An apology that I will never receive, but I wish I did.

This goes for many people..
The family members I had grown with who abused me mentally
The boys who thought it was okay to touch me, take me without my consent
The men that were in my past that would abuse me, manipulate me
Myself.. for hating me.

My mother would always call me a burden, a pain in the ***
The reason my father passed
Because I caused him too much stress
My brothers would beat me mentally over small issues, any instances where I hadn't fallen into their path

The boys that treated me so brutally
Beating me, ****** me, leaving me
The boys who thought it was just fine to get hard
While I'm suffering and hurting
While I was stuck in pain, trying to escape

The men that would fake attempt suicide, just to **** up with me another time
A fourth time.. a fifth time.. sixth time..
The men that would constantly push me further and further towards the edge
Yet when I was about to leave, they'd regret their actions and pull me back to them

Myself.. for my putting my own self into situations that would only cause me more pain
Myself.. for hurting my own self and disregarding my own emotions just for the satisfaction of others
Myself.. for not knowing my worth and disrespecting my own self by going back to everything that hurt me
Myself.. for not being there for me.

There's a stream that is flowing through my heart
With your blood running through instead of mine
And I don't mean this in a dependent way
I mean this in a way.. where.. you made life a whole lot better for me.

There's a stream that is flowing through my brain
With thoughts of you constantly running through
And I don't mean this in an odd manner
I mean.. where you're always on my mind, because you're mine.

There's a stream that is flowing through my soul
With your actions attached and running through
The way that you treat me is engraved into my body
Engraved to my soul.

From now on, whether we're together in the future or not,
I know how a man should treat me, and you've shown me that
You are an actual work of art
And I'm auctioning a part myself to you

I hope that you are mine for the rest of our lives
I was complete before I met you,
But you have filled my life with color
And to go on without you, would just be black and white
With shades of grey.

It's because we're so alike, like twin souls
Together in the past life, reunited in this one
You will carry my heart one day, and I trust you
Anytime I'm with you, I'm home.

The things I have left behind, are the characteristics of my past self
The toxicity, the pain, the anger
The rage that was constantly staked into my heart
The despair of the baggage I had left upon my peers
The hate I had in my heart for my own self.
I never knew how terrible things were until I got to a better state mentally
So as soon as I was able to, I left my past self behind
And I grew into this new girl
With love in her heart towards everyone surrounding her
And even better..
Love for her own self.
The hate and anger was replaced by positivity and joy.

I remember the first time we had met.
The first time we laid eyes on each other as you were on the way to my home
How I had felt so nervous, but excited
I remember I didn't want more than a small fling
Couple of pleasure runs then we're both on our way to a different path
..Well that was before

When you came, sitting right in front of me
Talking about all sorts of creative topics that we were both passionate about
Music, poetry, art, trauma, etc.
It felt as if I've told you before
It felt.. natural
Normally I don't express any vulnerability but with you..it was like I was calling home.
Later that night, we had gotten our pleasure and you spent the night
Even then, it felt beautiful, and I was safe in your arms.

In the morning I had awaken to you getting out of the bed, and you took a shower in my home
Something so simple yet.. it felt natural.. like home.
I remember the vision of you in the shower while I was brushing my teeth and how we were so comfortable with one another, just after the first day we had met.
You had waited for me to get ready, so we could both leave around the same time
And I knew you were special.

From that day on, I knew you were the person I wanted
Though I hesitated, I was catching feelings for you more and more as we kept spending time together
Just being in your presence made me instantly joyous.
I wish we could relive that day all over again, but I'm more than excited for the future.
You are my person.

I cannot even put into words how happy I have been
It's like the dream I've had since I was a child.. I achieved it
I made it, what I wanted to be
An artist
An author
A poet
Many talented traits all in one
And from here on, it only goes up
I will continue to thrive and surround myself in positive environments
Push away those that hurt my heart and made me suffer
I am proud of myself and my accomplishments
But listen here,
I'm not done yet
This is just the beginning.

You have been my biggest supporter and I know you will continue to be
I want to show you how much you mean to me
You are a special human being that has entered my life
And I've noticed since just about the first day
Your arms bring me comfort
Your words bring me reassurance
Your actions bring me joy
Life is so good right now,
Now close your eyes and imagine
Imagine how it is going to be in 6 months
When we'll be together however much we would like
I love being yours
Now imagine when it'll become official
I'm going to keep you happy love
I am going to support you
I'm going to have the same effect on you, as you have on me.

My work is now published and being sold
I couldn't be more ecstatic
Buy it if you'd like
"Scarlet Rose and Growth" on Amazon