Hiding beneath them,
a starving outlier; waiting.
Ready for the sign.

I'm only trying
to navigate this death trap
known to be myself

A queue of just one
in the rain, screaming, lungs filled,
"Bring on the weather!"

Life; addiditive or
subtractive, it is still an
art form to fulfill

Spilled ink means spiders
tread footprints where endeavors
are to be most foul

Bruises tell that in
a heartbeat I'd give myself
as foreign armor

hindsight is twenty-
twenty, especially with
rose-tinted glasses

I continue to
breathe, my heart to beat, but not
a thing more than that

Innocence was once
remembered and simply left
to breed and mutate.

What you said tonight
feels empty, like you don't mean
it or feel it. Lies.

I hate when my sheets
smell like you at all of the
most hurtful moments

I only dream of
your innocence tracing my
skin like it used to

You reek of the stained
memories that will never
cease attacking me

Opportunity
lost that tonight, now to maul
myself everywhere

Namesake factories
throats built for
circumstance
going to be involved
character
dealt upon a crap hand
dealership
fighting a feasibly sliced
stack of chance
allotted with time
and pollution
that's why I love
simple
perfect
even for sensitive skins

And tonight I parted with you
a section of my security
a blanket resembled in a chain
and previous that night
as I held you close
that moment
I felt it
all I could do was smile
sigh into your hair the pent up air
the high that fills my chest
when I'm with you
and tonight I parted from you
desperate to show you
I'm here
It's going to be alright
as previous this night
it hit me hard
I want all of your good
the entire bad
and all of the you in between

Instead of film
(which you cherish so much)
I feel the need to develop pictures
of the very sensations
that erupt in your mind
and tingle throughout your body
in every which way
and i m p a c t.
I'd  post them on the walls
just as they are
in their prime
of
    beauty,
             malice,
                         faults,
                                 honesty,
an exposure of how human you are
lest you forget how to feel
or the emptiness is relishing inside
a collage that is whole
*and you.

People are so fragile
I can't break them.
Sick.
Stop.
Please.
It's overwhelming
It's a state of labels and frustration
can't hear what I'm thinking
because they're all screeching so god ****** loud
and I can't keep up with this,
it's muddling my person
it's saturating my mind.
This air is hard to clear
when I'm choking on its realism
and the possibility which is all too here
is suffocating my reasoning.
I've let it in so far
and potentials have arisen
but it's like my life is dying
and I can't handle anything.
Make it stop.
Sick.
Stop.
Please.
I know you won't understand
you've said it thrice before
don't blame yourself
and don't leave me when I express it
but I can't say words.
Words hurt
and I can't break people...

I'm consumed by frozen thought
when you ask such things
there's not enough moments
to consider what is even happening
around me
I jolt
I'm left to irrational thinking
as an entirety
my mind is not awake
but busting like hell on overdose
Bustling with industrious city streets
thrusted to the marrow with teeming life
I can't concentrate
and my body stiffens
I appear like I don't care
like I don't feel
like I'm not there
because I'm not
and yet I am
sure thing
the answers don't formulate well in my head
as you have heard
but still i travel so far in my efforts
to conjure a word
a thought
maybe even an inkling
of what I'm going to spurt next
alas again I am left void of words
none whatsoever
all of this taking places
so rushed
it feels like a dozen hours
wrought to the bone with anxiety
when it has only in reality
been a handful of seconds
ticking away
as I am left blank
in which you are leaving
breathes taken fast
like this is all ending
you just get up and leave
my thoughts are perplexed
how am i supposed to continuously handle that?
Dish this out too often
I'm starving on this abandonment
in weak hours and my most fragile moments
you didn't kiss me goodbye
threads left open
and sore
my heart aches as I can'y sleep this night
you left me
again
and as you had raced to pack
you left me crying as you went about
just as you do
you just got up
and left me
why am I not used to this by now?
again

I had a dream
where the speakers in the back of
your car worked
and everything was better
we didn't have to pull away
and continue with this cycle.

I got myself in my own hand
because my soul demands redemption,
but the darkness has my attention.
I want to live for life.

But in strife I fight
the night through hidden fears and mistakes
made day after day.
I see the problem
but stay the same.

