you're not what you seem to be

collecting stars
to glow in the dark

all this money wasted
are you happy with me

should I quiet down
do I talk too much

slowly losing interest
you're everything I imagined

there's nothing special inside you

an empty smile

haunting me in my sleep

when I was young
I had big eyes
full of truth
full of youth
full of dreams

brown like the soil a flower grows

eyes that saw the
infinite sky
stars swam inside
carried sunshine

Where's the love
Where's the color
Where's the vision

I've always listened

I can't see
what you're trying to show me

when I was young
I saw the world

now my eyes are small
I don't believe anymore

I've been in love with pills since I was thirteen
thinking they would cure me
heal me

she never did
she never gave me a hug
so I gave my teddy bear the hugs I wished

I hide the bottles in the most open space
they never catch me
I'm quiet like a ghost

things haven't been the same
I can't sleep right these days

I should've said something
every time I try
my mouth is filled sobs

in the mornings
I see the cracks
I'm breaking
one day I'll fall to the floor
crying like a baby

while I wait
I'll take another pill

we go to the pool when it's raining
seems like nothing is changing
the thunder screamed in fear
I saw lightning in the morning's
day sky
I love a sunny day with drifting clouds aside
I feel just fine
I feel alright
please don't change
go away

I saw a white dove
mixed with black crows

I see it's going to rain
in this sunny day

I saw lightning flash
by with sun

you can't catch me
I'm deep dreaming

I won't be found

you say my name
when I'm not around

oversharing, overbearing
don't act like you're so special
you're like everyone else

she's so nice
it's suspicious

I don't want to hear it
you're not my friend

keep my name
out of your mouth

your ghost haunts me

you follow me in my sleep

i keep leaving the door open

i just want to touch you

but you're so far away

i want to find you in my dreams again

you're my only hope in this nightmare

keep on haunting me

i'll leave the door open

it's 2 o clock in the morning

waiting to see you soon

you're the pink butterfly on my wall

i should let you go

no

i miss the pain

Pink clouds
pink flowers
around

I'm sorry I never bothered returning

- - -

waiting for the right time
the perfect second

I have no understanding

I always stay quiet
no sound

I have no dreams

The stars aren't enough
I want a full moon
I want all of the pieces

I'm filled with blank pages

Ripped apart

Break my mind
Triggered by the city lights

- - -

I disappear
clouds covering me up

I vanish
into the wind
hear me then

With a whisper

I'm not complete

- -
Will I ever be
- -

I think it's time to accept it

I don't want to grow up anymore

I don't to be older
now I'm old

I can see the dark circles under my eyes
sleeping more than I should

I still feel so tired

I drown everyday
choking on the air we breathe

I know we're not little kids anymore

nothing feels enough
I have everything and nothing

don't hate me for missing the old days
thinking about the years leading up to all of this

I know I must grow up
all alone without help

I'm scared and excited

I think I can see something new in my eyes

he's got a heart
and I want it all

he hides it in plain sight
he's like sunlight
burning my skin

all I see is red
all I hear is him

I'm calling out your name
I'm waiting for you to do the same

I know you'll never love me
I'll be here forever
if you change your mind

I see your face everywhere
I hear your name all the time

I'm calling out your name
expecting the same

I'll die
hoping you realize
I'm the one

should I buy you candy
should I get you a balloon

I like toys and dolls
houses with small chairs

do you want to play a game
doesn't matter what's your age

I'm feeling kinda hazy
would you say I'm crazy

I forget that I'm growing up

I forget that I'm no longer
a child
my teen years filled with flowers

oh
how they die so fast

I forget we grow up
in a blink of an eye

thought maybe you and I
could find a fairy
a diamond in the sky

I like bears
pink bows
glitter nails

don't you want to play
it doesn't matter if you go
we can play tomorrow all over again

