Hurt* and disappointment
Are two *different things
But they are similar
With *each other

Popping pills won't help
this tense ache
in my bones
this pressure
inside and within
even upon my skin
I have scars and bruises
all over me
sensitive to touch
because I get weak
everywhere
including my body
Mascara stains
where I last cried
Lipstick smears
on white pillows
where I last tried
to piece myself together
even though inside
I am dead
memories still haunt
and hold me together
a mix of dwelling
and surviving
trying to keep above
the uncontrollable
frustrating weather

Love in the dark
Is what I like best
Passion is on point
No need for exams
Or stupid tests
This is truly
For keeps

like cigarettes
you're addictive as hell

like the alcohol in my glass
you make me feel so well

your presence

soothes

my soul

your touch
makes me

lose

**control

Losing you was hard
but Alice
you have found
Wonderland

Temporary feelings
Developed
Into something
Extreme

It developed
Into love
A strong kind too
I can feel the electric connection
Every time we touch
Can you see the sparks?
When it's just me and you
I can seem them
But mostly
I see you

It's been a while since I've written
Not as creative when I'm not ridden
Ridden with emotion, feeling explosion
Not as creative when my eyes are open
Open by clarity, love and insanity
I'm pretty sure this poem *****
But oh well, gold will soon emerge
From the ruins of creativity
The little glow inside of me

That scar on my heart
Was created by you
That night we fell apart
I didn't know what to do
Whether to hold on
Or to let go
Or to let you in
Inside my mind
My heart, my thoughts
Wondering if it was true love
Maybe a hint of twisted lust
Or a need for security
From the one I loved
That I needed
Breath in
Breath out
Will you be mine?
We'll see how this goes.

Finals are such a *****
I don't wanna leave college
Hanging on by a thread
Pardon the pun
Excuse the language
But I am nervous
Don't wanna leave
This wonderful place
Where my heart found peace
For the past three and a half years

I used to believe that happiness was in
gaining a love, gaining security
gaining hope from within

but the longer I live
the more I lose touch
with what I used to believe
and what I once thought
was the right things in life
the best of them all
but everyone suffers
temporary or permanent
life changing downfalls

and we all grieve
at some point in life
either the loss of ourselves
or the loss of loved ones
we all feel and will feel
endless bouts of pain
sharp pains that can feel
like strangulation
or self-inflicted
times of illusion

misguided thoughts
and moments of weakness
psychotic rages
and times of
confusion

I have felt so much in a short space of time
it is hard to believe that I am somewhat 'fine'
the amount of trauma sustained
from the painful migraines
the way it felt like someone
squeezing and pressuring my head
the way it felt like my brain
was going to explode
at some known time and place
the way it felt like system malfunction
was taking it's course of faith
how it took so much away from my life

people say strong people never feel pain
and that they have no reason
to feel anything but joy
well those people are wrong
because I was once strong

and look what the **** happened
depression took over my soul
and stripped me of my voice
it broke me to the point
of almost shooting myself
in the head with a gun
that's what my dreams
always consisted of
suicide and a loss of pride
a loss of consciousness
felt like someone was
controlling my heart
poking holes
and making me bleed
until I was seeing stars
even if I was behind doors
my mind made me delusional
made me drift away from reality
I'm still not myself at all
not functioning properly

I don't sleep anymore
not even drugs are a cure
not even *** stimulates
my naked body is a disgrace
when I look in the mirror
I can imagine it shatter

my whole sense of view
about everything of me
is honestly the worst
there is no in-between
sometimes I wonder
if life will ever get
as good as it once was

that chapter of my life
is still yet un-explored
but I picture it
in my head
all the time

Our love is laid bare
It's always here
Every kiss
Every gaze
Is enough
To keep me smiling
For endless days
Your bed is my happy place
Cuddles until the sun shines
Something rare and sweet
You sweep me off my feet

You're breathing art
Every moment
Is in tact
Wrapped up
In sweet love
You, I dreamt of
And got to hold
Who cares
About
American dreams
Love is above
And beyond all
For you
I'd take the fall
Because I know
You would too
Spent my life
Looking for bliss
I found happiness
In your eyes
In your touch
In your arms
In your I love you's
And electric charm

Some people **** me off
On a daily basis
I'm like, **** girl
You're so ******* basic
With your name calling
And your dumb games
******* friendships up
With those mean tricks

I mean, who are you kidding?
That ain't nice, darling
Picking up rocks
And ditching diamonds
I'm like, what are you doing?