I have the solution,
a perfect blueprint but
no resolution is there.
I think, even though it's going,
it's not going well.

And if I don't make a choice,
I am going to hell.
And if you know me
and you know me well you should know:
I love them some
and respect them well.

So call me home and take the print,
given better ideas when I get bored.
Tell me your will and I will
work with the feel.
Tell me your words
and I'll make sure they get heard.
Bring me the burden of you.

On occasion I suffer depression
I question:
what's real, what's good, what's bad?
How long can I keep a bag on my head
before I am dead?

Bad ideas.
I seem to have a lot of them.
When I get with bad people
I show up the lot of them.

I can be a leader,
packaged, sarcasm included,
but as a speaker I want to taunt
the devil with level minded biblical teaching.
Not a wanna be preacher but
I know some people who need some words
and a gesture.

All my life they told me I am prophet,
but next to that they say my life is off it
and its a pent up name in waitng.
I want to be more but I cant open my minds door,
it's a road block
it's a nonstop flood of doubt and pain

I feel alive
getting sick in the rain.
I feel alive
straining my back to lift the troubles.
I feel alive
when adrenaline rushes my brain and
my lungs scald from running after that after thought cause.

Legs so spent that I could collapse if it was socially acceptable
But those are mild highs compared to my so called bible side
When I walk the straight and narrow I have
guardians and sparrows watching my back
nothing can attack
me
nothing and no one can save
me
And I feel so happy
and different

So I think even though it's going
it's not going well
and if I don't make a choice
I am going to hell
And if you know me
and you know me well you know:
I love them some
and treat them well.

Love is
semi consensual
sweet nothings
a film
a suicide deduction
a noir
for the contender
playing out like
a dark comedy

I'm fighting battles no one knows about
everyday.
Cruelty demands
all forms of convenience
as words devoured this mime.

I ran all the way home
sprinted actually, out of breath
and shapes not accurate
but not important on the matter.
I fumbled for keys
and dispersed doors to frantic privacy
calling you as soon as Francis would allow.
I wanted to hear your voice
more than anything else
more than discussion
more than reasoning
more than the sense of it all.
The sound of your voice
I love how it echoes in my head
and the rest could follow
as soon as I knew you were there.
I want your voice to dazzle my dreams tonight
Pretty please?
Have it reverberate as I toss and turn
in half alive sleep?
But what I need,
more than anything love,
is to hear it chime in person.
To rest my eyes on your beautiful face.
To witness your lips part as care spills out,
forming those simple but genuine words.
*"I'm here and I've got you. It's going to be ok now".

In this right now, I crave
to crash Gatsby's party.

Sit up
head back
listen to the words
**** that too
I’m sorry man
No
people
I don’t even have to say that
so
would you terribly mind?
I didn't realize
honestly
please don’t take this off
don't let me take this
the wrong way
refrain
no one wants to see that
poisoning
the water supply
feeling efficient
you're pretty **** close
woah
step back
and excuse your unwanted
interjections

I'll invade your dreams ,
wake you up in a bed sweat
make you sleepwalk through all the things you haven't felt yet
enough is never enough
but what I know is what I know
most things never need a spoiler warning
because they aren't fresh in the first place

Cut reports to solid life
refined
totaled
tallied
over and out
up and stagnant
static company for a cancer promotion
I can't remember when
I can't remember
don't close those eyes
do you want to know?
Do you want to hear?
Rejected
frustrated
crashed
it's about high time
like repel this fine crime
to reciprocate these rash advances
and take it up on the phone line
open to discussion
closed till further notice
all up for grabs now
and down for the count

An after thought
ahead by one
calling out at the mess you've made
while choking on the sound.
The day the world folded in on itself
it's such an acquired taste
sealed with an acrylic ruse
but how long will it last?
It's like I can't escape
it's coming, unless you
show me how.
We're lost, wandering
in this calico ghost town.
Access to all areas
torment on skip repeat
I can still remember back
when our tongues were film strips
waiting to be developed.
Let this happen
because this is it.
Let me in.
Show me how.

