Have you ever loved someone?
Grew up with them..got used to their presence
Took things for granted and..
One day they became vanished from your world
As if they were never there to begin with?

& I don't mean a romantic lover..
Someone with the resemblance of faith
I mean someone you would look up to.. like a mentor.
Someone with the visage of joy
My father.

Never will I ever not wish you well
Never will I ever not pray for you
Never will I ever do anything that will hurt you
Destroying the peace of my mind
Destroying the peace of my dignity
Destroying the peace of my soul
You are constantly in my prayers
You are the biggest blessing I've ever had
You are the one to teach me everything, the reason for my success
I love you
I miss you
I need you

Living every single day without you is a drag
I constantly have to force myself to be social
Because that's what you would have wanted
You would want me to be okay, and to thrive
Every single day I sit here and pray
Pray for our wellbeing, pray for you, pray for me
But how am I supposed to do so..
When my mentor was the one to teach me?
You were there for not even half of my story.. 12 years.
Which I'm grateful for but.. I need you.
Every single day I cry my tears and stray away from my faith
I need my mentor
I need my bestfriend
I need my father.

Every night I lay on my bed, ready to fall asleep
I have conversations with you, about my dreams
Others might think I'm crazy, maybe I'm hallucinating
But I can see you, and I speak to you.

Though you're dead, you're still alive in my dreams
Please stay with me forever, I need you with me always
I miss you more than anything
And when this life comes to an end,
I know you'll be up in the heavens waiting for me
Having a seat with my name on it
Right next to yours, dad.

I have some questions for you -

How would you feel if I did the same **** to you?
How would you feel if I destroyed your peace and left you?
How would you feel if I wasted not only your time, but your energy just with my presence?

When you're ready to give me a response for the deeds you've done, I'm right here willing to listen

Because after all..
I'm still praying for your well-being.

Love scares me
What's the point of it? The concept?
You love someone just for them to end up dead..
Or for them to leave you
Acting each day as if you were nothing for them

Or how about people putting on a show, acting like they care for your well-being
But all along, they just want to take your body
They want to destroy your peace just to use you
And the worst part of it all is..
Nobody understands.. because it's seen as a normality.
Toxic.

I departed from my depression
I gaze at the world with an altered perspective
The sky is so blue.. the trees reflecting a vibrant green
The dark, beautiful red roses blossoming
The children playing amongst their friends
The beauty of little things
And the blessings given to me in this life
The sun is shining..
And at night when the moon rises.. I see the beauty
The charm of darkness not being embedded in between my feelings
This is the time where I realize
That I am not my emotions
I accept me, and I'm in love.