You're trying to be cooler
But the truth is
You could never
You're too basic
For your own health
I suggest
You take those ego pills
Guess what?
I think you're full of it
Trying to be smart
But you ain't ****
You might think you have won
But honey, I'm gonna be the one winnin'

People made me feel so empty
People made me feel so lost

People made me feel ugly
They filled me with self hate

And now I cry when I hear a song on the radio
That reminds me of the love that I lost long ago

And now I cry when I see friends holding hands
Reminding me of the ones I have loved and lost

I have never felt like I belonged anywhere
People called me names and pushed me away
Made me feel like I was to blame...

I have never felt any true love
Neither physical or emotional

No one ever made me feel fine
No one ever made me feel like
I had someone to call my own
No one ever truly stayed here
So now I drown my sorrows in
My tears that I've been savin'
Here

Lips like sugar, you taste so sweet
your touch makes me feel complete
you cause my heart to skip a beat
every time you pull me close
when we kiss and hug

I can't help but, to stare and smile
every time you hold me down
to our couch of love
it's not my fault I fell so hard
you're so hot and perfect
like the finest piece of art

Text message made me hyper
Especially when it's from her

Our relationship wasn't perfect
But I would be yours again
In a single heartbeat
You were a ****
Cheated on me
But I'll forgive
And give us
A second chance
At true love

You are perfect
Despite of your flaws
And let's be honest
I get lost in your blue eyes

Your love was sweet
I was hooked
From the first taste
I was addicted
Didn't want it
To go to waste

It was a bitter pill
That I wanted to swallow
But now, I regret
Ever taking that risk
Because now, I feel sick
The pain won't go away today
Or even tomorrow.

Sometimes sad to the core
Feeling weaker than I felt before
Sometimes I find it hard to breathe
It's like my personal demons are trying

to **** me...

I have moments of everlasting pain
But nobody else can see
Those demons who used to be my friends
They now like to torture and control me

It scares me how I can't control my mind
Drives me to the point of utter insanity
I guess it's all true

My former, friendly demons
Are now trying to destroy me

Dark lipstick on his neck
From where I made my mark
Kissing sessions, full of passion
His kisses are my greatest addiction

Holding hands, in the night
Cuddles as we light up
Our cigarettes

if I had the chance to disappear
I'd be so long gone
outta here
with no tears
or regrets
nor fears

people act like I don't exist
so why not become a living ghost?

I've given all of me away
there's no reason for me
to possibly remain sane

I gave my heart
to the one
who left

what else have I got to lose?

no one cares
unless you're pretty
or dead
but I am none
of those things
I am just me

my heart is shattered
and torn and bruised
all I ever was
was used
by the ones
who never cared

I meant nothing to you
to you, I was a toy
and it seems
you already found
a new one

people shock me
in how easily
they forget me
and how easily
they trick me
into thinking
they care about me
and that they love me

it's all just lies
they couldn't care less
whether I was dead or alive

I mean nothing to anyone
and I'm so used to the feeling
it is beyond sickening
that a person
learns to accept
that she is easily forgotten
easily replaced
easily used
easily hurt
easily destroyed
easily manipulated
easily a victim
to deadly toxins
such as love
and pain

no one should accept this
no one should accept
a dozen heartbreaks
a dozen disappointments

no one should accept the fact
that they are not loved
as much as they love
the ones who
took them
for granted

people never care
unless you're gone
and out of their reach
maybe then they
have some kind of guilt.

Sometimes I wish you would give me a call
Maybe give me a sign, a little signal
It's cold here without your warmness
It fills the room with an airy breeze

I never celebrate anniversaries
but this means something to me

last month, I met this man
who caught my eye
with a single glance
he stole my heart
captivated my mind
with his incredible thoughts
and those clever words

his charm is heavenly
his sarcasm is ****
those witty comments of his
are what thrill me
makes me wanna love him
against the cold bedroom wall
to spark a little passion
make him forget
that there's anything else
in this world except him and I
and then in the night
cuddle with him
stare into his eyes
remind him every day
how he's my prince
when we kiss underneath the stars
and take long walks with our hands entwined
I'd cherish him forever until he loses his mind
until we're both completely attached

The thought of seeing your face today
is enough to make me smile with joy
not sure if you even still like me
but your words say the truth
and I know it's going to be
a very beautiful day
to be alive and sane
and to be insane
with lovely hope
and maybe
bittersweet
intense thoughts
of the one I
haven't seen
in all these months
I hope you like me
just as much as I
like your face

Officially a week
Feeling weak
As a stick
People shoot
People aim
Yet, I'm to blame
Don't worry
I'm used to it