six years and counting
my words forever inside a screen
and it means a lot when someone reads my past
a person I used to know
I've changed, I'm not the same
even so
my heart sparkles when I see her
I'll try and meet her someday, somewhere
just to say- you did well

there's no theme to my pain
there's no way to explain
there's no metaphor or hyperbolic
message to translate

i'm just throwing it up
for you to see
my blood and guts
all over the floor
careful don't slip and fall

i don't tie up my sadness
with pretty bows
and my anxiety isn't cute

it's not a fictional story
it's not a test for popularity
i don't hide the meaning

a memory i can't erase
if you're reading this
please take it from me

when i wrote those words
i wasn't lying
i really felt like dying

the water pressure changed
i guess im not the same

thinking of ways to stay sane
catching up with it
it runs away again

no one can feel it
i got a bad feeling
of what's to come

all i know is i must hold on
till i see the other end

stay intact
stay intact
stay intact

i should attack
attack all my demons
all these distorted voices

i hear the pressure change
and my blood is heating up

i can't turn back time
try and remember a good life

it's not here

i try
to stay intact
stay intact
but all i do is attack
attack

i can't find reasons to stay alive

when all this pressure
crushes me
i can't breathe

can't stay still
can't eat well

losing all my smiles

and my heart is weak

there's a new day ahead
try and change my mind
before i lose it

we walked around
in the spring

we picked flowers
and you put them in your pocket
you were so small beside me

I know we haven't talked in years
but I miss you so much my dear

I used to take so many pictures of the sky
now I don't even go outside

not sure what changed
but I'm to blame

I don't like to hear myself breathe
I don't know what to eat
can I die in my sleep
tired of living this reality
I don't want to breathe
how do I break free

everything hurts
nightmares start to feel so real

there's no one to call
I'm all alone

light flicking
all alone

it's so cold
in the dark

fading away
deep inside my mind

there's a space
I created
hell or heaven I can't tell the difference

what's it like to forgive and forget
you seem to do that often

it's all talk
never fulfilled promises
lousy and poorly at best

I start to hate every tuesday and wednesday
I hope thrusday and friday last a little longer too

I hide out in my room
I get the feeling
I don't belong in your life anymore

pushing me out
slowly
replaced and I start to feel lonely

time to grow up
think this is the end of the line

I already miss you
standing next to you

there's no way to prepare myself
to let you go

fascinated
with things I can't have
things that don't last

I hate it
I hate myself for all the pain I caused

I'm going crazy in my bedroom
still dreaming about you

deleted all the messages
but you're still haunting me

cursed with your absence
addicted to the faded memories

in the theater
on a map
when I look out a window
all I do
reminding me of you

better off dead
than to live forever
in your ghostly shadow