when your life settles
you’re gonna miss me and
wish you wiped my eyes
when they welled up
because of you.
i hope you handle the quiet
better than i do
***** the air out of my lungs
a little more
and I wonder how
they expect me to keep going
suffocating with a smile
this time adding more colors
to my hair as i lose it from my lips.
left all my beds unmade
and my voicemail full.
this ******* house makes
my ears bleed
the watery sun cant thaw bones
stuck in their coffin
i soaked my pillow in
glitter tears and your name.
i know it’s not supposed
to be this hard to get out of bed
or live out the conscious hours
of a day.
i don't remember when
the lies became defining
but i know they were as necessary
as the cheap cigarettes.
the sky wasn't the only blue
the day you returned all my things.
i lost the plot last summer and you
(saw the Christmas lights without me).
you tell me fix myself
i told you it's only temporarily crippling,
the sadness, but i can't take another hit.
I’m with you every day
you could say there are days I’m not
but those are just lapses in time
where the sun and moon
rise and fall
over your presence and absence
while I’m drifting through time
to drift with you.
i dont remember when
i swallowed all the blue in the world
but all i know is the exhaustion
and the red on my arms
i promise everything started out with
good intentions but i cant promise
anything after that
i cant find any empty spaces in my head
or any whole pieces of my heart
******* sick of talking about it