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I should have run to Japan, to be the writer that I can, to sing folk to girls who are smiling because they can, I should have road the rails, staring at the never ending cities with hearts ablaze, ducking down into a dreamland maze of alley ways, give my poems to hobos and gays, and find any naru to sing karaoke, go into dens and clubs that traded air for smoking, I'd be the talk of toast, and the **** of the island, or I'd get drunk with samurais on a foam pylon, I'd ask a geisha to dance, but get nervous and spill my drink all over my pants, I'd go with malcontents and roughdy otakus as we hit the arcades on speed, I'd stay at a hotel and get married married in the states, I'd fall in love with a girl for a weekend and shed tell me she hates fancy dinners but loves dates, I would end up sleeping in the hills, high and full of chills, I'll tell school children what the stars mean, even though they can't be seen, I'll write a poem about my sin, of wanting my right, my right of a writing man, in Japan.
The title is suppose to be about Naru, a fictional character(who has green eyes)  but represents that true love
I need to speak my mind more often.
I need to speak it truthfully,
Pent up it fumes and poisons me.
Turns my tongue to ash.

Today I've noticed I didn't recognize myself.
Fires have warped my features,
Though unchanged my reflection
yields new connotation.

Poets once unheard
now rip tears from my eyes.
Music plays on repeat for hours,
Immersing me in a blanket of deceit.

I hide myself behind my mask of notes,
Submerging myself in an unbreakable bubble,
But its protective husk suppresses the peril within.
The truth is I'm suffocating.

My open wounds pus hate,
Scabbing over in deceit that only cracks with more hate,
Unexplainable angst inflames a desire to break out,
To speak my mind truthfully.
Nov. 30/ 2013
They say your past makes you wiser
My past just haunts me
It makes me see what a fool I’ve been all these years
To think that I could actually love you
Or the fact that you loved me, as you said

With age comes wisdom, they say
Laughing and tossing around sayings of the past, age and wisdom
I’m sitting thinking what my age brought along with it

The nights filled with empty liquor bottles as I try to drown my sorrows
The long evenings spent watching the stars come up and thinking of your eyes
The way we used to be
Or maybe it’s the mornings
The ones where I wake up and you’re not there next to me
And then I get that feeling of regret and I start to beat myself up

You know I think it’s the afternoons that take the gold
‘Cause by this time my boss is calling me asking me to explain what the hell is wrong with me
And honestly if I told him what was truly wrong, he’d call me crazy
So I just sit there in silence until he tells me not to bother coming in
Cause by now this is my third and final strike
He’s gone and I’m left with just the dial tone, or maybe it was my heart beating

I throw the phone down, but it rings again
This time it’s the landlord asking for all the rent I haven’t paid yet
This time he doesn’t say cover it in next month’s rent, he tells me to either pay or get out
I wait and wait and wait for another word, but all I hear is the dial tone

I push the phone off the bed and try to focus my eyes, but all I can make out in the distance is your smile – the white gloss that shined whenever you opened your mouth
I try to push myself off the bed and I landed face first on broken glass
I couldn’t remember anything about glass, but I seemed to picture the fact that I was so mad at myself I smashed the bottles still filled with liquor to the floor
Letting it sink in the rugged carpet
I laid there for a few minutes, or maybe it was a few hours, I couldn't remember

Finally it was evening again, but I wouldn't be watching the stars
The phone rang and rang and rang
I pulled up the strength to get off the phone and answer
But at ease it was my co-worker, you know the ones that never seem to mind their own business

The questions that never stopped, why am I not there yet
Do I know I’ve been fired, blah blah blah and so on
Finally, I’m tired of it and just hang up

I drag myself to the bathroom
Watch myself up and get ready for the night round
I try to clean up the broken glass, but all I see is your face rather than my reflection
I leave the glass where it is, in one big pile on the floor next to my bed

I moved to the screen door and opened it up and began my way down the long stride
I walk down the street, cigarette in left, liquor bottle in right
I look up to the stars and there is a big dark, glowing…

SNAP BACK TO REALITY

I’m still walking that small, narrow street; the only difference is it’s the night
I always run out of liquor way before I finish driving my sorrows away
So this time I packed extra, and I mean lots of extras

I’m basically wasted by now and I keep walking trying to make out where I was at the moment
Somewhere between Crazy street and Mental Lane
I took out another liquor bottle smashing the last one to the ground
I waited for the sound from the crash, but nothing
Heard nothing in return, not even a thank you
You ungrateful ******* ground
I continued my unthinkable walk not yet sure where I was going
Somehow my heart understood and gave me what I needed
Not what I wanted
I ended up, blacked out wasted on your doorsteps

