I explained my thoughts. I cried while doing so. I plainly said,
“I was afraid.”
“Get it over with,” you said. “I’d be mad, but it's only for a while. Only you can live with it.”

How do I live with myself when I live in fear? When everyday of my childhood, you made avoidance look easy. You never accepted and saw the underlying reason. “Its bad. So don’t do it.”

That simple right?

And the shouting began.

I'd rather live with my lies than deal with your truth. Your truth consist of beating the topic to death. Forgive and forget you say? Where was that after I said sorry? When months, years pass by?

But you’re still mad.

And I am still afraid.

I am so cold right now. It's chilly, the shivers that travel through my body. Sometimes I think winter never left. Or it's possible I never left winter. I thought that snow was the best. A winter birthday that would leave the fire roaring. Now, as I see my breath taking away my warmth, I miss the
I wish that
If possible
Someone could warm up the embers inside me

It's summer now. I can only exist in extremes. Please someone turn the heat on the 80 degree weather. Five months of winter here and still. Winter always leaves an imprint. I never forget. I can’t. These cold hands my body’s method to conserve heat. If only my heart knew to relax. To realize
I have enough
Dont worry, there’s enough of me to go around

This is the most confusing life I've ever lived,
I keep chasing myself every second of every day
just to figure out what I'm doing,
The goal seems irrelevant when compared to self-hood,
Yet I'm willing to throw that away for the sake of living