if I had the chance to disappear
I'd be so long gone
outta here
with no tears
or regrets
nor fears

people act like I don't exist
so why not become a living ghost?

I've given all of me away
there's no reason for me
to possibly remain sane

I gave my heart
to the one
who left

what else have I got to lose?

no one cares
unless you're pretty
or dead
but I am none
of those things
I am just me

my heart is shattered
and torn and bruised
all I ever was
was used
by the ones
who never cared

I meant nothing to you
to you, I was a toy
and it seems
you already found
a new one

people shock me
in how easily
they forget me
and how easily
they trick me
into thinking
they care about me
and that they love me

it's all just lies
they couldn't care less
whether I was dead or alive

I mean nothing to anyone
and I'm so used to the feeling
it is beyond sickening
that a person
learns to accept
that she is easily forgotten
easily replaced
easily used
easily hurt
easily destroyed
easily manipulated
easily a victim
to deadly toxins
such as love
and pain

no one should accept this
no one should accept
a dozen heartbreaks
a dozen disappointments

no one should accept the fact
that they are not loved
as much as they love
the ones who
took them
for granted

people never care
unless you're gone
and out of their reach
maybe then they
have some kind of guilt.

I feel like keeping a diary
Or some kind of blog
Whichever keeps me happy
Just to express, perhaps
But in more depth
Than I might show
When I post on this
Just a few thoughts
Nothing much
Mind never stops
Not for anyone
I guess we need it
To properly function
It keeps us working
Sometimes on overdrive
It helps us in ways
No one can deny

Clouded mind
Yet empty space
Filled with thoughts
That stitch me up
When I'm torn apart

It keeps me breathing
It keeps me sane
It keeps me healing
It keeps the pain away

Lightning can't shock me
Wind can't ******* away
I will be happy
Not today
But one day

My poem wasn't about our past
so, there's no need to attack
it was about someone else
who I'm going through
a bit of a rough patch with

writing about you
would be childish
I've done it before
and the aftermath
was a bit sick

I'm not on here to fight you
or to expose your flaws
or your mistakes
because I have many
just as much as yourself

I don't approach you
for good reason
because I mess up
and you think
it's on purpose

not all I write
is about
revenge

I have no bad feelings
well, not anymore
because what we shared
wasn't all bad

I know I say one thing
and act out another
but how I cope
with sadness
is through anger

yes, it sounds crazy
maybe a little strange
but that is how I cope
that's how I keep
myself from
breaking
apart

not many understand me
only I truly know me

Against the wall, we lose it all
And then in bed, we lose our minds
We go insane, but we're in love
Dreaming of heaven
While staring
In each other's eyes
We paid the price
We got the love
But it was more
Than we were dreaming of
It made us feel so **** alive
We wanted to live forever
In the sight of each other
Plan our future, make our way
Onto a brighter tomorrow, today
We took the risks, I'm glad we did
Because now, we're in love, in our bed

2014:

the year I start clean.

the year I take a breath,
of fresh oxygen.

the year I heal my old wounds.

the year I destroy my memory of you.

sensitive to the slightest touch
everything you give me
sends me to the heavens
and all of the above
you consume my time
you consume my brain
you consume my thoughts
the brewing passion
in my thin veins
never seem to fade
you push my buttons
you drive me insane
still I hear myself
repeating your name
when your body
is pressed against mine
your love is beyond
what I can imagine
maybe this is
my own kind
of heaven

is it love?
is it lust?
when you want a guy
biting on your neck
and kissing every inch
of your bare skin
getting chills
down your spine
as he goes further down
intoxicating you with desire
going lower
as it
takes
you
higher
as the moment
makes an impact
on passion's
radar?

ask.fm is a ****** place
website full of kids
sending hate
to sustain
'internet fame'

ha, so lame

before sending me ****
did you ever think of this,
I don't give a single ****?