Somehow, my heart understood what my pain couldn’t make out for me
And you took me into arms just before I fell

Woke up the next morning with a massive hangover
I was in a bed, but this time I got out and onto the floor
But this floor was different; there wasn’t any broken glass on the floor
There weren’t any phone calls from the job or nosey co-workers
There was just peace

I found my way into the kitchen and there the memories struck me
I thought of all the times we spent together, but now I was a drunken mess

Somehow my heart understood and there I was
All this just to end up in this room with all these memories
My heart explained what the pain couldn't
And it felt what the tears couldn't
 Dec 2013 Niveda Nahta
Brittani
You said it.
You finally said it.
Depression.
Was that so hard?
It's just a three syllable word
This time, the word didn't fall off your tongue
Dripping with disdain
And your eyes weren't glassy
And your body wasn't rigid
Your eyes were wild
But it rolled right off your tongue
What did it taste like?
Like freedom?
Because that's what it felt like to me
This is just a dark piece of creative writing. It is not aimed at anybody. Just a bundle of words! Before you read this I hope you don't find it too offensive. I think I posted adequate censorship warnings.  EVERY SO OFTEN I LOVE DOING A REALLY DARK WRITE! THIS IS PROBABLY THE LAST ONE YOU WILL BE PRIVVY TOO FOR A LONG TIME!
Thank you for understanding!

Tore  my eyes out.
Popped them on my plate.
Stuck your fork in.
You watched them pop.
You said that I was watching you.
Well I can't do now.
Whatever.
For a really brainy man.
You sure as hell aren't very clever.

You tied me up with ribbons .
You sat me in your favourite chair,
Tried to feed me mushrooms.
Gave me them in a witches brew.
Think you called it tea.
I couldn't see.
It was foul as foul can be.
Told me that I'd like them.
You said you didn't care.

The volumes were distorted.
My love he then aborted.
Left my soul ******* in the chair.
Tripping out like I won't care.

Jesus Christ
I was so scared.
Almost crucified.
Now my love he had denied.
My man of so black.
F**ked off and left me.
Won't be back.

Shut my eyes and try to sleep.
And only then I realised.
I could not find my eyes.
Just have sore sockets.
That drip with blood and weep.
My peepers can no longer peep.

He took them out a while ago.
So I could not see the way to go!

If this is love.
I'll give it a miss.
Don't need no more of this!

(C) Livvi 01/12/2013
 Dec 2013 Niveda Nahta
Carolynn
lush
 Dec 2013 Niveda Nahta
Carolynn
everything that could be
            real
that could mean this is
            actually happening
it means
             nothing

does it not?

i worry you wouldn't
                              feel the same
                              act the same

look at me with that
                              spark

in your eyes
those anxious eyes

if your discernment were not
          

                                            tainted
 Dec 2013 Niveda Nahta
Cassie Mae
I

looked into his eyes
overlooking the pain in mine
vanity
enveloped all other emotion

touching him
overtook my heart with
overwhelming devastation

i
never
thought he wouldn't change his mind
even after my pleas, my tears he
never budged on his
stance to
erase me from his
life and leave me
yearning.
© Cassie Mae Writings 2013
 Dec 2013 Niveda Nahta
Paola MRB
Tons of thoughts.
All of them without sense,
captivates the mind
of someone wandering around.

Wandering around the world.

Wandering in between two sides.
Good or bad,
death or life.
What would you choose ?

Ask yourself what would you choose...

If your life were a complete disaster,
if all the morning you doubt about you,
if you not recognize yourself anymore,
if you regret your existence.

No, no because a specific reason.
Just think about fell emptiness ,
about feel nothing.
Cause that is the worst you can feel.

Eyes full of tears,
a heart full of deception,
a life full of emptiness,
and the opportunity to choose just one side.

*-Paola M.R.B
To be behind a slight disguise
behind those liquid lavender eyes

Long search hard to find
a special soul nothing unkind

A feeling strong a heart that's true
but wait, I think they're deep deep blue

I stare into a certain fate
I feel the pulse with quickened gate

Into those eyes I do fall
spirit image and magic call

I an certain this is no illusion
wonderful real no confusion

Lavender eyes forever together
sharing time with my beautiful feather

Lavender eyes no disguise
I gaze into those Lavender Eyes
~
This poem was published in 2006 in a hard cover compilation entitled
"TIMELESS VOICES" by The International Library of Poetry. It received
The Editors Choice Award from managing editor Howard Ely. It was also
nominated for Poem of the Year 2007 by the registry.
Available at Amazon.  Thank you for reading
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