I hate you so much today

I'm feeling stupid

enough to say

I hope you regret it all

maybe one day I won't come back home
it will be all your fault

maybe one day I won't open the front door
I'll just be a ghost in your head

seventeen
it was fun
till it wasn't

seventeen
haunts me

seventeen
hates me

seventeen
isn't real

seventeen
was ugly

seventeen
don't leave

seventeen
I never want to see you again

seventeen
I'll do it all again

seventeen
you're the worst

seventeen
I love you

thinking about those hot summer days
stuck in traffic

I remember always looking over to you

in the backseat of a taxi
always counting down in my head
didn't want the moment to end

while our mother ranted to the driver
we stared out the window

the city never felt comforting

still find myself
thinking about that afternoon

I regret not leaving sooner
I regret not running away with you for a day

every time you'd leave
I didn't want to blink or let my tears fall

you said you'd help
don't you remember

I get a feeling
you don't care about anyone but yourself

nobody else will treat me like you
it's much better we're not together

don't come looking for me when I'm down
don't come when I'm doing good

I got a feeling
I mean nothing

can't wait to let you down
how does it feel
now I'm letting go

you're so clueless

I might disappear tomorrow

cutting off my nails again

I know it's time to grow up
but I'm always short on everything

I'm trying to be a good friend
but I'm putting myself last

the trees still breathe
they're still so green

they don't match my emotions
I want them all to be dead

those countless weekends
we'd drive up to the lake

I was so miserable
I wanted to die

now we have no time
your schedule doesn't fit with mine

a day to visit old ghosts
will never come

I wonder how we can do better
nevermind I can't change

sleep tight
I'll wake you up soon

you never think twice
never help me in anything

now it's for yourself
now you're all alone

why are we so distant
we're breathing under the same roof

another week
I pay for your laundry

everyday I'm scared
I don't know who you really are

that terrifying thought creeps into my head
won't you tuck me into bed ?