I need help.
I'm not the kind of person
to just ask for it flat out.
I hate feeling weak;
but I am breaking inside.
So many parts of myself break away each day.
There's the piece of me that broke off when Mama told me I wasn't good enough.
There's the piece that shattered when Daddy told me that I'm just like my drunk mother.
There's you not calling me back;
there's a bad day at practice..
Whatever it may be;
big or small;
I am breaking.

Help me,
please.

Don't let me get away with saying,
"I'm okay."
Don't just bypass the fact that my wrists are
two different colors;
too much cover up on fresh scars.
Sometimes I just need a hug;
just need to hear the words,
"You are important to me."
So when I go home at night,
I don't pick up the blood stained razor blade on my windowsill.
Someone...
I need help.

Please don't just pretend like you want to help me;
Giving me reassurance for a moment;
For the pain of being alone
when you get tired of
hearing my pointless stories,
seeing me cry,
letting me vent,
will be too much to bear.
Does no one see the pain behind my smile?
The sleepless nights?
Am I really that convincing?

I need help.
These lifeless black letters on a white computer screen that will be viewed by strangers,
proves it.
Someone,
please.

here is my heart
here is my smile
lets just sit and wait
for a while
here is my memories
here is my past
lets just pretend
it will last
here is my body
here is my passion
lets just go forward
lest it lessen
here is my promise
here is my truth
lets just pretend
beyond the ruse
here it is
my innermost secret
hold it close
to your heart
I hope
you keep it

*I Love You

With the pinks and reds of romance and lovers
For those I have seen under the covers

A single black line represents my depressions,
The thoughts that keep me up at night, and my self-loathing obsessions

And splash of blue for the sea and the tears
Getting swept out into the ocean, and fighting these fears

Yellows are the thoughts of family and friends
To love them or hate them, they're there 'till the end

A smudge of grey for when I could finally see
That my only oppressor is actually me

Swirls of green for the thoughts of the dizzy
**** down that leaf and come and kiss me

Lastly the outline of a mysterious violet
This is for the thoughts I haven't defined yet

Who do I turn to,
when I am the only one around?

Parted ways,
with society,
I wonder why I continue to breathe.

What is my reason if the seasons pass me by?
a blur moving slowly, remind me,
Of the faults, I’ve created …
… almost leads me to temptation,
the one promise I’m barely containing;
What’s the point in looking forward to a brand new day?

Unable to profess without judgment,
I have no other choice,
but to lock my heart in my chest.

It’s clear:
Implicating the burdens tackled and experienced
is entirely my fault.
Conclusion leading to guessing that is right: I deserve this.
Years and years of mistakes,
I remain the unchanged.

Old friends,
departing to another place

...I miss the old days.

I can’t bring it back.

nothing really stays the same

I am closer to forgetting
almost letting,
my conscious get the best of me.

Today, it has led me to
Reminiscing.

Tomorrow, it will lead me
to a deluge of cold-blooded thoughts.

The next,
back to dreading
Wishing I could simply
Pass on.

Never have I felt…
**Lonely.

I need a friend
a friend who will be my friend forever
a good friend like you
black or white
a solid tender friend
i need a friend
a forever friend.

Welcome to 4 A.M.

Where almost nothing ever happens and the universe sits mostly still, where indie music is life and where photography is heaven. Where silence is golden and life is absolute. Where we all wish to be, and where only a select few of us can go and handle it.

Welcome to 4 A.M.

Where we lie in limbo, waiting for the sun to come up, the moon to go down, the median between life and whats left of the dark decay of lifelessness. Where Your eyes open wide, where your thoughts wander into the void of the infinite. Where we wait to see the beginning, the middle, and the end.

Welcome to 4 A.M.

Welcome to the dead, the living, the mourning, the crying, the sad, the happy, the over energetic, the under enthusiastic, the over enthusiastic, the insomniac, the insane, the beautiful, the quiet, the peaceful, the thoughtless and thoughtful, the kind, the caring, the listeners, the wonderful and magnificent, the open minded and wide eyed sleepless.

Welcome to 4 A.M.

Where we wander, searching for answers in our sleep. Where we wait for contact and a view into what we think is the future, and where here, we wait for the future. Where we sleep only to be dreaming of our answers we are searching for and never getting the full answer to questions like-
"Who am I?"
"What am I?"
"Who do I love?"
"Who loves me?"
"Why am I here?"
"What awaits me today?"
"Who thinks of me?"
"Who are my friends?"
"Who are my foes?"
"Who are the friendless?"
"Who am I to judge someone?"
"Who are they to judge me?"
"What is left for there to question if I already know the answers to my questions?"

This is what we ask, and wait for...

Welcome to 4 A.M.

Where our mindless infinite, grows! To be ever infinite into the oblivion of exaggerated proportions and ridiculous time! Where everything meets the beginning, the middle and the end. Where life dies, starts, and lives once more for us as humanity to enjoy through one more day, for us to catch our breath, and to breathe the dead and living. For our eyes to capture the very beauty of life through blinking as if our eyes where the lens to a camera and our brains the film to feed it.

All in one quiet, peaceful, beautiful, and insane, hour. Everything lives, dies, and starts over again.

Welcome to the beginning, the middle, and the end.
Welcome to 4 A.M.
Welcome to life.

Good morning.