I'm so confused by you
You give me signs that you like me
Then it's like I don't exist
I'm so lost in this maze
Of feelings and ****
Get me the hell out of here
What did you do to me
It's just supposed to be a little crush
But you just keep mixing me up
How did I get here
**** I'm really lost now
In the maze of mind
The one you dropped in on me
Out of absolutely nowhere
Thanks *******
I really appreciate this *******

What's that dating site again
The one that says
First comes like
They have a point
You've got to like someone
Before you can love them
You've got to like who they are
Deep down inside and all throughout
Right now you can go at it
Like a bunch of rabbits
But when you're older what's left
Is who you are inside
If you don't like the person
You've probably spent half of your life with
You're out of luck
It's too late to go back to the days
When you were young
Too late to change what has happened
Too late to get that time back
So remember
First comes like

The other night my aunt told me something
She told me I'm strong
I've let myself be brought down by a man
And she told me I'm stronger than that
So I have something to say to you in return
You are stronger than anything you go through
You will make it out
Just believe in yourself and flourish
Blow the world away with your power
With your strength and courage and love
Make your mark on the world
And be proud while you do
You're amazing and beautiful
Love yourself and love everything you do
Don't be afraid to show who you really are
Don't hide behind lame *** excuses
Just go for it
Let your strength show
Pick yourself up out of bed
Here, take my hand and I'll help you up
We can do it together if it helps
Any time you need me I'm here
Because even though you are strong
You don't always have to be
I've got your back

I love that feeling
When I'm laying in bed
After sleeping for a while
Where I can feel my body
Radiating heat
Into the space under my blanket
It's warm and gentle
Comforting

I'll love you for as long as I can
Until the end of the world
Until the summer becomes winter
And winter becomes summer
Until the sun stops shining
But maybe a better way to say it
Is that I'll love you my dear
Until February 31st

Sometimes I am absolutely nothing
It's like I'm invisible
My words don't come out very clear
Or at all
Other times I am everything
You give me every ounce
Of love and attention your body can muster
I'm so confused by you
Sometimes you're great, wonderful
I feel the love pouring out of you
Every drop absorbed into my skin
Soaking through the walls I had built
Other times you are tough
Guarded by a million walls
Surrounded and I can't get through to you
Ignored and pushed away
I can't live like this
Feeling like I'll never break open the walls
Never truly being part of your life
Just an in and out temporary fixture

Don't believe me
I'll lie to you
Make you fall in love
Wrap you around my fingers
As if you're just a toy
You'll never be appreciated
Just mistreated and abused
Killed with kindness
Tortured with the sweet words
Deeper and deeper you'll fall
Until the day comes that I end it
Hoping to crush you with the pain

Emotions and feelings
Everything gets jumbled up
One word confused for another
Stuttering when you
Can't remember the right word
When you get so mad you can't speak
But if you write it all down
It gets so much simpler
Your words come out smoothly
Stuttering is merely pausing
But when you go back and read it
The words flow smoothly
No friction as you get angrier
Just one word after the other
Come to think of it
Everything seems to be
Simpler on paper

Here is where I stand
Fighting for you
Praying that you'll stay
Give me one more chance
I know you've given me plenty
But please one more
And here is where I'll lay
If you tell me no
If you leave me today
When your words destroy
Shoot me down
Here is where I'll die
In a pool of my own blood
Because a puddle is too small
To show how much I love you

Valentine's Day is not a
Day for those in love
To show their love
That's an everyday thing
It's a day for the lonely
Made to make them
Feel even more alone
To feel unloved
Unwanted
It's a day
To sell chocolate
That'll make them
Feel slightly better
Before it all gets worse

You'll be a treasure
Deep in my heart
A secret gift
Unhidden from the world
I'll show you off
Give you my all
Try to make you happy
I will love you
Until this day arrives

A shot of Jack
Hint of death
Pinch of wrist cutting
Sprinkle of suicidal thoughts
Dash of anger too
You call it
The cocktail of chaos
Doesn't sound too good for you
But you say it's perfect for you
Even if you die in the end
But every life is valuable
You're alive for a reason
You say your reason died
A long time ago
But I believe you
Can do amazing things
Create beautiful art
With the words you speak

