He met a girl called Mary Jane
she made his fears become
either ghostly apparitions
or waking nightmares
he didn't prefer one over the other
he knew that there was no difference
He met this girl
the summer before ninth grade
and she showed him a life
full of unseen wonders
the beauty of apathy and laziness
He didn't need anybody else
only that beautiful girl
she made him good,
made him better,
made him calm,
made him him
Dancing beneath a flickering street light
he soaked in the peace of the world
until it rose above him
a shaking mass of bleak nothing
which at least hid the world
of even bleaker negativity
Mary Jane was a good girl
but he had outgrown her sway
he would miss her
but truthfully,
he also
would not

I got drunk last night
Celebrating my birthday
One friend
Hospitalized
Another almost arrested
Another sick as a dog
Another hanging out the window

The next day
Apathy struck
The will to live
All but gone
Eating ******
College cafeteria food
And discussing
Our lives,
We came to two conclusions
Our lives were bad
And that didn't matter
Because nothing matters

She walked in from the street
windswept,
she had come close to breaking
everything in the outside
weighing down upon her
with every passing second
expectations
clashing
with reality
leaving her cracked
and those cracks told her story
with no falsity
it was plain and simple
and he traced the cracks
with his own yellowed fingers
smiling at her
enjoying the tale
enjoying her
not wanting to save her
or fix her
just wanting to keep her
keep her
as she is

Look at you
you little ***** bird
hopping on nimble legs
between the outside tables
of that coffee shop
that I like to write in
you dart this way
and that
with a fluid grace
which reminds me
of the body of a beautiful woman
you little ***** bird
picking up crumbs of bagel
from the cracks in the ***** pavement
taking cigarette butts
back to your nest
where ever that is
Monroe park maybe?
oh ***** little bird
I admire you
for being able to possess
such a natural beauty
in the midst of this city

...He never took the
chance to say I
love you...
Hanging words
in an unspoken
conversation
Words
that were suppose to
rekindle
old flames to start a
new fire
What he felt was
never heard
Discontented
by the remnants of an
undisturbed
candle lit dinner
Regrets
can only wait
for another time
hoping for second
chances...

if you looked at my shoulders and my wrists
and how broadly they are set
how far from delicate and fragile
or if you looked and the thickness of my waist
and the heft of my weight
i doubt you would expect me to be this breakable
i certainly didnt
the truth is i dont really know if i am
im too afraid to let anyone close enough to try
the last person who molded me in their hands like clay left gouges where my organs should be
and a dozen half moon scars on my arms
and i am afraid to let anyone touch me again
even if they claim its to smooth out my cracks and gashes
im trying to seal them up myself
but i cant reach them all
my arms are only so long and when i try to reach the deep ones
the shallow ones crack open again
i dont know if i was poured into the wrong mold
or just made of the wrong clay
maybe i just got broken and glued back together wrong
i wonder if any of my pieces went missing

We climbed under bed sheets in our day clothes
and I remembered how soaked my moccasins were
thinking of the salt stains that would soon be there
and how pretty you looked when your eyes were closed

My eyes fought exhaustion with drooping lids
and I drank black coffee like I needed it to live
we washed away our secrets from the day in muddled whispers
and soon decided to go for a cigarette

Climbing out of bed like skeletons from coffins
Dressing for the weather in hats and jackets with boots
We ran across the street and almost slipped on the ice
six times

In the back yard of an old abandoned house
We stood facing the the water
I could swear you were changing
beneath the street lights and heavy breathing

It’s time for me to let go of this
but I don’t know if I’m strong enough
I’m worried that this won’t be good for you
I just can’t keep doing this to myself