For all the years
I've been living
Never once have I shared love
With a boy
For all those years
I've been thinking
That I'll be fine without love
Or a boy
Nineteen years now
I've lived in this world
Somehow suddenly
I do feel the need of love
To love someone
and being loved
Sharing stories
Giving inspirations
Getting motivations
When will I feel the love?
Because sometimes
I feel that love does not even exist
I feel left out
When almost everyone had felt the love
Puppy love
Happy or sad
At least they have experienced it
Holding hands
Knowing that they are loved

Does love exist?

Raindrops fall from the sky
The colour of the sky was blue
Teardrops fall, I cry
So tired of being blue

Crying in the rain
So they'll never see me in pain
Watching the rain wash away
But not my emotions, no way

I wished to wear a crown
Not to be their clown
Why can't they see me like "woah"
Instead of "ohh"

I am not as tough as you can see
I can't be strong as I wanna be
Stop judging me
I never knew how my life would be

Why is it so hard to get near you?

All I want in this life is you

The sky is still blue

Never changed like you

When can I get you?

I am desperate to own you

Once I got you

I will never let go of you

Whoever comes near you

I will kung fu

Because I want to be your only boo

I swear this is true

I want to be with you

Let's start new

Just me and you

A melancholic I am becomin'

I wish that you can feel my teardrops on your skin

After a long time I have been keeping in

Now the dams are leakin'

Trying to not make you feel mean

I hope this thing does not begin

When you are talkin'

It makes me feel like there is somethin'

You are the reason I could feel the adrenaline

When you are starin'

You make my heart stopped beatin'

When you are lookin'

I stopped breathin'

Now I am fallin'

Yet I do not want to get drownin'

It will make my head start spinnin'

Something I put on my face,  it is a big grin

And now I am gigglin'

Because I am forgettin'

The reason for all those things.

I faced Him today
I meet Him everyday
Never missed a single day
Yet I have never seen Him
I can feel His existence
I know He is here
I know He is there
I know He is everywhere
He is watching over me
But I'm feeling guilty
For not giving my best when I confront him
I think my faith is trembling
Why is this happening?
Help me
I don't want to lose the way
I don't want to go astray
Show me
The truth path of this destiny
Stop me
From getting lost so easily
Just a blink of an eye
I don't know myself anymore
What do I want?
Why am I here?
What's my aim?
Where do I want to go?
Which one should I follow?
And now
I'm trying my best to look for me
Myself, that I've lost once and again
Then I seek for Him
Asking for forgiveness
For every sins I have done
It is so shameful
Take me back to the start
I want to start a new life
"Turn over a new leaf" is what they told me
So I'll use the chance I still have
Before it's gone forever and I am no longer to be here...

Every morning
When I open my eyes
You are the first I will see
Your voice will be singing in my ears
You are the first I can think of
Hello and good morning!

Every night
When I close my eyes
You appear in the darkness
Your voice will be my lullaby
The stories you have told me
Will be my bedtime stories
Goodbye and good night!
So I kiss your shadow and sleep

In dreams
I see you
I see us
Happily together
Sharing stories
You hold me tight
I feel safe in your arms

Seems like everything I do
There is always you
But why must you?
Your shadows follow me to everywhere
And leaving me blue

I lie
I cry
I am fake
This is my fate

Makeups on my face
Is the mask I always wear
My lipstick shows I always smile
But I feel this life is not fair

I like to make people smile
It's a great pleasure
Though they never thanked me once
It's wonderful to have them say "I need you"

I am a clown
I'll try my best to make you laugh
Don't look me down
I have a pride and this is my life

From the darkness I can only see
Beneath me was always black
There was no progress
There was nowhere I can turn back

The world was blackout
Or was it only my world?
I have got nobody to help me out
To break up the darkness that engulfed

But suddenly it has changed
Beneath me is no more black
Colourful world I hoped
Is now coming back

When I set the wheels in motion
I can rise again to the top
No more walking with my head down
This progression I hope it won't stop

I am sure I'm walking on the right path
I am sure I'll find a way
I believe in my heart
I am sure I'll say "Yay"

Dear my best friends,
I have no idea how we have come this far,
I have no idea how we think alike,
I have no idea how I can feel your pain,
I have no idea how I know you are hiding something,
I have no idea how I could trace your sadness,
I have no idea how we are still together after a big fight,
I have no idea how you show me what life is,
I have no idea how we understand each other very well,
That sometimes I have no idea what myself really want,
I have no idea how I feel really comfortable with you,
I have no idea why I always want to be around you,
I have no idea why I always want to protect you,
I have no idea why I always miss you,
I have no idea why I never get bored of your stories,
I have no idea why I feel nobody understands me but you,
I have no idea why am I ignoring the bad things they talk about you,
That sometimes I feel like shutting up their mouth,
But my best friends,
We cannot control their mouth,
But we can control our mouth,
Just let them be until they are tired of bad mouthing you,
Just remember that I am here,
Always.

