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nsw May 2020
When I cannot say my emotions in words
You look deeply into my eyes
And understand just about everything I might be going through
Though at first it was creepy as hell
It's my favorite thing about you.
You understand me at times when I don't even understand myself
You listen to me at times where my thoughts are clouded
And I jump from one topic to another
You're patient with me
Respectful towards me
Loving to me.
You always tell me
The distance between us at the moment
Is only to make our relationship stronger
And for us to be more grateful with the time that we do have together.

Lastly, I appreciate you beginning to give your heart to me
And trusting me with your pride
I appreciate you as a person
And everything you've brought upon to me.
nsw May 2020
You make me calm when I'm angry
Make me joyous when I'm upset
Make me laugh when I want to cry
The moment you stepped foot into my life
It felt as if everything had just flipped upside down
You believed in me
And supported me when no one else did
Pushed me further when no one else did
When I'm with you it feels like time flies so fast
Yet when we're apart, time goes by painfully slow.
My favorite that you've taught me
Whether you realized it or not..
Is that I don't need you, but I do want you.
I'm good without you, and I will always be..
But you coming into my life was a blessing.
nsw May 2020
If I could go back in time today,
To the day we met
I wouldn't change a single thing.
Everything was so perfectly planned
Emotions began to form quickly, yet at the same pace
And to this day,
Two months later,
We're good.
Though if I could go back in time today,
Way before we met
I would tell myself
That someone perfect for you, is coming
And to stop fw these lame men
Who don't care for you
And wait for you to get a real one.
If I could go back in time today,
To the last time I saw you
I would hug you a little bit tighter
I miss you more and more each day.
nsw May 2020
It seems like..
Every morning when I awaken, you're right there.. running through my head.
Any time I'm working on something, I begin to wander, how would it be if you were here beside me?
I don't know why I can't stop thinking about you all the time
It's like those dark memories from my past were snatched and replaced with joyous thoughts
The brutal scenes that would constantly repeat over and over, have been replaced with snippets of the times we've spent together
I am far away from solitude, and for once it feels nice.
My mind feels as if it is at peace.

No matter how far, nor how long it takes for us to see each other
I can promise you one thing - my love is yours.
I am here waiting for us to reunite and begin life as normal.
I'm drawn to you in many different ways.
&This is why God brought us together
This is not a coincidence.. it's a sign.
Not only are you my best friend
But you are my partner
My mentor
My anchor
My blessing.
For once..
Reality is finally better than my dreams..
nsw May 2020
Today made me realize.. to be a woman is one of the most difficult challenges we are constantly thrown back into
The amount of pain that we go through.. the men that cross our paths
How I am afraid of some of these boys that walk right beside us
Act as if they are our friends, care for us
Yet the minute we stand alone.. all morals become forgotten.
I know how difficult it must be, to be someone in your position
To hear something so heartbreaking and cold, especially about someone you care for deeply.
I just want to let you know, that I am in the process of healing
I am still trying to find my voice, and myself.
I try to forget about her and everything tied to her, my old self.
But it is harder than anyone can imagine
Those memories of what people have done to me repetitively
Destroyed my trust, crushed my heart
I'm surprised I even let you in.
But I'm thankful.
Each day for me is a struggle, I am still learning to get past all the traumatic experiences in my life
I want to thank you for being such a great man to me
But most importantly,
To be a great man with morals.
Sad to say, but there really aren't many like you.
nsw May 2020
Writing through one of my fears.

I am afraid of the dark.
The loneliness that is attached to it
The pain that is afflicted to my soul when it becomes pitch black
How the mind loses itself and begins to replay thoughts that had been tucked into this deep, tiny corner inside a vessel of my heart
How memories become reoccurring images inside of my brain
I am afraid of the dark
How again..
When the sun becomes the moon..
I lose myself.
nsw Apr 2020
This is my confession.

No matter how deep in darkness I am
No matter how much negativity is placed into my heart
No matter the amount of despair striking my mind.
I will always find enough light to adore you, and love you.
It's in my thoughts that you are not only perfect for me, but that you are mine.
Let's just say, I do a lot of thinking before I hit my bed.
I play scenes over and over inside my head
The day we met, the *** we've had, the way I've felt in your arms
I practice the things I want to say
Being transparent with you, being vulnerable.
I have endless "what ifs"
Such as "what if we don't last" "what if we hurt one another"
But that is all tucked away into this little corner in the back of my mind
I think about how much I miss you
How much I hate being far away from you
I ask myself why do I have a lot of questions.
But most importantly,
I ask myself.. why am I constantly thinking about the past and the future,
But never the present?
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