I'm happy that everyone is
Lost in the loveliness of their own lives
I'm happy that there's so much good
For the people that I care so much about
I'm happy that some people still feel
The pleasure of joy
Instead of being stuck in pits of misery
And sadness
I'm happy that some have gotten out of misery
And found their way to something much better
I'm happy that everyone is so........
Happy
Even though I'm not

I sat in a dark space alone
And sobbed
I watched blood seep through my jeans
I realized how worthless I am
I decided that it's got to end

Sometimes I forget how well you write
Until I see your words
Laid out before me
You always seem to know exactly what to say
And when I read those words
I feel it
Leaving indents in my brain
Pumping blood through my body
I feel it with every inhale and exhale
My heart stops for a second
Your words paralyze me
And I search for you
Waiting for the next rush

I check for your poems
Every month, week, sometimes day
Hoping for a new release
I remember how close we once were
And how everything changed
It used to bother me but
Now it's just strange to remember
How we talked for hours on end
Trying to hold on to something
That I think we both knew would never work
I guess that's just how it goes
My old friend
I'm just too scared to say
Hey. I miss you

You said that I would forget
But you were wrong
I didn't forget you
Or what you meant to me
You're not just some guy I talked to
Who said he loves me
You are and forever will be
The second man I ever loved
You'll always be part of my past
Intertwined in my memories
Part of what made me who I am
And I'll never forget

The day my walls crash down
And crumble on the ground at my feet
Will be the beginning of the end
You'll find your way in
Find every secret I try to hide
Uncover every fear I have
All my hopes and dreams exposed
Then one day you'll leave
Walk over the remains around my heart
As if I never meant a thing to you
It'll be so easy to do
To leave me devastated and destroyed
Surrounded by the ashes
Of the love you once felt for me
And you'll move on as if I never happened
I'll watch from afar
As someone else captures your attention
With a sparkle in your eyes
You will love her as you love me now
Crushing the few unbroken pieces
Of my heart, of my spirit
And I will still foolishly love you

Drowning in emotions
I just can't seem to get away from them
My life jacket nowhere to be found
Misery like a current
Pulling at my ankles
Letting go just long enough
For me to gasp for air
Before dragging me back under
Pressure crushing my lungs
I can't breathe