I am so afraid of messing up with you
I feel like one wrong step could drop everything between us
I am scared of pain, of getting hurt
Yet over the month and a half that we have been getting to know one another
That fear is slowly fading away, and my wall towards you has been broken down completely
Though I still have small instances here and there
Where I constantly worry about the wrong things
Rather than listen to your words of reassurance
I am glad that you understand me, because you **** near read me
I am blessed to have someone that I can actually trust with just about anything
And though I may still doubt myself, your words of reassurance is what catches me
You are my biggest supporter, and I am yours.
I am so proud of you TJ.

Today was the day I got the first official copy of my book
I'm overjoyed and in denial
The thoughts I have thrown onto paper
The years I've spent in misery and pain
All is in this one book, that is now about to be published.
I am in joy but I am more nervous
Why am I afraid of vulnerability when
My pain, my hurt could be treasure to heal
The way I lay my words, and understand my own emotions
I know others will like this book
I am more than excited for it to be on sale..
Scarlet Rose & Growth

I often sit and wonder
How it happened...you and I
We could have stayed as strangers,
As people with no intentions in becoming together
But something sparked in between us
A connection was brought to our attention
And it happened...you and I.
Whenever we are together.. I feel like I am at peace
It feels as if, I found my home.
You are my person.
You have been the man that I have been dreaming of, anytime I thought about love
I found you, in an unusual way
But I found you.
Those love poems I used to drain my heart into,
You are the person they were about, even though I hadn't even known you at the time
Subconsciously I never knew that it would come to me this quickly, and happily.
Each time I tell you how blessed I am to have you it never seems like enough, and that's only because you truly are one of the biggest blessings I've had in a while, and I will treat you as such.
Don't ever doubt how much I care for you, and most importantly, how much I truly want you.
I will always go as far as I need to, just to show you.
You're a dream come true.

A day I wouldn't mind reliving, would be each consecutive weekend I would spend solely with my father
How each Saturday we would go watch the sunset and eat dinner at our favorite restaurants
How each Sunday would be our day where we would wake up early, and watch the sunrise together
Every single day that I had spent with my father, would be another day I want to relive
Every day that I've lived without, and continue to live without, is another day I want to dismiss.

Sometimes I lose faith in myself, and I easily begin to hate myself
Other times I believe deeply in my success, and I love myself
You always wonder why I constantly ask for your reassurance
Instead of waiting for you to provide it to me.
Well the truth is, my whole life I was never given these words
I've always had to ask for them, beg for them
I was never given a true "I'm proud"
Or a true "I love you"
It was always just a slap on the thigh to shut me up
Because no one has ever really appreciated me
So to those who give attention to me,
I need their words, I need their attention
I fall for reassurance, I fall for your words and your passion
It hurts me each time I feel proud of myself,
Yet no one around me is
For my whole life I was waiting for the approval of others to feel a way about myself
Yet you've showed me different.
You've showed me to be proud of myself regardless of whoever thinks,
And I just want to let you know that I'm still working on it.
I'm still trying to improve myself day by day.
I promise you I'm trying.

I write this with pain in my heart and my voice caught in my throat.
I often wonder why I never stand up for myself, why am I constantly pushed around?
By lovers, by family, by friends.
Am I the issue? I couldn't be.. I give my heart to everyone I meet
So maybe that's the problem.. I'm too kind
I'm too giving.. I'm too caring.
Why don't I put myself over others for once?
Why do I continously put myself into positions where I grieve over people who don't even think of me?
People who have never checked up on me, who don't care for me.
Why am I so kind and loving to the wrong people, yet afraid and nonchalant with those I should be treating with love?
I don't understand me, I don't understand why I do what I do
Why I am the way that I am
I wish that I was less loving to others, and there for myself more
Each day that passes, that I'm in this environment
Stuck with people who only care about me for the show of the community, rather than their own hearts
I feel like I am losing myself more and more
I feel like a disappointment, I feel like a burden
I feel like I'm in pain, I feel like I'm hurting
Sometimes I just feel that I could end it all
Be reunited with the only human that has ever loved me correctly,
My father. Of course he's dead though right.

For years I have been subconsciously searching for you in other people
For years I have been put through hell by just about everyone I've ever met
For years I have been up and down in these stages of my depression
I was finally at peace before I met you, I was happy with myself.
But you taught me that those other people that I was dealing with weren't right for me
Because though I might've been "happy" with them, after some time I would lose my own self to this so called emotion of love
I am still at peace with you, and it's been some time
My feelings have heightened and I will proudly say that I am in love with you
And if you do not feel the same just yet, know that you are not rushed, and I am here whenever you are
You've watered the seed that was placed deep inside of me, and helped me grow into this beautiful soul that will only keep growing.
You are the feather to my rose and though that might not make sense to you,
To me.. the combination of a feather and a rose would be the least expected of them all
Yet look at us, happy and beautiful
I'm ready for you but most of all
I just want to say thank you, for everything you have done.
It's difficult for your mind to be around someone who has been slowly getting back into depression, yet you're still here.
You're still helping me without hurting yourself
You still push me further each and every day and I am safe to say I wouldn't be as far as I am at the moment if it weren't for you
So thank you. You really are the next biggest blessing of mine and I'm ready to have you.