Who am I?
I'm just a girl.
Lost.
Alone.
Trying to find my place in this world.
Who am I?
I'm just a friend.
Tring to make things work.
Hoping this time I won't end up hurt.
Who am I?
I'm just a daughter.
Broken.
Scared.
Missing her father.
Who am I?
I'm a team player.
Always giving my all.
Playing in the moment, not waiting for later.
Who am I?
I am me.
Waiting for the day, I will finally be free.

You used to make me so excited
Like a little ******* Christmas morning
Smiling. Giddy. Giggling.
The days I knew I'd see you, I would wake up hours earlier so I had more time to get ready.
I had to look good for you.
Hair. Makeup. Clothes.
Everything had to be perfect
because you were perfect.
We were perfect
I'd stay up way past my bedtime thinking about you.
Replaying everything in my head.
Wondering if you were thinking of me.
I would think about your cute dimples, the way you laughed.
The way we could talk for hours about nothing...and everything.
You were perfect for me.
We were perfect
We did stupid things together.
I remember it all.
The snow, the whipped cream, the chotoes, the park.
Cuddling on the boat. Gazing at stars.
Perfect memories I'll never forget.
We were perfect
Then came the goodbye along with all the tears.
You said it was only temporary though.
You said you'd be back for me.
Then the letters started coming along with the phone calls.
I started becoming more okay with the distance, knowing it'd be over soon.
"I love you, I miss you, I cant wait until I come home"
You said all of this, but then left me.
Not even giving me answers, and all I want to know is why?
Because I thought...
*We were perfect

I believe in magic, I really do.
So I appricate you still try to keep it alive.
"Lets put out cookies for Santa!"
Even though I know you just wake up before I do and eat half of them,
but you leave the other half for me.
Cookies for breakfast! I love it.
"From Santa"
Even though I know your handwriting.
But it still makes me smile, because it reminds me of being a kid.
I miss being a kid.
"Santas been filling your stocking"
Even though we both know he doesnt do that until Christmas Eve.
Not the whole month of December.
But I still love everything you do.
Because it keeps the spirit of Christmas in the air.
And the magic.

Death
Such a small word.
Though;
filled with so much power.
Power
Everyone wants it.
Some get it.
Few severly abuse it.
Abuse
It hurts.
It kills.
Many simply turn the other cheek.
They choose not to help.
Help
Everyone needed it.
No one gave it.
No one ever even offered.
They were too scared.
Scared**
Scared of death.
Scared of the power.
Scared of being abused.
And terrified to offer any help.

I almost said goodbye tonight.
I came this close.
Home alone
music blasting...
A simple note left on the counter.
Took a deep breath, and let the water rush over my face.
Soon, it'd all be over.
But then some of the soapy water got into my mouth.
I started to gag, sat up out of reflex.
Immediately, I started crying histerically.
"What am I doing?"
and as I sat there in the steam filled room,
so close to closing my eyes forever;
I came to the realization of how utterly ****** up I am.

5 months.
5 months ago today, you became an angel in the sky.
And every night, still, I cry.
Because I miss you and it hurts to know I will not see you again.
Everyone tells me to let go, but I can't.
It isn't that simple.
You don't just forget about the ones you love.
No matter if they are on earth or flying high above.
They always stay in your heart.
And sometiems the memories tear you apart.
But no one understands.