I'm feeling kind of dizzy
won't you say I'm crazy

I forgot that I've grown up

no more playgrounds
no more running around

I forget that I am growing up

once a flower
now pressed dead

If only I could believe

like I once did

all those beautiful dreams
gone to sleep

can I steal your song
make it mine

sometimes I get a feeling
It's for me
lyrics describe
all that I know

I'll get us out

you'll always have a special place
my heart craves your attention

walking through red doors

I'm never going to be the same
You won't ever meet that version of me again

Dying out
can I steal your song
It's mine
I think it's mine more than yours now

I can't hear the sounds
did you say my name
the darkest day
I don't know where I am

the ceiling the falling
what you like
I don't

I can't say the words
I want to tell you

now you feel unloved

you've left

I thought maybe I could find a way
into your heart
again

lying is so distasteful
but so easy to swallow

lying doesn't look pretty on me
I still wear it every morning till evening

you can be my little secret
let me put you somewhere
no one will see us

let me hold you in the dark
so I don't feel so ashamed
embarrassed I know you're a mistake

who am I lying for?
for you or myself?

I try not to be a hypocrite
a little deceiving

don't believe a word I say

lies so sweet to spin
keeping me warm while you stay

I wish I was innocent

poetry is dead
it comes alive
dies right before our eyes
we write
talk of it
we bury it inside our heads

poetry is a ghost
haunting us awake
stuck inside our brains
lingering in our bedsheets
I smell its scent on my pillow

poetry died
I watched it crumble
I saw it's last breath
I knew it was the end

poetry
is deadly

we imagined
poetry was everlasting life

poetry is death

a thought
a feeling
a person
a time
a place
an object

we pull from our hearts

into this burning flame

it glows
it prevails

once our eyes touch the last word

breathing it's
last goodbye

hoping for someone to pass by
stealing a sharp breath of air

the words are gone
lights out

poetry is dead
rest in peace

I am constantly changing

I love the sun in the dark
and miss the moon in sunlight

There are days where I love you
and others when I forget

I feel blue
tonight

I hope I start to see the colors of life
soon

i woke up sad
you were in my dreams again

it's getting worse
you're everywhere i go

a face i don't know
i recognize

as far as you know
i don't care about you anymore

i can't let you know
it hurts me even more

to see us happy
in a place that's not real

i had to find a safe place



i'm always the first to be dared

no one ever goes out

i am pushed

pressure on my back

i'm sitting at the bottom of a pool

everything feels good

i'm writing again

i like the way
the voices sound
underwater

my thoughts
are clear

closed eyes

i am not a mermaid

they tell me to get my head out
of the water

but i live here now
i can breathe better

Blue rain
we were stuck in a daze
once out
we forgot all about it

Grey rain
the loved we carried
evaporated
it'll always be living

Pink rain
when I first saw a new pair of eyes
I thought maybe this time

Orange rain
it fell apart
landed at my feet
thousands of possibilities
draining

Green rain
this evil sensation
is different
it's my turn to destroy
someone

white rain
my feet reach the end of his bed
his innocence is slowly leaving
out the door

black rain
it's a shame
several colors
gone to waste
wait another year
another blue moon

