You begin the morning with determination
Push yourself through the day
Accomplish all that is needed
Just so you can end the night with satisfaction.
I know it can get draining..
But I am proud of you.

When you realize that your only limitation is your imagination..
You become more capable of pushing yourself further
Taking the path that is the best for you and your future
With time you find, that it was the best **** realization you've ever made.

I'm tired of the pain that subjects over my bones and through my blood.
I'm tired of fighting this battle of emotions with myself every single day.
I'm tired of hiding my true emotions, under this sheet of guilt.. just for the satisfaction of others.
I'm tired of constantly having to uplift those around me but when it is me that needs help, there is no one around.
I'm tired of making my own path, and having to figure out this cruel world on my own.
I'm tired of begging for help each and everyday through my words, yet nobody surrounds me.
I'm tired of the pressure being put on myself to save my family.
I'm tired of my emotions being pushed aside by everyone else, exactly how I push them myself.
I'm tired of nobody understanding me, not knowing how to comfort me, but expecting me to adjust to everyone else's needs.
I'm tired of people labeling me.
I'm tired of people doubting me.
I'm tired of people not letting me.. be me.
When will life give me a break..
It seems like the negativity will only seize when I am dead.

You make my heart warm, my mind clear, my touch soft, and my soul cleansed.
You make my eyes crinkle, my forehead wrinkle, my feet slip, and my body ready.
You make my beauty seem astounding, you make me feel proud, you make me feel safe.
You help me in my time of need, you make my thoughts calm, you give me hope.
You make time for me, you care for me, you're falling for me.. but most importantly, you prove it to me.
Each conversation we have, each text that is sent, each picture that is shown.. you make me feel beautiful.
You make me feel loved, you make me feel like I'm worth a lot.
Yeah I don't need you, but I do definitely want you.
And I want anything and everything that comes with you.
Triple locked in, BULLETPROOF windows, and an open door.. because you are not my prisoner.
I want all of you, especially as mine completely
And you will be.

I'm guilty.

I'm guilty of not spending as much time with you as I could before I had left.
I'm guilty of hiding from my own self, and my own little fantasies that are made up inside of my head.
I'm guilty of forcing myself not to continue falling in love with you, just because I'm afraid of the outcome.
I'm guilty of sometimes bottling my true emotions not because I don't trust you, but simply because it's something new everyday.
I'm guilty of thinking that I am a burden upon you.
I'm guilty of not being the most comfortable I can be with you, but just that it will take time.
I'm guilty of not hugging you the tightest I could hug before I was gone.
I'm guilty of not being able to see you for months, yet missing you more each day.
I'm guilty of wanting to love you, care for you, spoil you, and trust you.
I'm guilty of wanting to be your girlfriend, and your last one at that.
And lastly, I'm guilty of falling in love with you.

Most times it is so difficult to try and understand myself
I feel like my mind is so complicated and my thoughts are complex
You enter my brain and you're stuck in this realm that is too difficult to escape
Time after time I continuously stop myself from thinking too much
Quit making up scenarios in my head
Quit revising old memories
Keep my past life from re-entering my mind negatively

I'm tired of being in this battle with myself daily
It's like time after time I burden my own self
How is that even possible?
Though you may already know..
The reason I am telling you this
Is because if you want to be with me
And if you want me..
Then you will also be stuck with this part of me.
Though I push myself further mentally everyday..
I still have this flaw of me overthinking the tiniest details
And bringing them up or keeping them quiet.
I am working on it, I promise you.
Just be patient.

Sometimes I get nervous around you
I don't know why - maybe it's because I'm still getting used to you
The thought of things unfolding just as fast as we got together still scares me
I'm still learning to get comfortable to you, and us.
And I'm not saying it's going to take too long, but it will take some time
So don't doubt me when I say that there are things that I want to do
Or things I want to try with you
The moment I get completely and fully comfortable with the concept of us and being together with someone again
You'll see, and you'll understand that the way I act now,
It's because I'm still getting to know you, and getting to understand you
It will take me some time
Just be patient.