Feeling wanted,
                                   worth,
                      ­                                 desire
                      My company.
Impacted?
                   All I've ever wanted to do.
Change something, someone,
                                                     Hopefully their version of 'better'
            So,
                                      Wow.
                 Thank You.
I want to keep this feeling,
                 keep impacting,
                 keep being me.
                 keep people around me where I don't have to try.
It's so good when there is no effort...
                                                 Just React.

Blatant Mockery,
                                Don't pass me by.

Cruel objectivity.
                                                Did you give me a chance?
                                                Why was I written off?
Was I noticeably different or did I put myself in those situations because as much as I tried faking everyone else's idea of 'Normal' became exhausting.
                  So That doesn't matter anymore
I will never forget,
                                    taught me so many lessons.
Yet your own inadequacies keep piling up in front of me.
                 Nothing wrong with looking up to people...
Just ensure they're actually worth raising your neck.
                    This is not hate, revenge, or rejection.
This is to acknowledge the fact that you once helped me feel alone, lost, unloved, unworthy, unintelligible, broken.
Like every day a little bit of my heart would dissolve until eventually... nothing left.
I stopped existing.
                   This is to say I forgive you, but I have not forgotten.
                                    Nor will I.
My existence has been jumpstarted.
             Find myself in the middle of everything.
Good people keep happening
                                   Restore Faith
                                   Being Filled
                                No longer alone
                                No longer empty.
Things begin to flow when you don't worry.
Keep busy, distract your mind,
                                                         busy adds to worry.
Delicate.
                 Balance.
So I've moved on.
No dark shadow,
No more living a vague version of My Truth.
No more outside control.
                                           So these walls are coming down,
                                           My eyes burn from the sun,
                                           My jaw aches from this endless smile
                                                    It's getting easier.
                                                       I am Me.

RELATIONSHIP
                                Put load,
                                                  too much trust?
Not enough.
Let more people in,
                Too much, too soon?
Talk during emotion,
                                       not ignore, put off, bottle up.
Let people help.
                                 TRUST.
Initial Reactions?
                                Need for people to know ME
Understand?
             Want open.
                                    Not ready.
                           Can't trust.
People throw away,
                                     turn away,
                                                          walk away,
                                   Easily?
Easy to look up to people,
                                                   don't stretch your neck so readily.
Currently happy
                               even though everything may not be as I want.
So light, so free,
                              Walking steady
                              Where I want.
Get to know deeply,
                                      let what happens, happen.
                             Don't worry.
Accept flaws as I see
            Work to accept?
Bad brutally honest?
                             Don't want to work,
                             Shouldn't have to work so hard
But I can't let go,
                              not easy.
                                               You've made your way in.
Not being with you a distinct possibility,
Yet I still hope we can remain together on some level.

Despite what happens,
                                          I am happy.
And I will continue to make choices that ensure my
                                          Happiness.

I am not anything you say I am.
Simply because you say I am.

Some words frighten me,
Shouldn’t be used for me,
Don’t involve me.

They are things I will always search for in others,
Things I find so easily in others.
                                         Not in myself.
They do not exist.
Though maybe I wish they did.
I am small,
protected and
                             unprotected.
Build up so many walls,
So many towers.

These towers come with guards.
These guards,
expert marksmen.
Half the time I feel lost and confused,
Searching for meaning and understanding….
                                                                                          Not searching at all.
Things just get more confusing,
Things pile on before others get resolved.

Always felt like I was doing what I was told.
Left home,
                     Found different.
                               Grew.

Now I must go back.
Take time off, but really turn time on.
This is not something meant to affect other people,
Though I’m telling myself it will.
This is something absolutely for me.

So maybe these guards, towers, walls will be removed,
Maybe I’ll find meaning, understanding, direction..
Maybe I’ll see in myself those things seen so easily in others.
Those things I’ve been told…
And so quickly, readily, easily
                                                                                                                                                Denied.
I want to find them.

So I will go where ever this search takes me
And I hope some of you tag along.
But just because you’re not, doesn’t mean I’m not
Going.

Alright, so I’m coming home.
But I don’t really know what that is anymore,
And now even the physical appearance isn’t the same.
We’re all home, full house.
How is this going to work? What are we going to do?
Going to a place where my heart is not and cannot be at peace is something that I can no longer handle, and something that I will not force myself to endure again.
So what will happen if this again turns into turmoil?
What if it has not changed?
What if we keep sweeping things under the rug?
I keep tripping over mine.
Stumbling every time I enter, feeling constrained.
So what will I do if nothing has changed?
Where will I go? Where can I go?
There seems to be no other option than to move forward,
Change how we work.
Change.

As you dance between two realities,
Which is real,
                        Which is not?
         Kiss the cat.

Words
Power
Action.
Late.
Torn
Weeks.
Nothing,
Faded.
Arms
Part.
­Hurt.
Point?
Fun.
See
Ache
Going,
Remain.
Keep
Future.