The way love tortured me, I was still fighting and it still made me happy. Gave in to go out and drink. Hate me, love me, *** with me. All that work to feel nothing. But I was still feeling something. She'd move on, false hope got me wrong. I'd black out on purpose to not feel it. Last night I was the dumbest and that's something I strongly admit. It's a shame I don't remember it.
Been a couple years now, been over a year since I moved out. Dating tough, being attractive is rough. I get ignored a lot, regret that I ever fought. Sleep deprived again eyes going blood shot. What was going on today? I forgot.
One day I'll be appreciated as far as I know. I've got real homies by my side and it shows.
I'm a change because I reread some of my messages. Life's tough and I get it.
She's not worth it bub, calm down and hush.
She won't speak up. Won't even make time for you. Now you're to drop it all. **** it don't need another drunk call.

Tried to be self medicated, found myself not motivated. Look I have no idea what I've created. No way of understanding, use to feel outstanding. I don't reconize that man, grab my hand. Take me to a safe place. Tear drops and alcohol running down my face. Heart pounding I think I need a relief. Something that cuts deep. This is something I try to get use to. The disappearance of humanity gave me some kind of anxiety. Wish this wasn't consuming me. The never ending feeling of pressure when I ugly cry. Next thing you know I wake up to the sunlight from the sky. What the hell happened to me?
Where is my help, suffering alone with mental health. I've got no room and I feel as if it's all rushing me.

Hush darling don't you cry. Please remember to breathe I'm a write you your personal lullaby. I know how it works, we both have seen some **** before. You and I are unique. Together we both descovered that toxic **** because we've been down beneath. Feels like we're in to deep, come here honey I'm hug you till your safely asleep. You forget to recognize how amazing your personality is, I'm grab you and remind you we'll rule that petty world. You're everything girl. Hush now, I'm speak sofly and I'll keep it down. I'm keep you safe and sound.

It was my fist day, i wore a white T dark jeans, some converse. I was a freshman just wanting to look fly. before i knew it i was going around looking like a fool. By the second year my sophomore year i just wanted class too look more then fly. Things were done that i wasn't to proud of but i got my first job. by the time i was a junior i was working full time at a hotel, just not caring what my class thinks of me. All i wanted was to help i use to have tears rushing down my face saying i hate this place. Now I am a senior ready for the walk, ready to start a new life. I am scared i am happy i will miss this all. i cant tell you how your gonna turn out but whatever you do, just cherish the moments because in a blink of an eye you will be a senior. I had a lot of good and bads, laughed a lot, cried a lot. but being angry at whatever it is or being proud of an achievement is precious. you and your peers should stick together because soon enough you or your peers need to seek help or did seek help and i would rather be in debt helping someone get by rather then having them suffer alone. you don't have to help but it is more then appreciated to stick up for someone rather then walk the line with your cool or precious money or scholarship pretending it was all about you when really its all about the people around you. I am a 19 year senior class of 2015, this is to all the kids who suffered a lot and i hope for the best. just don't give up or don't choose the easy way out because the ones who suffer the most turn out to be the most successful so just be patient and things will eventually be okay.

We're all different, yet we have a lot in common. We fight the cold with fire, but others call it burning bridges. I guess there's a difference.

Its funny how it was the past and feels so odd and feels like time has stopped. felt like time didn't even wanna exist. Now I'm crying so i sent a kiss. Why does this have to go, I'm a hyperventilate and now my bodies cold. I take any object or challenge you throw at me. I cry a lot in pain with sorrow now in agony. This love is my all and only hope

As long as if i don't suffer any more pain, I know in the longer run I'll be okay. Not like everyone will be the same. Just always a new wave. Rounds after another one, I pour some then I'm done. Lost too much before, had to start all over. Don't want this on anyone else.

I just don't care,tears evaporate in the air. I'm A punch out, put enough time now my heads in the clouds. Storms & lightning flashing. Hungry so I'm door dashing. But lost appetite I don't need to make A flyer. Just climbing for the views so I'm A get higher. My brain storms intense but yet can't keep a thought. I think of some good but I forgot. Now times ticking but I avoid glancing at the clock. I've been told I got potential. In all honesty it started off with A pencil. I doodled on pages. But mama's homie told her im just searching for changes.that idiot said they're just phases. I just about lost my mind. I tell myself keep writing things will take time. Wish I would of been able to rewind. So I can replay my flaws to keep the success to shine. This moment will be forever mine. Page after page. Now I'm awake. Never meant to snooze now I'm A stay woke. Wish I never struggle being broke. I can only hope. Picking A field full of wishies put my sanity out of control. But I don't care what anyone thinks, working on me, this is my personality, who else is trying to be happy. If I don't have anyone to love atleast I have me. I'm not even sickening. I'm just always over thinking. I break because **** gets overwhelming. Cleaning out my truck to sleep, cup of noodles to eat, hot tea to drink. Below zero outside but I learned how to chill and sleep. I don't care because I'll always have me.

My eyes don't see past this tunnel of silence, but the tears silenced through this tunnel. It's peaceful and I'm still pretty anxious. Can't tell if this is a sign or a blessing. I'm pretty cautious but I'm also good at forgetting. If I had my way, I'd not change a direction on my map, there is now way of bringing or changing the past behind my back. **** a episode I do this feel like binging these manic moments. I'd rather be somewhere happier for me to forever enjoy it. The past gave me the power of strength and weakness. It's up to me to find self forgiveness. I'm trying to find a new direction and I'm running low on cigarettes. As long as I keep busy I guess I can be careless.

If there is a possibility I dont wanna know, not ever. I want these feelings to go. You've hurt me too close to home. Where'd life go? I dont know. I'm all alone.
It's my time to find me, because I dont recognize my own reflection.
I've got to make myself fall so I remember the old me. Get back up, on the search for self love. One day I'll be happy again. But for now I splitting flesh open. Treating myself first aid, in need of a new bandaid. Time to let the healing process begin.