If I was born to be
Unseen
Ignored
Unheard
Then let me just be invisible

Because no matter how much
I try to expose myself
To speak up what I needed to
Though I have that confidence in me
But everyone just cannot see
All that they see is someone else

Let me just be the shadow
That appears only with the lights
I dont want to live in darkness
Because it scares me

To think that I am so chicken
That I always have something
And wanted to tell the world about it
But I always keep it underneath of my skin instead

I am hiding it from everyone
Not because I dont trust them
It is because I am not sure
That they will listen to me or not

Because I am an invisible girl
Who lives in an invisible world
Where there's nothing else
But me, myself, I and no one cares.

I see myself is naked.
I am showering.
But why there are so many people here?
Why are they so harsh to me?
It is painfully pain, do it slowly.

I see myself is laying down.
Wearing a pure white dress.
I never bought that dress.
I see people are coming.

They're coming to me.
They kiss me and go.
Why are they crying?
Did I hurt them?
I can feel the teardrops on my skin.

Oh there are my family.
They are so near to me.
But why can't they see me here?
I am watching them.

I touched them.
But why can't I feel anything?
I feel so invisible now.
Feeling ignored.

There is a coffin.
Is it going to be my bed?
I do not want to sleep there.
I have to talk to them that I am alive.

They put me in the coffin.
Carry me to a cemetery.
Why are they doing this?
Why they leave me yso soon?

It's so dark, where am I?
I can't breathe, tell me!
Snakes are coming to me.
They are slowly breaking my bones.

Help me!
I can't take it any longer!
Bring me back to life!
But it's just too late.
No one hears me.

I regret for the sins I've done.
Oh God, please forgive me!
Give me back my soul.
I promise I'll be good.

Don't look for me
If you only want some fun

Don't look for me
If you are bored

Don't look for me
If there is nobody else is there for you

Don't look for me
If you will only look for me
To entertain
Just for your information
I am not a clown

But you can look for me
If you really intend to
If it's only me that you need

But if not
Do not look for me
And I beg you, don't.

They push
They shove
They throw
Me away

They kick
They step over me
They slap
They stab me

I feel like a trash

Feeling unwanted
Unneeded
Unwelcome
Uninvited
Useless

They trample over my feelings
Like I don't have any feelings at all
But still I tiptoeing over theirs
Because I was taught to be nice
Plus, I don't learn how to hurt people's feelings
I don't even want to learn them!

They say be nice to people
They say "there's no use of taking care of other's feelings because we'll gain nothing"
I agreed politely
But at the same time
"Courtesy costs nothing" too

How can someone be so cruel to others?
With just one word can ****
You have no idea how they'll take your words
Say what you need to
Make sure you really mean it
Think before you talk

I feel friendless
uncared-for
unloved
I am hopeless
Powerless to overcome them

Why am I still here?
I am weakening
I am drowning in my tears
Yet, no one notices
Not even bother to catch
And save me from dying
With these unasked feelings
My feelings that nobody cares for.

I am lost
Am I a loser?

I failed
Am I stupid?

I love someone
Am I loveable?

I careless
Am I cared?

I am forgetful
Am I forgotten?

I am shy
Am I snobbish?

I am weird
Am I crazy?

I have friends
Am I friendly?

I am lonely
Am I a loner?

I am sad
Am I depressed?

I am happy
Am I cheerful?

I love foods
Am I fat?

I am on diet
Am I skinny?

I have pimples
Am I ugly?

I hate to study
Am I a bad grader?

I love studying
Am I a nerd?

I am thinking
Am I a scientist?

I am wondering
How can I make your day?

They are the reasons I am here today
They love me
They care for me
Their love, nobody can beat
Their love is pure as a white cloth
They live in this world for reasons
To grow, to shape their children into a grown up successful person

Their expectations are high
Especially to their last child
Because their last child is the
Last hope
Last chance
Last one to make their dreams come true
Their children's success are their success too

But it's weird when there's a child
Is bad enough to leave their parents at the Old Folks' Home
You have no idea how desperate it is to get a mother and father's love for an orphan
And how could you leave them there?