People complain* that I'm *evil and vain
But even when I'm nice
People complain
Like, explain
What have I done
To you?
If anything
All I have done
Is spoken my mind
If you can't handle that
Don't ask me for the truth
**Simple as pie

heaven
pure heaven

I never celebrate anniversaries
but this means something to me

last month, I met this man
who caught my eye
with a single glance
he stole my heart
captivated my mind
with his incredible thoughts
and those clever words

his charm is heavenly
his sarcasm is ****
those witty comments of his
are what thrill me
makes me wanna love him
against the cold bedroom wall
to spark a little passion
make him forget
that there's anything else
in this world except him and I
and then in the night
cuddle with him
stare into his eyes
remind him every day
how he's my prince
when we kiss underneath the stars
and take long walks with our hands entwined
I'd cherish him forever until he loses his mind
until we're both completely attached

Sometimes sad to the core
Feeling weaker than I felt before
Sometimes I find it hard to breathe
It's like my personal demons are trying

to **** me...

I have moments of everlasting pain
But nobody else can see
Those demons who used to be my friends
They now like to torture and control me

It scares me how I can't control my mind
Drives me to the point of utter insanity
I guess it's all true

My former, friendly demons
Are now trying to destroy me

I got captivated by a smile
Almost nearly ran a mile
Falling wasn't my style
But for you, I'd sacrifice
Me, my heart and I
When you kissed me
I literally smiled
Felt like something
Was going right
In my tragic life
You picked me up
When I was about
To almost drown
In *******

beauty is in her face and eyes
almost sensitive to the touch
loving her is a must
you can't help but love

she makes every day
seem like a breeze
she makes me feel okay
when I'm stuck in a daze
makes me wanna smile
and hold her tight
for the rest of my life

people say it's a crazy thing
seeing someone as your everything
but it's just a thing called love
a blessing in disguise
heaven on earth
bliss from above
she's my angel
for when life gets rough
she makes it all worth
the falls down
she picks me up
from the ground

I could stare into your eyes for a thousand years

keep talking
as I am losing
losing this sanity
you destroy me
emotionally

sticks and stones
break my bones
but your words
cut me in pieces
they bleed me dry
I'm near the sky
on edge of death
are you done yet?

chapter one
we began
chapter two
I lost you, man
chapter three
pled for mercy
chapter four
on the floor
chapter five
I wasn't alive
yet, you smiled
chapter six
you saw death
chapter seven
dragged you from heaven
right down to hell
****** the life
out of your heart
then planned
your funeral
wore a veil
I didn't cry
I smiled
like you did
when I died

Love* was like a *bullet that went in my heart
It made it's way right through my chest
The damage was hard to repair
But I'm still here.

I bet you must be liked
By everyone you meet
I bet people get weak
When they hear you speak
Surely you must captivate them all
I mean, look at you, eyes of an angel
Lips look so soft, can I kiss them?
Your eyes are so beautiful
I could get lost in them
Like I'm in Heaven
In Paradise even

We have a bond
No one will break
Not even the worst
Of times can
Bring us down
We'll hold on tight
And win this fight

Best friends
Through life
And death

Love him so much

Princess of the music scene
some nickname her the Queen
because her voice
captivates a whole nation
of people
from around the world
spreading love and joy
to all the ones who listen
to her songs

That's my sister
a living legend
worked so hard
to get this far
now she's here
after years
she got her claim
to fame

Proud of my sister
I love her

Sometimes I wish
He'd propose
With a boxed
Diamond
Ring

Are we taking it further?
Or continuing
To express our feelings deeper?
I feel like we're stuck
In an abandoned town
Full of
Question Marks.

Popping pills won't help
this tense ache
in my bones
this pressure
inside and within
even upon my skin
I have scars and bruises
all over me
sensitive to touch
because I get weak
everywhere
including my body
Mascara stains
where I last cried
Lipstick smears
on white pillows
where I last tried
to piece myself together
even though inside
I am dead
memories still haunt
and hold me together
a mix of dwelling
and surviving
trying to keep above
the uncontrollable
frustrating weather

I feel like,
I write about,
the same **** thing...

ALL the *time

you are strong
like a diamond
gentle like
pearls
you're
everything
I could wish for
in a friend
completely
selfless
unlike those
who are heartless
you have a personality
that shines through
just like every other
part of you

His sarcasm is on point
Funny as ever
What a smile
Makes me feel
Above the weather

Nothing but negativity
spreads through
my numb body
I can't scream
I can't shout
my emotions
all bottled up
lost my voice
can't seem to speak
feels like I have no choice
but to let my thoughts
consume my mind
and leave them to it
my sanity seems to have faded
self-control, patience
just can't control it
been tested too many times
and I have reached a breaking point
been challenged too often
and now, I feel broken