I've gotta hold myself back
I don't want to look at
you

I'm tempted
I'm wasted
thinking about
you

how quickly you disappeared
will you remember me if I stand near
you

giving up was hard
moving on is harder
I only wanted to keep you longer

I can't let you go
I can't leave

you're the one holding me
I want to pull you closer

these confusing dreams
insanity follows me awake

you
I can't see
I can't give up

you
in my thoughts
in my skin

you
disappear into my mouth
love me in hidden ways

all the people I talk to
all
but none are you
are you coming back soon
do you hate me too
staring at the ceiling
you're such a pretty vision
inside this perfect daydream
do you even care
all the things I wish to say
will they turn to dust and
disappear
don't pretend to forget
I know you wont

you can't have me
you can't ever be mine

you're in my head
you're in my daydreams

I know I don't cross your mind
you're in all my thoughts

are you so numb
you can't feel my love

trying to separate
not too close

I don't want to get hurt

are you scared I'll break your heart
give me a chance

I'll prove myself

don't make me confused

I don't want to wait forever

even now
seasons passed
months faded away

I hear a sad song
and think about you

remember how
you colored me blue

waiting for you to love me
how mistaken I was
wasted time I can't get back

your ghost looks lonely
I can't keep you close anymore

will it hurt to forget you ?

I get this sinking feeling days before

eyes hurt
and I can't breathe

remembering every past eighteenth morning
I've woken up

when I was laying in your bed
and took a shower downstairs

when I slept so late
I saw the sun rise
I took a picture
looking so vacant

or when I woke up to nothing
I was all alone
made my bed
later you came into the room with gifts

way back
when I woke up to her kissing my cheeks
the forgotten birthday card she made me
I will remember and the yearly tradition
broken because everyone had changed

I'm filled with paranoia
can't sleep

something is coming
something I can't avoid

the weight is heavy

it will pass
and leave me paralyzed

please don't say it
let me stay days away

from the happy birthday candles
that slowly burn my soul

the look in my eyes
hidden under the mask

sent you a message
you didn't respond

I've noticed lately
we don't talk the same
you're different
am I to blame
I wonder
what I've done wrong
I can overthink for hours
still I'll make sure it's your fault

lately
we're so distant
so different
I can't remember when
you were so close
I felt everything for you

it's sad
it's blue

do you even care
we fell apart slowly
catch all the pieces falling

you give me nothing
I can't trust you

feeling so incomplete
tell me
I'm wrong

can we save this
I cut our strings

bring me back
it hurts to look

I burned out

cut ties
erased everything

we weren't friends
why are we pretending

you won't even notice
I'm leaving out the front door

starting to breathe

all our memories
moments we spent together

will feel so meaningless

not yet
not now

soon