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 Dec 2012 Nathan Vienneau
Sea
fighting against something

that may or may not be meant

to happen is a pointless endeavor.

I have always enjoyed putting

myself up for something that very,

very easily could have me totally

shot the ****

down.
He is in love with questions
And the lilting world of words,
With the fabric of philosophy
And the taste of fresh ideas.

He is in love with the smell of green
And the shifting sands of dreams,
With the hunt for profound moments
And the hunger-lust for purpose.

He is in love with his books
And the zodiacs cross the planet,
With patterns of chain reactions
And the way we cog and gear.

He is in love with pools of stardust
And fanciful notions of theory,
With darkness, deep and coveted
And the fabric it is made from.

He is in love with one who left
And the poisoned past he bathes in,
With being perpetually lonesome
And floating twixt life’s sabulous banks.

He is in love with memories, and the universe,
And nobody else.

With my choking heart, I’m grasping at dust,
And I am in love with him.
11/20/12
we were just small children so we didn’t quite understand what father meant when he said

“mother is sad”

we continued our games and make believe stories and waited for mother to be happy

and when we were young, sad just meant someone stepped on your picture

or they ruined your sand castle


and in 2 seconds it was over

the deeper I fall into my depression I find my mother
I find her ghouls and her ghosts
her corpses

I find her dark eyes in my dark eyes every time I look in the mirror
and I find her hatred for everything, including me

I find new ways to torture myself
my mother

“you have your mothers eyes”


we also have the same disease

the only difference is, her demons won
mine don’t stand a chance
I am a man.
I am one of two sexes, I am made with Y’s and X’s.
I have two hands, and two shoes
My skin is a shade of tan,
against two eyes, a little darker than most,
to see right through.
I am a man.  I am destined to like the colour blue. and I do.
Black hair, thick frame, brown eyes
My ***** is average sized, or so Google has told me,
defining and aligning my masculinity to the length of a certain body ***** that almost no ones sees,
It only makes sense.

I am a man, after all.
And I understand the part of the debt that I owe.
I pay my attention to the fighters who guard things I fought to know.
With that knowledge they hold in the throes of their quotes
take note.
And beware,
because creatively,  I will so rudely steal away ideas you’ve owned.
Seeing that feeling reeling in your frontal lobe,
gripping it and IV dripping it into my bones.
And then I will break them, seam after seam
sprinting through dusty rocks and skipping stones in my bloodstream.
Eroding my veins with it’s electricity.
****, I am a man.
I walk, like I lead with my chest and
I talk, like I lead with my head
but my lips lead with what I’ve already said
So I, dust off the dirt of another loss
like I’m coming back from the dead.
I can speak. I speak like you are my foundation, that I am building my words against your brains
training myself to speak in beauty
and praying not to speak in vain.
But I am only a man.

and I am a hypocrite,
I’ve fallen victim to ripping images from television
and I can feel them chipping the paint,
as if stripping my brain was the ultimatum in my struggle to self sustain.
I am a hypocrite.
Because I tell myself that I am better. that I am so different.
but I guess I, pay too much attention to this hipster ****
and taking too much time to find that my tragic flaw was my indifference.
cause everything I’ve tried to hold on to so tightly, was rubbing away at my fingerprints.

I will atone for my ignorance.
I am atoning for my ignorance.
Every thought I taste
Every day I waste is a prayer of sincerity
Not a prayer of repentance, No.
not just yet

and I am a man with a chant, with a mantra
sounding like

I wanna be somebody, I wanna be somebody, I want to be somebody
Honest
Because honesty
I just want to engage it...
putting a 3 carat ring on it’s finger,
committing myself to its promises, and marrying it wild
i want to puke truth like a child
Or rather
I want to nurse the truth back to health make it fall in love with me,
and when it runs away
i want it to return like a dove to me.
like 40 days, running deep as a flood to me,
I want it to sing to me
Because then you can hear God understand who you are, and she hears me perfectly
defining and aligning my masculinity to the strength of my heart,
which almost no one sees
it’s only making sense.

and you have to understand, my personalities ***** is...huge.
like, that rumour about Asians is just so untrue.
because in the lyrical bedroom my rhythms are smoother than chocolate fondue
and I’ll make love to our intellect in positions that are considered taboo
until neither of our mind’s bodies can become unglued
but I digress

I am something more potent than my style of prose
I fill out more body than I have in my clothes
so don’t talk until you walked in the tread of my soul
I am a man that is far too much for a social role
I am a man, I am a man, I am a man, I am a

Man, I want to give back my manliness, in exchange for godliness
and i’ll go ahead and give up a pretentious thought, or maybe even two
and i guess i’ll toss in that childhood too
in goes those high school years I faked my way through
and i’ll go ahead and give up my skewed world view
because in lieu
of every limit I set on myself and what I can do

