Should I tell him I miss him? Or should I lay in bed and pretend his besides me?
If i told him I missed him he would say am lying.
And if I told him i loved him...
God only knows if it's true.
Today the soound of his heart beat plays in my chest.
His silly giddy moments flicker in my mind.
I can feel him,
Not sure if I should say "His here, right besides me"
I suppose it's just me being will again.

Question is, does he feel this way when he thinks of me too?

This time I have nothing to burn,
Nothing to throw away,
But I have every sensation,
And every essence to wash away.
Leaving no room for an aura of euphoria,
To evoke the moments that have now been defunct.

It's not about his mental illness,
Don't get me wrong.
It's about how he used the empathy in me to his advantage,
And assumed abusing my heart would go on forever.
I got tired  of hoping the man I first loved would come back...
because clearly...
He was all just an act.

It was when I first found myself
So deep in a conversation,
Perhaps without any comas and fullstops.

It was then that I came back to my senses.
It was then when I first noticed
That my subconscious mind was imitating you in my speech,
It was then that I noticed how in your absence a bit of you still lingers.

There and then I was convinced,
Without a doubt that I was in love.

I miss having someone to glance through my eyes
And right into my soul,
Under the concealing smile,
And know that I am not okay.

I envy the woman you ended up with.
I bet she never needs to shed a tear or stay awake all night.

Burdened,
Pained.
At wits end,
Am close to giving up.
Maybe I have already,
but I still have to be strong.
Hold it up together,
I don't know for how long.
Patience faded a long time ago.
But I still hold together.
Not for myself,
Not because I wasn't to,
But because the world requires it to be so.

There is never too dark a poem,
Too dark a mind.
If the thought rages in you.
Let it out...
There is no reason to explain why.