In
the
city
in the
sky,
Gothic
clouds
pelt
the
eye.

In
the
city
in the
sky,
we
have
supper
by
five.

In
the
city
in
the
sky
we stay
out
late
at night
when
the need
feels
great
and
the
time
is right.

In
the
city
in
the sky
there
is no
gnashing
at the
bit,
you
step
up
and
fill
your
plate,
you
feel
so
good
just as
you
should,
it is
your
natural
state.

In
the
city
in the
sky,
death
is
no more
and
religion
has
been
shown
the door.

In
the
city
in
the
sky,
there
is peace
and
brotherhood
and love
reigns
all,
just
as it
should.

© 2013

another sleepless night
4am comes strolling around
i toss in turn bundled in the sheets
how does one sleep with a mind that races like engine.
thoughts go dashing through without hesitance.
thoughts that break apart every aspect of me.
constantly i am reminded of what i am not,
what i could be, what i will never be, and all that is wrong with me.
i cannot stop the whirling inside my mind.
i sit up, i think positive
but the negativity falls down on me like a heaviest thunderstorm
my thoughts, my feelings break me down  
my insides come tumbling day in day out.
i cannot put the sadness into words,
it takes a hold of me, pulls me under its vicious waves,
i come crashing down.
it drowns me until nothing is left,
it tortures me until i am rotten to my core.
the sadness never leaves for long, its with in my roots.
the sadness fills my mind
my head becomes a violent dust storm
gusts of thoughts whirring from every direction.
i am overwhelmed by my own feelings,
I am overthrown by the sadness in my soul.
I pull apart every little thing, letting the smallest things get to me.
insecurities get the best of me, sad thoughts consume me.
happiness abandons me, it never lasts.
i don't recall the last time i was genuinely happy.
sadness is all i know.
the sadness rips me apart and peels my every layer
until it makes its way into my walls
cemented inside of me forever

kissing you was like setting off fireworks inside of me.
you sparked the flame which burnt out long ago
and my insides lit up again, i felt whole again.
every kiss you gave me, the feeling of your lips as they pressed against mine,
made every hair on the back of my neck stand straight,
made my knees weak and my heart grow fonder.
Then one day you packed your things and left.
all the butterflies died and all that was left
was darkness that consumed me
along with a sea of tears that i still have not swam out of
will i drown?

A picnic in the park
a leaf with a breeze
hibiscus and vanilla
an afternoon tease
Sweet lemonade
under a shade of oak trees
hummingbird duet
with buzzing bumblebees
Teardrop kisses
a gentle love bite
you and I laughing
what a beautiful site
A few filtered moments
just you and I
spring flowers and bluebirds
under a clear blue sky

boys always try to tell me
"red, you don't know how to say
i love you"
and that i don't know
how to express it...
that i don't know
how to get it out
that i'm like a rock
they have to chisel
or a small child
they have to bribe
with sweet words
and
treats.
they always tell me
i am so
difficult.

but maybe
i am difficult
because i actually don't
love you
maybe i am a rock
that cannot be chiseled
because you simply don't know how
maybe
i would come to you
and let you hold me
if you weren't so
frightening...

...maybe a lot of things would happen
if i actually
did
love you.

these boys think
we are in love
and that one-way streets
don't exist
but they will discover otherwise
when they go down one
long enough

i don't know
     if i have
the effort
               or inspiration
to write
anything today
   i'm too tired
and my brain
is completely
focused
on you
but you're too perfect
and art
will not amount
to you
even if i try

so i don't know
if i'll write any more
poems
today

i have bitemarks on me
from you loving
too hard
scratches on you
where i didn't want to let go
but suddenly
the battle
is over
the breathless tangle
at an end
i forgot where i begin
and you did it
on purpose
the bitemarks
you left on me
are sore
and so is anything
that once was
in my chest
love makes me
bleed
love makes you
violent
love makes us
make
war

What a heavy downpour
Blurry visions..
colorful images...
emerge from the streets,
glimpse of movements,
here and there...
up and down...
the walking umbrellas....
Beautiful panorama...

.