Growth is painful.
Change is painful.
But nothing is as painful as  staying stuck somewhere your not happy.
So I fall.
I rise.
I make mistakes.
I live.
I learn.
But I move on,
In hopes for the future.
For when the joys of life take hold.
The pains of the past will seem like a long forgotten dream.
So in hopes to keep themselves from worse unneeded pain.
One must learn.
To step away.
And relize.
That as it hurts now,
Is nothing compared to the pain you escaped from.
So as a goodbye.
I send this to you.
To show you,
That there is more out there than what your eyes can see.
You just need to move forward to the joys of the future.
And forget the painful dream of the past.

I ask of you,
Forgiveness beyond any other
For as I stand,
Oppon this broken earth
I fear of my past
Of my present
And the future I throw away
For I have sinned
Red stains my hands
‘Defence is justified’
But is it really?
Yes, he sinned first,
But do I truly have the right?
To take one's life?
‘An eye for an eye’
A life for a life
But mine is unfit
*****...
Sick...
It does not hold value
In this broken world
Where little light escapes
So I ask you,
As I take the step
Am I worthy of forgiveness?
I took a life,
In order to keep a choice
A choice I would of saved for my one and only.
But does that choice mean as much as a life?
Yes I was scared
Yes I was attacked.
Yes he sinned first
But my crime weighs more
So I ask for you to listen
And forgive.
Not of me.
But of him.
For I have taken a choice from him.
As he was going to do of me.
But as he was going to take a choice of body.
I took his choice of life.
I am filthy
Tainted
I do not deserve your presence
But please.
As I give my choice of life
In place of his
To forgive him.
For he was lost
And alone.
Like we were  once
So as I take the step into the air
I thank you
For listening
And I hope
That one day
One will do the same for you
As you have done for me
So Thank You.

It started with once a week.
"Just to calm my nerves"
Then twice a week.
"Not a big deal."
Thrice
"I'm fine"
Everyday.
Twice a day
"I'll be ok," you say "I only light up once in a while"
Since when dose  five times a day equal to once in a while?
"Im not like them" you say
But you are
Running,
Hiding,
Pushing it all away,
Just like them.
Then you stoped hiding behind the smoke.
You act happy
You pretend you're better
Fooling some, fooling yourself, but to me your crystal clear.
You're far from better
You stopped smoking.
But what of those marks?
Like rivers up your arm.
Paranoid you've become
"More" is your only care
You'll never catch the dragon
You're falling
Drowning
Dying
Outside showing your inner dread
The hunger is consuming you
Hiding it is no longer an option
Your mother is a mess, whose all alone
Your father, long dead
Friends stopped calling
So please wake up
We need you
I need you
So please
Kick this addiction
Tackle your demons
Now I'm starting to drown along side of you
I miss you, I need you
So please
Come home
I won't judge
I just want you whole again
Please...
Try again
Please...
Before we both slip away

The blackness calls to me.
On days like this
When my heart
Beats so irregular within my chest
My heartbeat.
The pulsing, throbbing… thing...
Feels so foreign, sometimes
Like it just doesn't belong there
Like it doesn't really belong to me
Like it's trying to get out
And on days like this
I begin to understand why
My ribs, are a cage
And I sink
Further into the shadows
Where no one sees me.
My heart beats, regardless
Through the nonsense
As I listen.
But never speak.
For, who would listen?
To someone who has the word to say what no other will.
But they wouldn't listen even if they knew
So I listen, in the shadows.
Trying to decipher what ails it now
And my mind wanders
You see...
...my mind...
...has a mind of its own sometimes...
And it wanders, to unknown lands.
These places of emotion.
Confusion
Sadness
Content.
And my ever favorite; Anger.
As I wonder, listening to others.
What it'll take, to snap me out of my reverie.
I stand here, in the shadows.
As my heart beats
On days like this...
I watch,
As others join me in the shadows.
All silent voices,
Secret beating hearts in cages.
With wandering minds.
And we listen to the nonsense together.
A silent army of fading lives.
On a day like this…
I understand the anger
On a day like this…
My heart stops fighting.
And another unheard voice fades away.
On a day like this…
The blackness calls me.