You have no idea how it's like to lose your parents at a very young age
You have no idea how it's like to see your parents dying in front of your eyes
You have no idea how it's like to see your parents got killed
You have no idea how it's like to see your parents got buried
You have no idea when they cried because of your behaviours
You have no idea when they're missing you and you just ignore
You have no idea how many tons of tears they have cried when you are harsh to them
They never taught you to become a violent person
They never want that to happen
All they want to see is their seeds are grown beautifully and beneficial to others
Their children are all they have to continue their life journey on the Earth while they're in the Earth

One day...
When you see their chair is empty
Their voices are suddenly playing in your head
Your mother's nag would be a beautiful song
Your father's voice you will be longing for
Their love, their prayer for you
Are no longer you will get.

I am feeling hopeless
Is there any hopes for me?
I have wasted my time
On things I never thought I would waste my precious time for
I have been tricked and fooled
By the modern world
It makes me to procrastinate
To do things I have to
But it's me to be blamed
For letting it to control myself
Even though I have the power to stop it
I have to destroy what destroys me
My future is waiting
Exams, grades I know they're important
But this modern world invades and conquers me
What should I do to overcome this?
So I start to dream that I am already on top of the world
It is almost believable
But the reality is my nightmare
When I open my eyes
My beautiful dreams disappear
When I open my eyes
All I can see is a girl wasting her life again and again
A girl who has big dreams but does not put enough efforts to realize them
I want to dream again
Because only with dreaming
My dreams are coming real
I am dreaming my dreams
And it feels so good.

To my dearest friend,
The hardest part of any friendship
Is when it's time to say goodbye
Though it's only been a short while
I've never had a friend like you
Though you're living in another country
Which miles away from me
I always feel like you're so near to me
When we talk
I can feel the warmth of your presence beside me
When you're sad
I want to wipe away your tears
I never want to see your sad face
Or smileys that show your emotions
But now I have to make a way
To escape from this world for a while
To disconnect from wifi and connect with my books
Don't you worry
Because you'll forever hold a special place in my heart
Even if we are apart
If you miss me
Just remember that I'm always parallel on the other side
I know this is goodbye
But I wish you won't let this special tie to be untied
We will reunite again when it's the time
You can never be replaced
In this world, you are the only one
Don't change!
In whatever you do
I hope you'll find success
Goodbye love
I will miss you.

When I speak
Please listen
When I approach you
Don't push me away
When I stare at you
Don't look away
When I miss you
Please miss me back
When I cry
Please wipe away the tears
When I need you
Please be here
When I'm scared
Fight away the fears
When I'm alone
Fight away the loneliness
When I'm sad
Cheer me up
When I'm gone
Don't cry
Because you're torturing me of knowing that I cannot be there for you no more.

Get me out of this place
I can't stand it anymore
Why would I have to feel this way?
I want to run away

He murmurs something
In the corner
His head is looking down
I can see a teardrop falls to the floor

What does he want?
Why does he cry?
What did we do?
What's our fault?

He is a teacher
His only passion is teaching
His intention is to help the generations after him to succeed
He does not care about money
He always told us that he isn't a businessman and doesn't interested to become one

Standing there for hours
Being a clown
Being a professor
Being a good friend
Just to make us truly understand

But why must every good thing have an end?
We are forced to separate now
Time is just jealous of us
I know that this is our last day of meeting each other
Laughing together

Years gone by
You have to let go of your passion
I know it's difficult
But you have to stop now
Take a rest

You're my favourite teacher
You never skipped a day
Even if you're ill
And still walking into our classroom steadily
Hides away the pains, teaching us

Thank you, sir
You make me appreciate knowledge so much
You make me love knowledge so much
You make me love you so much

Why do I have to feel this way?
I feel like you never know me.
But we have been friends for ages.

Why do I have to feel this way?
You left me there in cold.
You are not there when I am in need.

Why do I have to feel this way?
I called and called out your name.
But you did not answer me.

Why do I have to feel this way?
We were so close and never fight.
We were like twins.

But you have changed completely.
Out of the blue we are far apart.
Every night I cried to sleep.

Was it something I said?
Was it something I did?
Was it my attitudes?

Oh friends, you left me with thousands of bad thoughts about me.
Oh friends, you left me without reasons.
Oh friends, you left me with lots of hows and whys.
Oh friends, you keep me asking myself.
Oh friends, you keep me blaming myself.

Do not torture me with these feelings.
I beg you.
Tell me what is my fault.
Let me free from these thoughts.

We have promised.
I remember how you told me we will tell each other our problems.
I remember your face and every inch of your smile lines.

You walked by.
You pretended not to see me.
You never know how you have hurt me.

I missed you.
I missed us.
And I can consider us,
As best friends but strangers.