i miss you at great lengths
an ocean between us
the unknown so scary i can’t confront it
i don’t know what you have been exposed to
i pray that some day you will forgive me
for the things i could not control
and i hope you know it killed me
but i would die a thousand deaths for you
if that is what made you happy and still children
oblivious and pure
ill be waiting
and i’ll still be here
no matter how many miles remain between us
for i will not give up the hope
that you will remember how much i love you
and how much i sacrificed for you
and i could never regret it

why didn’t you hang up the phone
why didn’t you get a **** test done at 15
why didn’t you tell anyone
why why why why why why why
no one believes you
when you’re a woman you have to please men
you’re trained from a young age to agree
do as you’re told
for if you say no the consequences are worse

my eyes trace over the scissors you hold in your hand
and shear away all the places i resided within you
you don’t even notice when you snip away the life line
the last thread holding it all together
i unravel more and more
just scraps and strings
all lying in a lifeless pile

i walk barefoot through the nearby woods
ignoring the small cuts on my feet from the rough terrain
i’ve come to learn to walk on glass very well and comfortable with the pain of it
nearby lies a meadow with grass so high it could swallow you whole
there lies in the middle a large oak tree
i lay next to the tree, leaning my head against its large trunk
you would imagine the bark would be too rough, uncomfortable to rest upon
but this one is different, kinder
it senses our familiar souls and i feel its warm embrace
my eyes start to drift shut against the pillowy base feeling the soft embrace of the thin strands of weeds cut through my skin
my fingers tremble and my body vibrates as i feel the tree’s roots reaching out for me to hold me in their embrace
i’ve been waiting for this moment, my soul screaming to be let out of this flesh
with the last of my strength i reach out towards the roots racing forward to enrapture me
our bodies, hearts, and souls as one for eternity

i sit in the lush grass and stare up at this beautiful monstrosity
i think about how old it might be and how it feels in its old age
lightly leaning my palm against the tough bark  scratching my hand
my eyes search the tree, studying how the gnarled arms are seemly bent wrong
how it looks like it’s had to rebuild itself, the way the trunk swivels, almost like it’s had to rebuild itself and came out wrong
i lean my forehead near the giant hole in the middle staring into the dark abyss
and i sorrowfully apologize
because i too know what it feels like
all the hurt and betrayal turning into angry brokenness and a hole where the heart belongs
silent tears track down my face and i softly whisper
you are not alone

don’t bother coming to my funeral
when you were the one to **** me

summer rotted under my tongue
dissolved into autumn
I am ready READY!!
Ready for the decay
the rot
Leaves bleed and fall to their ends
barren trees, cold
still silence
The decomposition of Anna
Thank you , fall
Falling into winter
I will not freeze alone
when you freeze to death you feel warm at the very end