health very seriously.
So the minute you feel depressed, or even upset.
Angry, or even annoyed.
Tired, and drained.
Whether it is mentally, physically, or emotionally
I want you to be able to tell me.
I am not one who will leave or be distant with you when times get hard.
I am with you every step of the way, every minute of this cruel life that is being lived by the both of us.
I am here.
Ready to give you all the love I've been hoarding inside of me for years.
I am ready to have you and take care of you in times where you might be in need.
I want you here with me.

I'm not going to lie at times I'm an emotional mess.
Thoughts and feelings being pulled out of random parts of my mind
About things I do not even care for as much anymore.
But behind the thorns of myself, there is my beauty, my rose.
I am beautiful, thoughtful.
I am going to be successful, as well as be content with my mental.
No one is going to care for you as much as I do
Actions speak louder than words and when the time comes
It will be proved with my actions but
For now, I am going to be the one who will make you feel comforted
Relieved, distressed, loved.
I am going to be the one who will be fighting for you when it feels like nobody else cares for you.
I am going to be the one who
Who accompanies you, supports you.
I am your biggest fan TJ Mac.
You are my special gem, my feather.
I want you in my life, because you are perfect for me.
Just promise me, that you won't hurt me.

You read me, you read through me.
Sometimes I want to say that you don't understand me but
The truth is, that you do.
You understand me more than anyone else in my life has.
And it's only been two months.
You try for me.
You acknowledge my emotions.. my behavior.
You recognize my tone.. my style.
You appreciate my actions.. my words.
You read me, you read through me.
Sometimes I want to say that you don't care for my feelings but
The truth is, that you do.
You ask me what is wrong anytime I am acting different
You know how I am, what I'm feeling, and probably even my thoughts.
You prove it each and everyday.
And it's only been two months.
I know I say this all the time but
I don't know what I did to deserve you in my life, as mine.
It could be all the pain that I was dragged through, all the emotions I had pushed aside for the sake of others
It could be all the times that I was beaten and drained mentally by my peers.
Even though that may seem like a lot, if that was all that it took to have someone like you in my life as mine.. I would go through it all over again for you.