my mother was an alcoholic
drinking one more just to sleep
so I started to drink too
even if I didn't like the taste

I just wanted her to love me
to hold me tight
oh she was so broken
so I climbed inside her empty heart
tried to start a fire
but she left me dead and cold
in that hallow space

I went to waste
couldn't find someone to love me
I took all she had
all of her pain
I made it my own
in my little head
I believed if
she couldn't love me
at least she could hurt me
in the ugliest ways
maybe one day she'd realize
her worst mistakes

but I'm older now
she never takes the blame
I was never the victim
was I supposed to hate her
is it too late

I never once exploded
swallowed it down
that's why she likes me
because I put on my fake smile
tell her I'm okay
when in reality
I never processed a **** thing
stuck in my 12 year old mentality
frozen in that body

mother please love me
it hurts when you never put me first
I was your daughter
waiting my turn

think I'll always forgive you
sorry if I do
again and again

maybe not this time
maybe not

I wonder where
you disappeared to

so far away I can't reach you

I
can't be yours forever

deep down
I'll forgive you

even if it's not okay

the end of us is so depressing
I'm fully sober now

from all my lovesick feelings
did I push you away
or did you leave so quietly
I didn't notice
can't tell the difference  

I never asked you if you were okay
I miss you now
I hate you so much
please come back
at least give me one last goodnight

let me go back
this time a year ago
so I can stay a while longer

I'm breathing in
trying to breathe you out

losing oxygen
because you're gone
my heart can't take it
lungs are failing

this ending is full of silence
screaming out my pain
don't you feel it

don't you see it?

if I lied for you
tried my best for you

it never amounts to anything
you call me

you don't even use my name
you call me hers

you stabbed me deep
I tried to hide the pain

the blood is spilling out faster
as you keep talking

you got a million friends
but I'm not one of them

I see you're at your worst
but I can't hold on any longer

I can't stand it
falling to the ground

hope you never call me
might give you the chance to hurt me

this love
broken affection
never ends

the same sad tune
looking back to you

when we were close
you knew the darkest pieces of me

I can't show you the brightest
it's cruel

I want to talk to you
family by blood

now
now everything is different

hearing something else
it's hard to make my own decisions

hard to forgive
can't always understand both sides

I know there's a chance
you're just mean

there's no difference
you could be the same

but I don't want to believe
you've changed
more twisted

you're a sudden thunderstorm
lightning out of nowhere

the lights go out
I question the rain

where have you been
my dear

I thought I'd miss you forever
I never wanted to hate you but I did
I thought I'd love you forever

why's it have to be like that
we broke away so quietly

I didn't notice you leaving
waiting for you to come back
months passed
spring
summer
autumn will be the end

you're that dark cloud
looming over my apartment
while the sun shines on the other side

give it up
I don't miss you
I don't hate you
I don't love you
anymore

the storm will pass

you were the gun
boy you were
pulled the trigger straight into my heart

I'm bleeding
so much blood
my heart stopped beating
hard to breathe

I would've given everything
given it all away
just to have you
one more day

if you had it all
would you waste it
throw me out

you were the gun
you pulled the trigger
straight into my heart

now I'm dead
waiting to see you collect my
broken heart

just to look into your eyes
I would've done it all

got me thinking
what would you do
take my everything
turn it into nothing

your affection is priceless
nonexistent

you have a big heart
but its empty

you were the gun darling
all the bullets piercing through me

I hope you have one left
to **** me