People are like knives,
cutting into me,
with their every word.
They know where it really hurts.

They stab where I easily bleed,
I feel like I maybe will relapse,
but I'm trying to see beyond,
beyond the words and the abuse,
but death is always my daily muse.

Even when I'm here, I feel dead inside,
but I'm trying to make it through,
because I love the people in my life,
but the pain, it makes a mark on my little heart,
I'm trying so hard to make it all work,
but people like taking stones and throwing hard,
until they strike me and others applaud.

I feel sick to the very core of it all,
how can you hurt such a fragile girl?
who could never even **** a fly,
you know it hurts and I'm scarred for life,
but still, you wanna destroy me,
and I really don't know why.

Triggered is a small word,
but ****, I wanna cut deep,
I really have an urge to bleed,
but I'm trying to write myself to sleep.

You might hide behind a computer screen,
and hurt me with the words you say,
but you're a coward, I can tell,
and guess who's going to hell?

YOU.

I'll just protect myself,
and watch your power fade.
You won't **** me, I won't let you,
Karma is a ***** & she'll find you too.

There was once this girl I liked.
I liked her so much,
it made me lose my breath,
every time we talked.

Yes, she was that incredible..

But, there was a few things I didn't like,
her lack of emotion when it came to feelings,
how she always used to press my buttons,
just to get a reaction,
how she lead me on,
just to break me down.

A true player, she broke hearts for fun,
just to cheer herself up when she felt down in the dumps,
she ******* up quite a few people's hearts.

I remember the first time I spoke to this girl,
she seemed nice at first, until,
her mood became worse.

It came to the point where we used to fight,
and have this certain distance for weeks,
she always said she was 'done',
then weeks later, she'd come back around,
saying she was sorry and that she felt dumb.

This happened on many occasions,
but even at her worst,
she was still the best,
in my blinded eyes.

This behavior went on for years,
and while I was swallowing my tears,
she was showing her smiles.

Cruel was an understatement.
She knew how I felt,
and made fun of,
my feelings.

The girl I loved, played with my heart,
and I was too blind to see,
this wasn't the one for me.
But, I gave her a chance,
hoping she'd change,
wow, I was wrong,
but, I couldn't move on,
at that point in time.

She broke hearts for the thrill of it,
how sick is that?
Too mean.
But I'm done.

Y'know, when we first spoke,
her plan was to make me fall,
her plan was to lead me on,
and then break my heart.

But guess what?
Her plan failed.
She, herself, fell in love.
And couldn't cope with that,
so she ignored me for weeks,
but came back always,
because she missed me that much.

The player failed at her own game.
Instead, she fell in love,
with the one she wanted to break,
and after that, she sorta 'changed' her ways.

Until, six days ago.
The ex who I tried to keep,
as a best friend,
she gave up on me again.

Wondering why I act so surprised...
I knew this would happen,
but at what time?
I never knew.

I guess a part of me wants her in my life,
but as a friend.
Just wish our friendship,
wouldn't always end/re-mend.

Some friends are hard to be around,
feels like the old connection is gone,
like, you're with a stranger in a room,
and all you can do is try your best,
to make that work out.
If you can't,
then I guess,
that friend,
you have to live,
without.

Save your words and be gone.
Don't let me hold on.


U      
  G    
      H   

I'm too strong,
yet too weak,
that I need,
and I feed,
on,
your,
love.

You are my drug.

It's like I can live without it,
but my mind would fail me,
in a certain moment,
of time,
I would,
eventually,
lose my mind.

This poem makes no sense,
neither does my life,
or the recovery process,
which I'm trying to 'possess'.

I am such a

MESS.

What am I trying to express?
I have no idea.
I guess we all need a space,
to vent and take that weight off our chest,
so it doesn't end up breaking our necks,
from the pressure in our hearts, bones & veins.

Again, this makes no sense,
so excuse the mess of this,
this poem I am trying to write,
using the thoughts of my messed up mind,
which is the reason, for this poem,
which is a mix of lovely & ugly.

  Messy poetry.
By me.

Sorry,
but,
maybe,
not sorry.

Excuse my lack of sense,
I just needed to get these thoughts,
out of my crazy mind.