The scariest thing
is when you are sitting in your room
not doing anything
it's dark
and you're drifting between sleep
and remembrance
when suddenly a poster falls off the wall
or a pen rolls unexpectedly
or something falls over
and you just think...
         *...it’s coming for me

Handheld
and brain dead
looking for a job
written up on side speak
mouths pursed
poised to ****
remember their last sentence
lingering
judgements held high in the air
hanging more years to a life
keen on redemption
enclosed in a
wall space
that is producing the paralyzed
as pockets burst
with the reward
of amounts that would make you sick to your stomach
and
a familiar breath is all you need

Try me
that's not a challenge
but see what happens
I don't even know
for sure
it scares me
they say
three strikes and you’re out
I give second chances
too easily
I’ve learned the hard
way
many a time before
when do I learn to stop
and say anything
like that’s not right
or hey
that hurts
please stop
or it will hurt more
when I decide to say
that’s enough
trust me
I’ve learned my lesson
I know I can’t handle it
it rips me open
and exposes the tendons
and I bleed everywhere
broken

My mind is a box
locked
by a cracked clock with
no hands
spreading out the seconds
stalling for interpretation
so it will open for no man
but I feel your sand seeping in through the side
an hourglass time bomb,
arm thrown back, prepared to arise
toss it on it's sideways
embedded in a moment
that I don't want to flip upright
keep it here distorted.
I would run
but I know there is no where
to hide imperfections,
reflection on my window,
pain behind every door
I can make across this quick sand floor
if only to catch up
to the past.
I gave up when your lips met mine.
If there was a purpose left
it will never show this time
because now it's all spent
and tearing apart my mind.

I wouldn't put it past you
to put me out
so instead come a little closer
see what it is
you can deny it
and shut me down
or you can take it
and appreciate
understand
I'm putting it in your reach this time
stretching a little further
it's dangerous for me
but I'd always extend myself
no matter the costs
all for you

Sometimes I like to brand
the thoughts
inconsistent and always divided
into my fragile
and gullible shell.

Let it burn memories
like a journal feeding empty pages
insatiable for attention
to be marked.
To be touched.

Feeling perfect in that moment
incinerating those feelings
I have reveling in my skull
and transferring the waste
to everlasting regret
and permanent judgment.

This is what I live for.
*Right?

One time
I walked to your house
a few towns over
because I didn't believe you existed
and I was delightfully surprised
when you answered the door
my disbelief hushed for that night.
The next occasion
you were in pain
I couldn't bring myself to leave you
desolate in such a way
so I hopped halfway
and strides for the rest
persistent in my actions
overwhelmed with my thoughts
and arrived again at your door.
The third was the best
you had no idea
not that you did any time before
I traveled the whole distance
skipped my every other Wednesday
and ventured past it towards your direction
seeping with an excitement so grand
anxious with what was ahead of me
to see your face
and to just  make you smile
against the wishes of others
as you opened that familiar door
and let me into your world.

Let Jarvis keep you company
when I can't
I bet he's worried about you as well
hold him
keep him close
I know he's a tad bit
battered and tattered
but his intentions are still true
I bet he's glad he's still got you
and can feel you so close
and he's the cuddliest little jaguar
you'll ever come to know.

Stray away
like a cat in an alley
knows what he wants
but too timid to find it.

Just want an excuse to kiss me
not allowed
please would you like to
stop that this instance
I can’t see over you
your forehead
and high horse
it's going to have to learn
you need to actually
shut the door
and shut your face
stop that ****
is it cracked?
Go back and stack that
thank you
give me some credit
I like the music
and I do this for a living

Everything important
folded
stuffed in a pocket
tossed in a pile worth
two cents
richer
tiny compartments of
litter still bitter

It's like you cut me down
and I went into defensive mode
but really
it was a shut down
pull the plug
and I became numb
gave up
extensive
falling into the depths of sleep
I'm just an idiot
waiting here
not wanting you to feel awful
but right now
for now
I'm gone

Ashley dirt bikes
She has three colors in her eyes
I know I disappoint her.
I'm in shock,
I held my breathe
as long as I possibly could
but look
I've got the blanket.

Thank cardigan
Barbie died yesterday
because noise can be hostile
as providence fills
this hefty room.

Trees lick splinters
from beneath our feet
mumbling atrocities
for ravishing eyes.
Trudging asunder
and the great below
meeting expectations
I was trying to ignore.