...people ask me why I am so cynical,
why can't you take the chance and trust,
the answer is simply 'because of you'
reflective views flip my psyche into another dimension
you ask why, I keep my distance never to connect on a deeper level
I laugh and smile, I learned that from you, a keen cover to hide the truth
'because of you' my mind is twisted, my body  recoils
listless in the heavy load, a burden that was not my doing
so, when people ask 'why so wary', I say something flippant
to cover my painful angst laden reasons why, but we both know...
it's 'because of you'.....................

Smoke fills the sky
Shouts  fill the air
Out in the black of the sky
The truth sat
Drifting far away under a moonlit night
It whispered
You are small
Greater things lay out here with me
Things above  
Its peace out here
The only heaven
The only escape
The black behind the smoke stared into me as I cowered in half comprehension
Below the horizon was havoc
As it always was
Now as the water rose to my ankles I looked back up
Looked with courage
As the water rises and the soft white twinkling from the moonlight off the water covers the ships deck I accept it
There is no god
No plan
No justice for the starved and slaughtered
It isn't god its us and only us who ****  pillage and ****
The water fills my lungs and I know the white of heaven won't reach me
Only the black
The black where the truth sits under an old oak
Under a full moon
The only true peace
The black

These thoughts drain me
I can't sleep
I can't eat
I'm haunted of what could be
Would you still adore me if you knew
Or would you laugh too?
The end is through a body bag
It's a game of tag
Happy sad
Glad then mad
I'll take my leave now
The best question is how?

i'm going to **** myself soon
because of how badly breaking hurts
and how lonely 'broken' feels
but sixty percent because lately

my sadness
is forming echoes in my bones
such that my broken pieces hit other hearts
before reflecting back to cut against me
scratched people are not art
and I don't want to hurt anybody

thank you for listening to my stories
and for never spelling out
that I was not in fact 'okay' even if you knew
i'd been crossing out the days really quickly

it was just what I needed
to have my delusions persuaded
my fears remain seated

because how can people not have breaking
points when water has a boiling point
and we are three-fourths that
I am three-fourths not
good enough

the decision had
long ago been made for me
i had stopped being happy
and it's been some time since I've prayed
because what can you do to fight fate
when they confiscated your weapons
they never returned them

I want to be whole, alone, a poem -
anything but broken,
but I am broken.
I am dying,
I am dead

what you see is never real

because the heart is hidden
in boxes

no one admits the way they feel

because their minds are ridden
with holes

we fall through our homes alone

because the mind is blackened
with soot

from fireplaces here 'n' there

we wallow in our blackness
hopeless

above our heads, bright light we see

a brighter light than we can
ever
be

surely i awaken in a sea of sheets,
filled with broken memories,
cascades flow in between the mountain regions of
my heart and
my love,
viewing all of us through a kaleidoscope,
broken we are never pieced together correctly,
drowning in the memories of the last kiss,
saved by angels calling,
you are my siren,
luring me in with lust,
and destroying me with passion,
surely i die in a sea of your selfishness,
bound by the peninsula of my heart,
your love,
and these hopes,
vastly we fall in love,
forget how to breath solely,
forget how to sleep with the lonely,
until we have to do it all again,
sailing the seas once again waiting to hear the voice
of the siren who once had me mystified,
drowning in her love.

-S.J

******* nature


Lovely pink roses on a stone wall
like buttons on a cotton dress
climbing to the top
opening when the light finds
so many interludes frolicking beyond the
painted iron gate

Swinging hinges sing the melody of love
as soft thorns pull at cloth canopies
of translucent chiffon and soft lace hue,
releasing vine clung threads,
knotted of perfume, watching as buttons
free fall to the lawn, like so many petals