Reaching out in darkness
Only to find I'm grasping air
You're not there anymore
To comfort me as I awake
From the nightmares that
Make my skin crawl with
Thousands of fire ants
You're no longer there to
Hold my hand as I walk
Thrugh the fire in my mind
I can't quite reach you anymore
You've ventured just past my
Cold, shaking fingertips
I'm hopelessly in love
But I threw it away for
Something that was a waste
I'd give anything at all
To have you back in my life
And call you mine
For as long as you'll have me
To love you like I should have before

Cigarette butts
Dropped carelessly
Left all over
They remind me of you
The way you smoked
Almost a pack a day
Maybe it was half
I can't remember
It's been too long
I miss you
I hope you know
That I did love you

Everyone is alone
Everyone is empty
People no longer need others
There's always a replacement
A back up plan
Relationships have a Plan B
And I'm bored
Of the world this way

Red face
White knuckles
Bruised legs
Bleeding palms
Tear stained cheeks
Broken bones
Smashed mirrors
Anger taking over
Losing myself to the rage
Won't you help me
Before I destroy myself

I run through the days
Or do they run through me
How am I?
Fine. How are you?
Monotone
Going through the motions
Lifeless robot
Being controlled by someone
Outside of my own being
How long have I been like this?
Seems like I always was
And always will be
No control of anything
No control of me
Systems do it for me
I'm stuck on autopilot

What are these strange marks you left on me
Are they the remnants of what we had
Or the possibilities of what we could have been
Can you explain all the curves and lines that make them
Give them some kind of meaning for me to understand
What you did to me all those years ago

Put out that cigarette and come to bed
Kiss me so hard that I can taste lingering smoke
Breathe that fire into my lungs
**** me with the thing that kills you
Let it destroy me just like you do
Maybe then you'll love me enough to try

Your light that once shown through the darkness
Has dimmed and dulled
The sweet smell of your skin has soured
The melody that is your voice.....WAS your voice.....now sounds like nails on a chalkboard
Once you were everything I ever dreamed of
Now you are my worst nightmare
I fed you with all the love I had in my body
You took it in
****** it all up
Like you were soaking up the sun
Basking in its warmth
But you let the snake convince you that I was no good for you
You let it sink in
Swirl around in your thoughts
You let it convince you that in was wrong
That I was bringing you down
When all I ever tried to do was lift you up
I held you on a pedestal of love and light and beauty
And you still kicked me away
Pushed me out
Forced me down

I can taste it on your lips
The last cigarette you smoked
The last drink you downed
The last blunt you hit
I can see it in your eyes
The lies and betrayals
You've deceived over and over
But always use the same tricks
Tell her you've fallen
Make her fall
But it's all lies
Next thing you know
You're on to the next
The last left confused

Pressure building
Shaking fizzy drinks
In an air tight bottle
It's bound to blow one day
The lid is ******* on too tight
You can't let air out
So it keeps building
Getting harder to hold it in
BAM
There's the explosion
The angry words
Pour out of my mouth
Screaming and yelling
Throat getting sore
No energy left to fight
I fall to tears
Crying and sobbing
Letting everything out

Late at night I think of you
Your eyes
Your voice
Your smile
And these words
Pour from my pens
You my darling
Are my midnight inspiration
The thoughts that pop up
As I'm trying to sleep
The ones that make me
Turn the lights back on
Repeating the words so I don't forget
The ones I write twelve times
Twelve different ways
Just to find the right combination
You're the ideas I scribble
As they drift in one by one
The bits and pieces I think of
Every now and again
The reason I can write again
And you don't have a clue
That you my dear
Are my midnight inspiration

On second thought...

