I hate myself.
But clearly not enough to fix me.
I continue to hate myself everyday,
the hate grows bigger.

It's not a hate that you can hide either,
people know that I don't love myself.
My hate attacks my body
my mind
my relationships
My heart.

I'm morbidly obese with hatred
I'm dying,  but
I hate myself too much to care.

I wont tell you how I feel. Inside
where the roses see no light.
I know it will make you sad.
I'll keep it to myself, hide it among the thorns,
twisting vines making me sick and tired.
Dry and baron soil unquenchable,
the gardener grieves for the seasons last harvest.
The tear buds are shaking from wooden stems
Drops of rose blood trying to quench the thirst.
A sacrificial death, my own cross yet to bare
Wild blood seeps until all the hurt is gone
Bled from each bloom,
soaking the roots, too late.
It is time to say goodbye
Each rose must be pruned
Hearts left rotting on the ground
Fertilizing a new day's harvest
They will never be the same
no rose as sweet as the one before
yet promise lingers with Spring's fresh hope
That A tiny bud can bring life from death.

I would have been your girl
If you had simply called me a gift.
I remember every word
Everything you said:
'The latest of my mistakes,
Great for keeping me warm'.

You were a domineering bard
With lyrical power
My young mind tricked by your words
crushing me down

But now I see that your words
Were always lies.
You played me like a word game
Your truth hurt

But it hurt more to know
you lied.
So I waited, with satisfaction
That you would run out of words.

Let us acknowledge
The last time
we will ever play this song
The keys are
Slowly
Breaking.

I thought I loved you,
Naive
When I spoke, it was not me I heard.
You tore me apart
Key
by
Key
And yet, I held the pieces
I dare not let them go.

You can't play the muse
When you broke the keys I play upon.
I can't lie anymore
Pretending to be happy,
Like when we were little
We're just playing house in our ruins.

How can I give you any more
in maturity I find myself loving you less?
Nothing remains unbroken
but...naivety.

Here comes the next one,
The next 'grown up'
Stay as young as you can
Naivety makes you 'strong'
Even when you're told you're wrong,
And love,
it hasn't touched you yet.

So

Keep playing while your keys still resonate
Magic.

The ice kept getting thinner
Collapsing underneath
Till there was nowhere else to go
For you and me.
The snow was left
Dying to freeze,
But Winter bowed out bravely
Fighting
Bitter
Cold
When Time came
I looked at you
'On the other side of winter'
You said.
'Is the endless Summer
I will share with you'.
I saw it all
As Summer
Melted the Winter in my heart.
And we said goodbye to what was left
The snow, The Winter
With Hope.

The first moment I saw you
I fell
The second time
I fell
Deeper
Deeper
Deeper
Just by looking at you.
You were beautful,
your hair,
your eyes,
your tiny hands
I fell
Just by looking at you.


I saw you,
My whole world stopped.
Nothing existed,
but
Me and you.
Just me looking at you.
Nothing else,
No sounds
No cares,
No time
No place
Just me looking at you.

I
Born into a broken world
Sent to fight their war
Darkness clothes the sky
My enemy
has no name.
Striking
burnt fields
Ducking
to the ground
Swallow
pain
Survive.
Mud sloshing in boots
Fire brightens
***** faces,
Sweaty animals
My comrades.
Shots fired,
reverie ends
Screams
echo
in foreign land
I mind your warning
‘Come home alive son’
And I will father
Just in time to fight again.

II
Husband’s at war
Keeping others safe
I turn up the music
And wait.

Neighbours got a visit
Army came to say
Son
died
A noble death
Doesn’t stop their tears.

III
You only need
one good shot
To play a round of God
We’re in control
Of life out here
A gun
can seal your fate.

My wife’s at home
Waiting
I write her everyday
I pray I make it
Keep my family safe.

IV
What type of noble death
Is supposed to make it right?
All that’s left
is a flag
Keeping bodies warm
In cold
stone
graves.
Trumpets sound
honour
Shots remember
death
Tears shed
In memory of soldiers
Marching on.
War around us
Life
stopped in time.

V
When I look around
We’re all the same
We each play our part
Small acts
unkind
Paid forward to another.
One day a man is killed
The next his son’s a soldier.
The war inside hearts
Spoken
in hate
Leaving us broken,
Seething,
Hunting
for just cause.
War may take families
Terrorists;
sons,
but
We are all victims.
No one wins a war
Casualties can’t win a fight.

VI
Proud new days
In an old war
Change has come
Political history
Declaring:
‘Yes We Can!’
Can we take it back?
Soldiers
marching to their graves
Does change mean
Past can be rewritten?
The memories
robbed
From families,
Children.
Does change mean
My brother will never fight?
For someone else’s cause
While the world waits
For
Our children
to become
Collateral damage.

It never meant as much to you
As it always will to me.
I stand and watch you walk away
Tail between your legs.
Too weak
to fight for us,
Too small
to set it straight.
I thought you were a better man
The kind to measure all others.
Now I know
you have no more courage
than the love you have for me.
It hurts to know you are aware
I expected more
I got far less.
You came up short,
Left me
Disappointed,
The word the started it all.

Colours painting skies
My eyes are weak with sorrow
Dreams washing away.
New hope in the air
The promise of tomorrow
Eyes closed in soft prayer.