i’m a pathetic being
my soul has been ripped to shreds
and still i long for the claws you sank deep into me
i yearn for you to miss me
to tell me you still love me
even though you deserve nothing from me
i still pour myself unto you
in the moment it feels so good
like you never left me
and you never hurt me
like you don’t break me beyond repair
but the after comes
comes with a vengeance
hatred, hurt, betrayal
i’ve always known you were a cornered animal
but i never expected the amount of hurt you could cause
it feels like life
but all you breathe into me is death

i understand you lost someone
you lost a core part of yourself
an accident that tore our lives apart
and shattered what was left of our souls
i sacrificed myself for your loss
shoving it deep down away from me
to give you room to grieve
i took care of your children
took on the role that was given by their father
who couldn’t or wouldn’t be there for them
i could barely be there for myself
and gave it all to you
and then you took everything from me
lied about your logic
pretended you were innocent
and screamed at me behind closed doors
you may have lost an integral part of yourself
and i am so very deeply sorry for it
for it hurt me too
he was mine as well
but you took everything from me
without a care in the world
made me into a villain
and killed more parts of myself in the process
without an apology or an explanation
everything that i was, you stripped from me
for why? for the control? for your own unjustified reasons?
an audacity to lie to me about the real things
when i have always accepted everything you did
and defended you for it even when it made me a villain
exiled by my own family
to protect you and the girls i helped you raise
i hope you feel good
i hope you feel justified
i hope you feel powerful
because then it might have been worth the cost of my soul
because you never cared about shredding it in the first place