red rain will fall soon

say its all a misunderstanding
the way you made me feel
so lovely
to so lonely

I can hear my freedom
calling me

I'm not waiting anymore

feel so free
without you

wine tastes so sweet

Sunday at seven
hiding in my room
music really loud

glancing
peeking
out the window
dancing in the dark corners

it won't rain
she really loves your face

you're too nice for her tainted hands
she'll break your heart in a short moment

green lights
you might need to disappear and never come back

passing all red lights
stop signs

I see the fall

your fortune teller

please go home

she'll play mind games

I want to see you fall

I don't have to write something
I don't care what day it is

is it happy
it's just a new year

it rains
too cold to get out of bed

I feel so alone
even with you here

apply pressure
feel pain one more time

before it rains
maybe we should
let in the sun

watch around your neck
you look so lovely

hit the walls
till I break

running
till I fall

apply pressure
hurting makes me feel awake

the water pressure changed
i guess im not the same

thinking of ways to stay sane
catching up with it
it runs away again

no one can feel it
i got a bad feeling
of what's to come

all i know is i must hold on
till i see the other end

stay intact
stay intact
stay intact

i should attack
attack all my demons
all these distorted voices

i hear the pressure change
and my blood is heating up

i can't turn back time
try and remember a good life

it's not here

i try
to stay intact
stay intact
but all i do is attack
attack

i can't find reasons to stay alive

when all this pressure
crushes me
i can't breathe

can't stay still
can't eat well

losing all my smiles

and my heart is weak

there's a new day ahead
try and change my mind
before i lose it

my lucky coin
said it was going to rain

did you decide not to listen

my arm is hurt
after hugging you all night

I'm draining
all my energy

I really do love you
believe me

my heart
is weakened

how much of me
will you take away
before you leave me
empty and drained

don't ask me

when I woke up
what time I sleep

have I ate
did I brush my teeth

don't ask me
how I'm feeling
what's wrong

bottle up my feelings
and then die

forget how to live
so all I think of death

dreams are deceiving

you were right next to me

the heaviness of being useless
the sky is high
take my brain
I can't focus on anything

Oh did you dive into my pool
Of sadness too

Ah you were so strong
A well built statue with a beating heart

Now I got you on my back
Ears popping
What's happening

So did you go diving
Hit your head
All depressed

Holding on to my feet
What can I say
Other than okay

You never reciprocated
The emotions
When I felt broken

Uh you're broken down to pieces
I don't want to get hurt
Afraid
I'll have to go

collections
eyes

words
ears

drafts
mouths

all of the things
I can't tell

I always write in my head
never out loud

scared someone will hear a sound
what if they find out

closing my journal
keeping myself in the dark

hidden
noses

time goes by
everything changes
I stay still

pens running out of ink
it's 2 am I can't sleep

I'll stay forever stay dumb and naïve
won't teach myself a thing

this is home
if I go anywhere else

what will I find out in the unknown

I can't calculate your next response

You're boring me to death

never surprised to see me
well it seems you never see me at all

trying to give you my heart
not my soul

I know how to speak
I can't read love

I only know how to write it

flowers in a crystal vase

I'm filling up empty holes

I'm throwing away all of my secrets

he says
don't ask me for favors

It's impossible to ever tell him

I don't want to be honest

I don't know how to be

I'm tired of living traumatized
of it all

I'm trying to give you
my heart

waiting for your response

her eyes are made of starlight
I watch them glow

soft

soft

soft

light

she holds a galaxy in her veins
I'm falling into ****** wrists

her tears blind me
I make a wish

another day
I swallow my tears
all I want to do is scream

set me free
what must I do
to erase all my mistakes
I don't want to remember all my regrets

what must I do
I want to start over
every time I lie
I can feel the truth behind me

I'm looking for someone

somewhere

I can't wake up

I can feel the fan running

Sun is shining

I can hear the rain falling

I'm looking for something

I've never met before

To complete me
To fill me up with life

My past is filled with so much light and shadows

I miss her

He's gone

In a better place


I hope to get there one day

I kissed my ears to sleep
I can hear the faint fall of rain
somewhere in my head

every time it rains
I'm reminded
I need an umbrella

some days
I forget all about the rain

under a heavy cloudy sky
we don't meet anymore
we only pass by

all this sadness
will it grow into a flower
I'm choking on the weeds
growing in my veins

some days
you're stuck in my brain
you're all I think about
every sound
every object

walking in the rain
alone again

did you ever hear me at all
have you forgotten I'm here

I'm in the rain

it's okay
I'll do okay

remembering the way we exist

the things I do
to hear the rain fall

I hate to dream
and fall asleep

in the middle of
the city

where no one can
see or hear me

the people are mean
and then so nice
you don't know what to think anymore

but everytime I talk to you
I lose my head

I don't know how to find myself after
all I can think of is you