The only thing in between me and this degree,
Is the tears, the diligence, the frustration.
But then I envision the future
While reminiscing about the past..
Would it really be so shallow,  day by day..
If I ceased and made today be my last?
Or should I continue to pursue.. and become viable to the economy
Sometimes it feels like a challenge of eternity
But obtaining energy to make it to the end..
Is the accomplishment of a lifetime.
I'm proud of me, and I hope you are too.

I feel.. free.
Freedom that is abnormal and feels odd
This is an unknown reality to me
I am discerned yet joyous
I am moving past this destructive catastrophe

You want me to suffer, and you want me in pain
But.. you see..
I'm back to being me
I missed her and now I am she
You can sit here and disagree
Say that you had a bigger impact
That I'm still not let free

Deep down though..
We both know..
Even if you don't, I still adore me.

It is now 12 am
I used to be asleep by 9..maybe 10.
Lately my thoughts have clouded my mind
My emotions have puzzled my body
I began to sleep throughout the day
Write poems and suffer through tears throughout the night
I don't feel like myself..
Maybe it's just a temporary suspicion
I reminisce and realize that..
I have been searching for her.. she is lost
I look both sides and beg you to please help me.
I lost me.

My tears spell 'goodnight'
My heart is aching in pain
My mind says "I can't rest"

I guess it's just a matter of time
But also when I'm ready

Four is the number of death
My father passed on the fourth hour
In the year of 2014
The third month and the tenth day
His six years is creeping through
Waiting to open the door and haunt me for months
Specifically about four
Because I recall the fourth anniversary
Being the day of my death
I haven't felt alive since.
I promise you
Four is the number of death.

It is 11:43 pm and I feel exhausted
I have not done anything throughout the whole day
Maybe it's the depression
I feel as if I have these weights placed onto my chest
And each night when I hit my bed they begin to get removed
Each morning they are replaced cyclically
I need to get out of this state
It's like I'm confined into this mentality
My thoughts have become clouds and my words have become swords
My brain is suffering systematically
My communication has caught ropes and my energy has been strapped its peace

It is 11:43 pm and I feel exhausted
But I have not done anything all day
Maybe it's the depression.

Life works in amusing ways
How the rich get more aid than the poor
How the boys are told to "man up"
The girls being ordered to "stand down"
How the women can't suffice with their own independency
Men not being able to cope with traumatic emotions
Soon it becomes an addictive normality
You gaze and begin to wander
Will you become what is expected of you?
Or will you put yourself to an elevated standard
Suffer the consequences now only to alter the system later

We can't let humanity define us.