Staring into a stream.
splashing
Side by side; it gets no better.

Eyes blur so pictures
walk across the page.
Side by side; it gets no better.

Roof is collapsing.
Floor is sinking .
Side by side; it gets no better.

It's a birthday.
It's an un-birthday.
Side by side; it gets no better.

Living together
while alone.
Side by side; it gets no better.

Underneath the sun.
Underneath the moon.
Side by side; it gets no better.

Many happy returns to your days.
Many happy returns to your nights
Side by side; they will get better.

I have a son and daughter
They're alike as oil and water
I am proud to say that I'm their dad
since their mother died last autumn
Their only goal it seems,
Is to mess around and make the other mad

My daughter needs a mother
It's a role I'm forced to fill
I really wish my wife was still around
But, I think of how she'd handle
This little girl of ours
Although I know she's six foot underground

My son, he needs some guidance
That I just can not give
Emotions aren't a strong point in my book
He really needs his mother
To help him find his way
this mother thing deserves a second look

We're a rag tag group of people
A prince, A princess and their king
We lost our shining beacon late last year
I'm learning how to do things
That I never used to know
And my daughter has now learned to open beer

I used to be a father,
Who would send them on their way
Tell them "see your mother first, and then see me"
But, now I have no option
When decisions must be made
It seems to come back down to only me

I can tell my son to do stuff
Though I have to tell him twice
He always finds a way to get it done
When I tell my little princess
Exactly what to do
She tell me "Mum, would help me out and make it fun"

I know fishing and know hunting
I can fix most any car
I know all there is to know beneath a hood
But as far as being mother
It's a skill I have to learn
I just hope I'm doing all the things I should

The other day my daughter
Said "Dad, I need a bra"
I thought, good god, there's no one I could ask
Her granny lives in England
And her nana's in the states
So I guess it falls to me to do this task

I took her out last weekend
to buy a bra, Yes ...I said bra
This was a job her mother would have loved
But, here I was...her father
Trying to avert my eyes
Which gets real hard when pushing comes to shove

She bought her bra and smiled
As we walked out of the store
She laughed at me, and I laughed back as well
We'd shared a special moment
Between a princess and her king
It's a story to my son I will not tell

We bonded as a mother
and a father and his princess
We had a day and jeez we had some fun
I'm really glad my daughter
Told me "Dad, I need a bra"
Cause I never want to hear that from my son!!

I scoop up the last armful of clothes from my drawer,
Look at my uncle sitting at my computer
my eyes screaming,"I'm done, that's it"
he nods his head, listening to my aunt on the other end of the phone
and playing with the settings of the security camera dad bought to spy on us.
I carry them into the hallway,
kick grandmas already half open door
drop them on the bed
and sort them out;
a pair of pants,
I lift the shirts from the Mexican midnight takeout box
insert the pants,
put the shirts back down
add another pile of shirts
and fit the socks and underwear along the side.
this is the third box
and it's done.
three boxes, a clothes basket, a backpack and a computer
and I feel like a hoarder, like I have far more than I need.

as I turn around I feel him wrap his arms around my neck
and ease his tear filled eyes onto my shoulder.
"I love you, Bubba"
he says, in a voice deeper than it should be
"I can deal with him,
but living without either of my brothers scares me"
I start crying, I can't hold back the tears
all the pain and suffering of eighteen long years
finally **** near over
and I almost start grabbing clothes and stuffing them back into the drawers.
I almost say
"I can wait six years for a life"
but I look into his eyes
and see that he's telling me not to stay
that his heart will be torn up
but he can make it through
he always has.
twelve years old and the strongest person I know.

we stand there embraced for a quarter hour
crying until we have no more tears
until we have let out all the anger and fear of the last nine years.

we stumble into the dark hallway
eyes red, swollen, and damp.
Nobody asks any questions
and we continue on with our day,
my entire life piled up on the far side of grandma's bed

Refrain:
He your pappy, but he dead now
Won't mess with yer head no more
No more.

Cos he dead now, he dead now
He dead now.


1.
Looking in this window. See 'em all warm inside.
Cold wind, him bitin' at my ankles.
Just look at 'em inside, all warm and cosy.


CHORUS:
Maybe gotta look inside
Won't get nothing on the outside
Yeah, gotta look inside
For a little bit o' lurve!

Never gonna turn your back on life.
Gotta take this shot of live
Gotta warm me up inside
'Fore the cold comes to claim me.

Gotta close all lonely spaces
With a little bit of love
So, I's gotta take a look inside.


2.
Don't mean to feel so mean. Just wanna feel part of something
(So) strange, with all 'em polar caps a-meltin',
We still don't have enough love!


3.
Looky here, now traipsin' down this ***** street
Seeking all along the edge of night
Huntin' warmth, hikin' smiles, hawkin' love and sellin' souls
What the hell are we doin' here?


4.
No, you don't always feel it
But there's a stink wind blowing out there
Suckin' at my poor soul, stealin' all my warmth
Yeah, (s)uckin' up my poor soul, takin' all our love!


Repeat refrain.





S T, 23 April 2013

Do you hate me in the way that I hate myself?
I do not think I can continue to live… this way.
I want everything to be all right
but I break every night.
Where is my peace,
my solace,
can anyone relieve this ache?
I am always chosen last.
Why can’t I be someone’s first choice?
I am not.
I have never been.
I am always on the outside looking in.
I am the outside,
I am the fringe.