I must repeat the mantra out loud
If you would please look into me, I’d be pleased to look into you.
The archaic knowledge
The old truths of sages
Long gone and past
Still have a lot of wisdom
Especially in todays times
We live in a world where
People are more disconnected
Than they have ever been
We live with disease and wars
People stealing and killing
Living with hatred and lost
In the cold without a place
To stay and a friendly face
To see for miles and miles
Living in a pavement jungle
Not knowing which way
We are truly going
Just wondering without
Direction or hope
Just floating a long
Without any type
Of mooring to graft to
The sages of old
Talked about the
Interconnectedness
Of everything in the
Universe and everything
Comes from God and spirit
There is a world beyond the
Physical and the material
That supercedes all
Material thought and
Consciousness just beyond
The veil of knowledge and
Intuition that ultimately springs
From the source of the universe
If we are to move forward we
Must not take the God out of
Equation when it comes to science
Or understanding the universe
Or trying to interpret our world
Or how we even fit into it
If you remove God from the
Universe and the equation
All together you are denying
Existence and everything in it
The old sages used to say that
We shouldn't harm another being
We should respect our planet
Respecting our mother and
Respecting spirit and each other
Respecting  nature and the animals
Respecting the whole of everything
Living in peace and harmony with
Everything and following the order
Of the world instead of trying to
Change or to alter it
We need to get back to this understanding
If we are truly going to move past
The separation we feel with ourselves
And with nature and even with our planet
We somehow think we are separate or
Somehow better than the plants or the
Animals as if somehow they are expandable
Not understanding or seeing the true spirit
That lives and breathes in all living things
If we did we couldn't even do half of the things
We do to our animal brethren on this planet
If we could understand and see the spirit
And the beautiful life and light in us all
We could never do half of the things
We do to each other out of hate and anger
We commit atrocity after atrocity
Thinking that somehow these
People are separate or different
From us they aren't the same
They are lesser than us so
We can treat them however
We want and not have any
Thought about it after
Ultimately even if you try
To justify these actions there
Is no true justification for
The ****** or slaughter
Of people simply based
Off of false fears and prejudices
And anger that boils up inside
No life should ever be forfeit for
Any reason whatsoever
There is no such thing
As a justified death or a
Justified ****** or a
Justified war that ultimately
Kills and destroys everything
In its sight leaving nothing
Behind for any body to
Ultimately take or claim
In the end once they are done
The sages used to say that love
Is the key to the universe and
And that light and love removes
All darkness in the world
Living with universal love
In your heart and being
Able to exude love from
Your breathe and from
Your pores and breathing
In love and light and healing
And passing it to every one
Around you and transmitting
It into the universe as well
Sharing love for the world
Sharing love for the life you live
Sharing love for the people who
Haven't found the light yet
Being able to love your enemies
Because you can see a piece of
Yourself inside of their hearts
And ultimately inside of their souls
Feeling ultimate joy and happiness
At the simple fact of living
Reveling in each moment
Being completely in yourself
Feeling that divine love and
Connection to everything
And feeling the universe
And everything in it
Sitting in your heart and
Being poured out through
Your thoughts and mind
As you float through space
And time sharing love and
Light and healing to as many
People as possible before you
Return to the source again where
You join in the union with the source
And with God and the universe
Where you join the ever lasting
Knowing and truth of the cosmos
Only to return to do it all over again
Bringing as many people to the light
Guiding souls with love and comfort
Guiding them into the ever lasting light
Imbuing Gods love and grace and
Showing the way through example
We need to get back to this universal love
And knowledge so that we know it in our
Hearts and we know it in our minds
There is a lot of hate going around
But there is not as much love
We tend to ostracize certain people
Or even judge people and see them as
Somehow different or worst because
Of where they are at in life or even
Because of the position they are in
We need to be able to feel and breathe
That love and light for everything
Being able to truly love ourselves
Loving our position in life
Loving our bodies and everything
That comes with but more than anything
Learning how to love everyone regardless
Of who or what they happen to be no matter
How far they might have fallen there is never
Anyone that doesn't deserve to be healed or
Loved or saved in some way and when we come
To this greatest realization and sharing and feeling
The love we will begin to understand and see just how
Beautiful and wonderful a place we live in and what
A special time it is to be alive and living in peace
And harmony with everyone and everything
And learning how to love in more whole ways
Spreading the love and light through the Earth
Until a wave of love and light sweeps over us
And peace and love become all we know
We just have to get back to those old archaic truths
That the sages knew a along time ago
My senses once again fail me
In this wooded place

My eyesight left long ago,
Leaving me to fall on my face

My sense of smell quickly left the building,
Though the flora produced such sweet scents

My hearing went soon after,
Allowing me to sit, and lament

My sense of taste followed suit,
I tried to eat some blackberry's but flavor they lacked

Not long after that,
My sense of feeling came and went,
The rain was feeling oh so soothing

Now I am senseless,
But that's what I get for singly
Coming to this place.
[I stayed up all night and watched the Leonids meteor shower]

We stayed up two nights
watched by Orion
winked at by
the glittering falling
tears of Leo

Trembling to the bone
but was not satisfied
with our soup of sky

Began home
with jazz on the radio
drifting in and out
the last morsel
of consciousness

Our vision hesitating
before jumping off
Everything scrambled eggs

Lost in dark
endless space
of mind
fell asleep
a thousand years
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