pretty eyes
won't you let me in
past the walls
you've built around
your tender heart

I send you a message while you sleep
So that when you wake up
You'll know I was thinking about you
And at the end of the text
I leave a single heart emoji
Not because I want to tell you
That I love you
But because for me they are a symbol
Of affection and warmth
Just something to remind you
That I care about you

Who can I turn to
When I feel like there's no one
Who will hear my words
When it feels like no one listens
Who will hold my hand
When it feels like no one even sees me
Who will hug me
When I can't seem to stop crying
Who will talk me through it
When I shake and rock
Who will wipe away my tears
When they flood down my face

I miss you every day
Even when I'm not
Thinking about it
It's always there
In the back of my mind
Waiting for April
To force its way
To the front
Waiting for the chance
To be the center
Of my attention
And I read sad things
Sing sad songs
Write sad things
Because I can't help myself
I need to feel sad
Because if I don't
I'm afraid I won't
Be able to feel at all

It started out
As something simple
Consenting adults
Enjoying each other's company
Nothing more
But things are changing for me
I used to only think
About how much you
Turned me on
Now when I think of you
I remember how it feels
When you put your hand
On my face, my back
I remember how it feels
When you kiss my forehead
And look me in the eyes
How it feels to just
Sit and talk with you
I remember every time
You put your arms around me
The little squeezes
I remember laying in bed
Looking at you
My hands tracing your face
Running across your chest
Up and down your arms
Now I'm not saying that
I'm falling in love or anything
But my feelings will only grow
And it might be a problem

There are so many things
I want to say to you
But I don't have the guts
To hit the send button
Don't even know
What I would type out
Maybe tell you that
I love you
Or that I wish I
Had never walked away
Maybe that hearing
You're having a baby
Devastated me
It's my fault though
That you're engaged
Having a baby
While I sit and miss you
I regret not telling you
Exactly how I felt
When I had the chance
Because now we're
Different people
Living different lives

Every time I see your words
The ones that I know were meant for me
I remember the way it felt to read them
For the first time
I remember how much you meant them
And how much I meant my responses
Back when there was us
No label necessary
Just us
And I remember all of the things I've ever felt
All the love that poured out of me
The sadness and anger
The longing for you
And I relive the time
That I never want to forget