Tell me why
I shouldn't try
I shouldn't fight
Tell me why
I should disappear
I should give up
Tell me why
I shouldn't hold on
I shouldn't trust you
Tell me why
I should die
I should let go
Give me one reason
I'm dying to die

A dance with a friend
He asked me
I asked him
I don't recall
But we danced
It was a slow dance
I looked at my best friend
Dancing with her boyfriend
I ran to the bathroom
To pull myself together
Don't cry
The makeup will run
I think in that moment
That I looked and saw them
I knew in my heart
I'd never find the one

Tell me why
I should fight
I should try
Tell me why
I shouldn't give up
I shouldn't disappear
Tell me why
I should trust you
I should hold on
Tell me why
I shouldn't let go
I shouldn't die
Give me one reason

I don't know
And that scares me
I had a plan
I knew
Who I was
What I was doing
Where I was going
But that's gone now
I'm stumbling through
Barely staying alive
Feeling like
I'll never make it
Everything pulls me down
I'm fighting just to crawl
But I don't know
Where I'm going
Who I am
What I'm doing
Why I'm here
I'm struggling
To understand
And all that does
Is confuse me more
I just don't know anymore
I'm lost

It's been so long
But I did it again
There are little red lines
Hiding on my body
I was clean so long
But I've broken again
My skin no longer solid
Broken in places unseen
I feel the burn
And I love it
Help me please
I can't stop crying
I swear I didn't mean to
But I did it again

Maybe I'd have a friend
To comfort me as I cry
Exhausted from life
Maybe they'd stop me
From beating myself numb
Telling me they're there
Maybe they'd love me
Through thick and thin
Because I've opened up to them
But then again
Maybe they'd laugh
Overjoyed by my misery
Enjoying my pain
Maybe they'd taunt
Telling me things I know
That others say they don't see
Maybe I'd end it all
So they could rejoice
I'm finally out of their way

How sweet
The relief
Of death
Sounds to me
I'd give anything
To end it all
To feel nothing
No worries
No problems
No fears
Just me
Finally free

Crying
Because I can't open apple juice
Thinking
About every flaw I have
Dwelling
On all the things wrong in my life
Drowning
In the tears of the past
Suffocating
On the air I try to breathe in
Dying
Because it's all killing me

I hear you
Crying out
I feel your pain
You miss him
Like I miss her
We mourn together
In the night
Weeping our losses
*I feel you

I'll give you this piece of me
Though there's not much to give
Do with it what you will
But here it is

I lost my mother
Just this past April
She wasn't there for graduation
She won't be there
If I get married
Or have little babies
And it breaks my heart
I know I've still got my father
But it's not the same
We're too different
He doesn't understand
There's no comfort
When I get bad
Nothing but anger
I need her
And she's not here
I've spent hours just crying
And because of an accident
Her car is gone too
It could have been mine
And now it's gone
I gave up my dream
Of going to school
Majoring in photography
(Something she helped me discover)
Making her proud
To buy a new car
So I could still work
I've got no more dreams
Nothing to look forward to
And I feel hopeless
After my car is paid off
In about two years
I may just end it
There's nothing left for me
Not in this life

One hot night
Four kids heading home
After a high school football game
Went off the road
Sliding they went
And hit a tree
Just a baby tree
Right between the doors
At the strongest part of the car
The car pushed it over
And rolled onto its side
One bleeding
Two screaming
Two calm
Help!
I'm stuck in the seatbelt
Hanging in the driver's seat
Find a phone
Call 911
Someone is calling to us
Is that the smell of gas?
Get out now!
Get away from the car!
Fire truck
Police
Ambulance
Two taken to the hospital
No major injuries
Just need to be checked
The guilt
I was driving
I was responsible for them
They could have died
Just **** me please
End all my guilt
End all the pain I feel
Please
Put me out of my misery

I can see it
In the faces of couples
I can hear it
In the words they say
I can feel it
Around my family
But I'll never have it
With a man of my own

1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)
*Please don't make me go on.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME
I'M NEVER ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU HAPPY
When I say things
I **** you off
When I keep my mouth shut
I **** you off
And you wonder why I don't really say much
I'd rather **** you off
By keeping silent
Than fight like we do almost every time we talk
But you always find a way to blame me
I'm never good enough
I don't help
I don't do anything
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME
I CAN'T BE THE PERFECT CHILD
THE PERFECT PERSON
***** YOU AND ***** THIS ****
I'M DONE
I give up
Just get rid of me already

What has my life become
One grandparent
Living with cancer
No mother
Heart attack took her
Just like her mom
Fights with my dad
Escalating to more
Than any of us need
Missing uncle
Cancer finally got what it wanted
What's next?
My father?
HOW MANY MORE DO WE HAVE TO LOSE?
HOW MANY MORE WILL YOU TAKE FROM US BEFORE YOU'RE HAPPY?
HOW MANY MORE DO YOU HAVE TO BREAK?
I'm sorry for yelling
But I can't handle all of this
You took two in a matter of months
My own mother and my uncle
It doesn't make any sense
WHY DOES MY FAMILY HAVE TO SUFFER SO MUCH?

Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday dear Mystery
Happy Birthday to me
Finally turned eighteen
Let's light some candles
And I'll make a wish
On the count of three
One...
Two.....
Three...
*I wish I had never been born

You've read it all before
Said you'd be there
But when I quit
It's like you vanished
You'll probably read this
I don't care anymore
No one really sees it
What's right in your faces
The cries for help
And tears spilled
Every suicidal thought
That runs in my head
Maybe you think
It's just how I write
But I write my heart
And it's crying out
Has been for a long time
Just no one hears it
The silent sobbing
Hidden away from public
My heart cries out
Save me
Don't go
Just try
Please
Try to save me

I don't know how to say this
But I might as well try
Unfortunately this is the end
No more poems to read
Mystery Girl is running away
I just can't do it anymore
Putting my heart out there
I never should've posted
Let you see pieces of me
I hate to leave you hanging
But it's time to say goodbye

Help me see beauty in the world
Put a smile on my face
Bring out the side of me I thought I'd never see again
Are everything I need
Have beauty inside and out
Shine brighter than the sun
Give me hope and joy
Burn in the back of my mind
Are my saving grace
Are my savior
I love you

Quiet
Thinking about why I'm here
Listening as the world crumbles
Lonely
I've pushed everyone away
For reasons unknown to even me
Broken
Hurt by things I've seen
And past experiences
Scarred
By the blade I put to my skin
Marked by the words repeated in my head
Hopeless
I've given up on finding help
Nothing has worked and nothing will
Depressed
Not because I am sad
But because I feel there is no reason for my existence

You're pathetic
A cry baby
Never amounting to much
Worthless and useless
A waste of space
Obnoxiously selfish
Self-centered attention *****
You crave pity
And all eyes on you
Just stop whining
Long enough to **** yourself
You don't deserve life
Since you waste it
You're nothing special
Just an accident
Never meant to happen
Sincerely, yourself

Goodbye my friend
Could I even call you that
You did stand by me
But it's hard not to
You're not real
And I'm growing up
Watching you fade away
The tears in my eyes
Screaming for you to stay
Don't leave me
You're the only one I trust
But you're fading away
And there's nothing I can do
I'll miss you
I'll always love you
My imaginary friend

Scarring the perfect skin
I will never be the same
My soul is breaking
I need this pain
Something snapped in me
I have twisted desires
Abuse is never enough
Hate burning like a fire
I long to destroy myself
I don't let myself feel
My body aches holding it in
None of this is even real

The curve of your lips
Is irresistible
I can't deny I want to taste them

The color of your eyes
Is magnificent
I can't deny they draw me in

Your joyous laugh
Is incredible
I can't deny I want to hear it next to me

Your beating heart
Is beautiful
I can't deny I want to steal it

Your sweet love
Is my weakness
I can't deny I miss it

Your kind forgiveness
Is absolutely amazing
I can't deny I wish on a star for it

We are hope for others
To carry on
Taking their burdens
And making them our own
Holding their pain
So they don't feel it
Sharing the weight
Allowing them to be free
But buried beneath the weight
We struggle to stay alive
Always being beaten down
Cracking under the sheer pressure
We don't know how long
This will last
Our instincts tell us to fight
While our mentality says surrender
Grasp our hands
Let us be your hope
Bring us your burdens
We'll whisper to you
You're not alone

Hiding behind a smile
She is broken
Losing everyone she loves
Everything's falling apart
She stays silent
While fights errupt
Wishing to help
But afraid to speak
Nights filled with tears
And days hidden behind smiles

My brain says move
My body disobeys
I sleep
I don't eat
My smile is gone
My green eyes have faded
My skin has paled
My body has thinned
I am weak