Introverted
Do you know how it feels to be all alone
There are times
Where my mother pushes me to go out
And make more friends
But how am I supposed to follow her advice
When she's the same as me?
As a team, we aid each other into branching out
There are times where I force her to attend social events
And she tells me to join groups
Over time, we both began to take advice
My friends showed me a different side of life
And as for my mother,
She's happily engaged
I am in highschool
And she is in her 40's
Yet internally, we're still the same

- 12/05/19

I was always seen to be different
Growing up, it was like I was stuck in another realm
From a young age, I had to teach myself
But not only myself, my parents too
It was like everyone was depending on me
And to my parents, this was all new
You see, here's my story..
My parents were immigrants who left their homes
For a better opportunity
Now it's like I'm apart of this disheartened community
Of distress and despair
Wishing someone could take my hand
Cross the bridge
And take me there
Everything that I have taught myself
No matter what lessons I learned
And how I managed past
At the end of the day,
I still had to sit there
And teach them how to teach me
So they wouldn't be outcasts
Being a child of an immigrant
Or even one yourself
Is more of teaching your own through life
And that was something
Nobody had signed up for

When I was younger.. there was a part of me
Who used to see broken glass and holes in walls
Growing up, I had all this rage
With no outlet or control
I realized as I had grown
That all this came from what I used to see
The daily abuse, arguments, and accusations
Things no child should be near
It caused me to grow up with this anger
Channeling it towards those who don't care for me
I acted out of neglection
As an addictive obsession
Wondering who would come and save me

- 12/05/19

Give it up to me
To be the one
Who lets herself down
Causing her own pain
Dragging her own heart
Demanding affection from those
Who act like they care
Killing my own individuality
Many times I drop myself
I lose my dignity and my purpose
Life is so much more
Than unwanted emotions and hesitant people
Waste my time
I need to stray away
With the way things are going right now
Sometimes I am afraid
That I won't even make it to the next day.

- 12/04/19

I spend hours
Glaring at myself in the mirror
Trying to understand the person in front of me
Who am I?
What is my purpose?
Why am I still here?
Day after day
It's the same thoughts
The same pain
Blood rushing through my bones
Many times I pray
God would take it all away
Leave me to rest
I'm tired of having to hold inside the things that I would like to say
Forced to differentiate between my emotions and feelings
I can't do this anymore.

- 12/04/19

Sometimes I wonder..
What would the world be like if I wasn't here?
Would there still be sunshine..
And rainbows?
Or would it just be darkness and despair?
What am I thinking
My presence makes no difference
I'm not worth as much as people think
And I guess I just have to respect that
Even though my conscience tells me otherwise

He tells me I'm worth it
I face the other direction
He tells me I can
I drown myself with doubts
When will I realize
That I am my own enemy.

- 12/04/19

I should really start to take my own advice
It's like I have this power
Of saying these words into my poetry
Having my audience listen and understand
But deep inside
I don't even listen to myself
I ignore my own emotions
I ignore my own existence
Now how's that for a poet

- 12/03/19