My Heart can only Scream so Long
                                                          so­ Loud
Echoing with all I wish you would accept.
              Even forming these words grow tiresome.
They are read but not
                                      Alive.
                ­                      In Time...
                                                      The­y shall ring True
The rest will pour forth when finally
                                                         ­             Near
          I Hope to get that Chance
To add more proof,
                               evidence,
                                              Solidify your Reality.
But I cannot continue to care so Deep
           See so Strong...
Feel so Foolish
                         So grow into that hidden Strength
While I try to forget that glow,
                                                  glint,
  ­                                                         glitter...
                           Sparkle behind that Smile.
But I'm not gone...
      That collision of Space and Time.
                                Reverberating.


          ­                   Just tell me. When exactly do these ripples end?
Well you have control you see,
it is not the same as throwing a rock into the water and watching the ripples disappear.
This is more than just a simple stone tossed in a lake.
Yes,
those ripples move,
but they eventually fade.
We have choices, that maybe sort of false sought out Destiny.
But we decide, have that choice, that one, two, or three.
So this thing we have,
however small it may be,
is maybe one and or two holding onto this growing Tree
clinging to that whatever small heart string.
So maybe, just maybe, you will eventually
                       See.


**July 24, 2013

Control over more than words
                 Just want to be
         Something I'm not
                           But Everything I'm meant to Be.
Too Scared
                   Of?
                          Everything
Must Climb
                                  E.
                      ­         S
                            I
                        R
That unique soul is True.
                     Stop Hiding It.
Such Intimidation
                              Such Lack
           So Lost
Not searching to be
                                 Found.
Who would want to see?
         Brilliance there,
                                   Emotionally shadowed.
Soon light will reflect,
                                    Too dark to break free.
Must stop the creeping darkness
                                       Literally Crawl Through.
How to distinguish 'Right'?
         Wrong is easier to see,
                         easier to give up,
                                                    usually.
­Why is Right so hard?
              Always feel undeserved
          But You are Deserving
             Do not be scared
                  Just Try.


**July 24, 2013

Purpose Lost
Purpose Found
Purpose Changes.
                              Write to write
                              Write to Feel
Right.
              Where to find the effort?
   Comes with passion,
                                      No effort at all.
        Feel so strange.
                                     Only one constant
       One Remains
                               No need to be said.

        Happy for the present,
                                              How does sadness creep?
           It does because of others
                                          actions, words
                                                           ­         entice emotion
                   Cause and Effect
        When one is Happy
                                        does not mean that all will follow.
                         Little Things Matter.
Focus on abstract,
                                Larger required.
How is it known happiness will carry?
                                   because that Joy different.
It will carry on,
                          felt within,
                                             Soul
                                                      Wracki­ng
                                            Pleasure.
So Find It,
                   Do It,
                              Be 'It'.



**July 23, 2013

I Both Fear for you and Admire you.
                   Where the fear comes from
                               Not Known
Maybe Compassion,
                                  Human Love,
                                                          W­** cares.
                                                          ­   It's there.
You are strong,
                        cognitive,
                      ­                  brilliant,
                                    ­                  And know it.
Only use it to twisted advantage.
                                   If that's all you want,
                                                all you require
                       Then Fine.
I'm not here to Judge,
                                    point fingers,
                                                        ­    Instruct,
                           Control.
Just know that you can be More.
              Achieve the Greatest.
                    Make a Change
Be the strange Disease
                                   that heals instead of kills.
I can see it there,
                            In small,
                                           Subtle ways.
Did you Know you are Beautiful?
Did you Know you are Miraculous?
                   So much there,
                                            So much potential.
                         Just Use It.



**July 23, 2013

When you watch day turn to night
Suddenly things come to light
Because it is so obvious,
                                       Stunningly so,
The passage of time
                               Marked by the falling Sun.
The Brain starts wandering,
                                             Focusing,
     Running on wild
                        Do not ignore,
                                                replace or Control
Allow Freedom,
                          Be one with your thoughts
Why so busy?
                       Why so surrounded?
             Why so scared to be alone?
Scared of the infinite,
                                   lost in thoughts
                Daunting
   Where will the mind wander?
           Most of all...
Scared of seeing who you Truly are,
                                   Mistakes and missed chances.
But it is all past now.
Nothing more to be done.
So learn from them.
                        
                           LET. IT. GO.
                            EXPLORE.



**July 23, 2013

Time is control.
        It controls us,
                               powers us,
Gives us reason to
                               Live.
Because all we have
                                 Are these Moments.
Create that Everlasting
                                   Memory.
To survive,
                   Leave a Legacy?
Something Bigger than Self.
                                                Forget It
                                                   Be It
                                                  Use It
Please,
             Leave a changing moment
                            Stay seated on the Bus.



**July 23, 2013

Hear this heart beat faint
                                        beyond the extra mile?
All these thoughts
                              All these dreams
           Too much to reconcile?
Lost all purpose
                       No more reason to smile
Though told of greatness
               And extra brain fire
I feel no self worth
            And the reasons just pile

Had small moments of bliss
                                      Where worth just a glimmer
A fraction of time
                            Where worth,
In fact
             Did Shimmer.
It was not a focus on others
                                             Did not matter who I was
Do not like what you see
                                     Don't come back, please.

But I find myself wondering
                                            where the change did click in
Because I've felt this before
                                            A fight for no win.


Lost trust in my actions,
                                       my thoughts,
                                             judgement,
                                             morals,
Everything lost when you just cannot see.
            That I'm a real person
                                                Who is able to be.

This time passes slowly,
                                      Especially kept so near,
Treating me special,
                                Except not different at all.

How do you expect to grow,
                                               Go.
When never given a chance
                                  To just say No.

What was once said,
                                   now sounds so logical
I'm trying so hard
                             to not be biological.
but it feels like this path
                                      was already carved out in stone
so do not be shocked,
                                       scared or excited.
You built this path,
                                You should have known.

Try so hard,
                    to walk off this path.
Let me discover...
                          To use the lessons once taught.
One day I'll snap back
                                  Then shock is allowed
Because you won't see this coming
                                 This Strong Person
                                                          ­    This Soul
                        That I Am Becoming.


**July 15, 2013