The Noose

The Noose Nov 2013

Your words perforated my skin and like venom seeped into my veins
Motivation to peel skin from the bone

I once wore these emotional scars as scales on skin, used them as armour
Now I wear them like a noose around my neck

Weak

A little landslide and I fall off the cliff

I recollect the darkest of days
They drained the emotion in me,
Drained ME

Dead-eyed... so innocent
I hold my breath and wait for this turmoil to pass
I fear it will remain with me until I depart
Emptiness will always be empty
Darkness will always be dark
The dark always prevails, devouring the light
Devouring me

The Noose Nov 2013

Soon the rain

Soon the rain will fall and
you will empty the jars of tears you collected to wash away with the debris.

Soon the rain will fall and wash away the melancholy the atmosphere is drenched in

As you watch the rain drops dance the pitter patter will remind you of a joyful period, forgotten memories shrouded by years of self-destruction

The rain will erase the ruin... the decay that surrounds you

No longer will you breath in devastation The scent of the mixture of rain and dust will give you back life, light, and purpose

The black flower will bloom
A celebration of a new deviation
Restructuration of faith once deconstructed

Your humanity is not gone
There is hope for you yet, a tiny spark that will burst into flames and you will shine the brightest

Soon the rain will fall on your skin and it will erase the sadness in your bones.

The Noose Nov 2013

Bursts of lines

As a self preservation technique
Convince yourself you lived up
To your potential then watch meaning
Seep out of the nothingness
That is your existence

Watch as who you might have been
Rapidly fade into the distance
Despite your feeble attempts
To hold on to the remnants of yourself

Look on as the maggots of hope
And revitalisation eat away
Your rotten skin
Maybe just maybe you will be perfect

Accept defeat
Open up your decaying arms
Embrace the never-ending despair

Combine your self-awareness
With your insecurity and lack of self confidence
Overanalyse yourself over and over again and again
Until you become a stranger to yourself

Express yourself in other ways than
Bursts of meaningless phrases

Live the rest of your days
Kneeling on bleeding shins
Being devoured by the demons
You created because you cherish them sometimes

your poetry *****
You are just another broken soul
In a sea of hopelessness
The hopelessness
That which you perpetuate
It's not your fault
You'll get there
You won't always feel empty
I have faith in you

The Noose Oct 2013

Rusted Spike

Clenched fists and a heavy heart
It's all your fault!
Shifting blame, with reason
The blood that runs through my veins, that which we share makes me ill
Bleeding shoulder and filled with hate
Fearful of bursting into flames, disintegrating
Like I always do
And it's all because of you

I seem to enjoy the fact that you
drove a rusted spike into my back because at least then you owe me and it’s another reason to hate you
The bittersweet taste of betrayal

Should I yank the wretched spike out and slit my own throat?
I'll be gone and you'll be sorry
I refuse to....
I won't be driven to erase myself by the likes of you
I will give you my anger no more
Emptying the jars of tears once collected
Riding it out until my time comes
Got a point to prove
I will not let you win

The soul you murdered is coming back to haunt you
A force to be reckoned with
Christened with anger
Calcified anger
All I see in front of my eyes is red

I eagerly wait for your downfall, just for my amusement
If you had a heart I would freeze it with a cold disposition then shatter it into pieces as your eyes widen.

The Noose Oct 2013

The Escapist

I am forever in a state of delusion and dreaming that blinds me from reality

I spend hours imaging the most perfect version of myself that I want to be but fail to be
I convince myself reality is like what I’m conjuring up the realisation that it's not, crushes me
I am always surprised every time
Like it's something new

I am standing behind myself waiting to step inside myself and embrace reality and embrace the person I am but I cannot because I hold my hopes in the person I could be

Sometimes I feel like I want to step outside of myself but every
attempt I always fall off a cliff

I want to peel these layers of ******* I am hiding under

I am searching for the calm
An end to these hideous emotions that have become a burden

Dizzy from going around in circles in this tiny world with such an insignificant existence
Repeating the same behaviours
Being eaten by the same conflictions
I have been fighting demons for years
And I have spent a decade fighting myself when I should've been happy

Sometimes it feels as though the
walls inside my head are caving in
My head is caving in
Scraped knees, dirt in my finger
nails from the muddy ground of
my tortured mind in a vain
attempt to crawl through the
spaces back to reality again

A prisoner of my own mind
how does one escape
themselves?!
I can't find the door
There are too many corridors
and clutter
I have to create my own door
Through the top of my head

The Noose Oct 2013

Hypnotics

It was just yesterday
She had a dream
Then it flew away
On the floor
Overpowered
Melancholia is always in season

The thunderstorm inside her head refuses to come to a halt
The twisted voices are forever present
She fears they will remain with her until she decays

Swimming in the ocean of hopelessness

Her dreams are bleeding away from her
Giving rise to medicinal desires... Again

To turn off her humanity for a relaxed mind
If only for a little while
Euphoria... dazzling colours like a rainbow after rain on a hot summer's day appear in front of her very eyes
Disassociation with her surroundings and her body, all that she craves
A ******* out like stepping into a jar of pale pink candy that later becomes a large gaping hole when it all wears off

She has abandoned the habit but she is tipping off the edge of a cliff
Anything can happen

The Noose Oct 2013

Binding me and blinding me with

Happiness to me is looking so fragile, so tiny
Hollowed out
Saggy jeans
Sharp protruding hip
bones that make me grin when I peek at my reflection in the mirror
Twig like legs
The visible spine on my back once covered by
flesh that has since disappeared
The glorious collar bones how they symbolise control of the self, superiority, victory
Counting my ribs when I lightly breathe in
The veins on my hands how they encourage me to keep restricting

The voice embedded in my head with her constant whispers - Just a little more and you'll be perfect - she lies It's never enough
The stares, how I love to hate them... the more stares the more sick I look proof that perfection is within my reach

I am forever feeling faint, drained, disoriented and always near collapsing
Hunger gnawing away inside of me
And yet this feels like success

The shackles keep getting tighter the older I get
Binding me and blinding me with

My disorder beats me into nothing
Sleep is no longer an escape, Even in my dreams it's still there... Tormenting me

This treacherous debilitating
illness
My mind is not my own anymore
It took everything from me to the point where most nights I am unsure if I will wake up in the morning
I'm still here, fighting the
fight and that counts

The elusiveness of recovery
The complication of it
How I never will, recover
I will always be haunted

Warped fleshy perceptions
Dangerous methods
Grave consequences